As children, we look to our parents for love, support, guidance, and validation. But what if these parents are toxic?

What if everything they do to us, tell us, show us, or serve us is harmful? Some children raised in an abusive environment will focus on survival. Others may not even realize they had toxic parents until they reach adulthood.

When we are children, we imbibe information about the world. This can come from our parents, peers, teachers, and sources such as the media. If all of this information is negative and offensive, there is no doubt that it will have some kind of impact. In fact, many studies show that childhood abuse can increase the risk of health problems later in life.

So what kind of things do toxic parents do?

There are many things toxic parents can do to their child. One of the simplest things to say to them. Remember the old adage “sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me”? This is simply not true when it comes from your parents’ mouths.

7 Things toxic parents say have a lifelong impact

I hope you were not born
This is the worst ever. Your parents tell you they didn’t want you in the first place. This denies your entire existence and undermines your sense of identity and self-esteem.

You were going to have an abortion

My mom told me this and I’ve never forgotten it. However, I consider myself fortunate to have received so much love from my parents. As a result of her saying this, I developed very thick skin and even today I find it difficult to open up to people.

We get a divorce

My parents were arguing all the time and one of them was threatening to leave at some point. My mother always said she would take me and my brother with her, which scared me. Constant bickering and threats of family breakup can make children unable to trust in later life.

Why not lose some weight?

You will already know how harmful this comment can be. Parents are supposed to love their children regardless of their size, appearance, intelligence, or anything else for that matter. Your parents’ adherence to a certain standard can lead adults to set unrealistic standards for themselves.

you are very ugly

My ex said this to me once and I remember how devastated I was to hear that. And I was an adult woman. I can’t imagine how the child will react. Our parents are supposed to encourage and raise us ready to take on the world. It does not break us. This will live with children and can lead to self-harm as adults.

Why can’t you be like your brother/sister?

Pitting one sibling against another leads to a lifetime of jealousy and feelings of inadequacy. It can also cause resentment that affects the relationship between the two siblings in adulthood.

Why are you so stupid?

Calling someone stupid hurts at any point in their life. When this person is a child, he will stick with it. It could affect their efforts at school. I mean, why should they bother studying when everyone knows they’re stupid? It will definitely hurt their self-confidence.

In addition to saying things, toxic parents will also do things to children, and this will have devastating effects that will last into adulthood.

4 Things toxic parents do that have a lifelong impact

neglect
Neglect can take many forms. It could be something as basic as not feeding or dressing a child. Or their demands could be ignored.

How many of us remember our parents being so busy when we were desperate to show them our latest drawing or project from school? Neglect during childhood can lead some adults to resort to “peacocking” behaviour. This is where they will use their looks to get attention.

I have a friend who was neglected by her father during childhood. Since she was a teenager, she has always had brightly colored pink hair, tattoos, piercings, and outrageous clothes. If her dad didn’t notice her, she sure made sure everyone else did.

Lack of affection

I can definitely relate to this. When I was a kid, I would wait for my parents to come home after a night of drinking. I knew that my mother would always come to our rooms at night to check that we were asleep. I would stick my arms out of the covers until you put them back under them. This was so I could feel her touching me, as usual, she never does. When I was a teenager, she hugged me once after a big fight. It made me feel physically sick like you’ve never done it before.

As an adult, you can imagine I’m not one of those cuddly people. Don’t touch me seems more appropriate!

Sudden mood changes

Not knowing your parents’ mood is very unsettling for children. They need a solid foundation and clear boundaries in order to mature into fully functional adults.

Stepping into a home where the atmosphere is constantly changing is like having the rug pulled out from under you. It causes stress to build up and children from these backgrounds often have poor behavior and learning skills.

However, childhood stressors can have another effect. It can also make children more flexible. Studies have shown that repeated exposure to stress of this kind can:

“…improving forms of attention, cognition, learning, memory, and environmentally relevant problem-solving in extreme and unpredictable environments.” Study authors

Physical/sexual abuse

Did you know that if you were abused as a child, you are 51% more likely to experience domestic violence as an adult? Why are adults who have already experienced childhood abuse subjected to another form of abuse?

Domestic violence includes stalking, coercive control, sexual assault, violence, and non-sexual assault. Child abuse is defined as psychological and physical abuse, sexual abuse, and being a witness to domestic violence.

Health toll from toxic parents

A British study revealed that around one in five adults aged 16 to 59 experienced childhood abuse for the year ending March 2016. That’s about 6.2 million people, all of whom suffer lifelong effects from their toxic parents. Not only does this affect our society and our health service, but it also affects us as human beings.

Child abuse affects the mind and body. Adults who were abused as children tend to smoke, drink, use drugs, and be less physically active.

Living in a stressful environment increases stress levels. This, in turn, reduces immune function and increases the risk of heart attacks and strokes. The body under constant stress produces cortisol, the stress hormone. Too much of this and you’re at risk of developing type 2 diabetes. You’re also at risk of developing fibromyalgia, chronic pain, headaches, migraines, gynecological problems, irritable bowel syndrome, arthritis, and chronic fatigue syndrome.

In conclusion, I think it’s pretty conclusive that abuse from toxic parents has far-reaching consequences in adulthood.