The children should be cared for by both sets of parents, but if the mother is a narcissist, all attention will be directed toward her.
It is natural for parents to want their children to do well in life. Parents with good self-esteem and strong self-confidence are more likely to pass these traits on to their children.
But when a parent is preoccupied with being the center of attention at all times and needs constant compliments, this has a tremendous impact on their children.
So how do you recognize a narcissistic mother?
Here are ten signs:
- Lives vicariously through the child’s life
Children of narcissistic mothers exist only to fulfill their mother’s goals, dreams, and aspirations. The child is not raised to meet their expectations, but the expectations of the mother. A narcissistic mother needs to show the outside world that she is superior and sees her child as merely a tool or accessory to achieve this.
The child will not be able to pursue activities that he finds interesting unless they fit the way the mother wants him to be conceived. A mother will control every aspect of her child’s life, but she won’t care about his personality or his emotions, just so he can maintain the façade of his perfect life.
- You must be the center of attention
Every narcissist wants to be the center of attention, and that’s a given, but how does that affect the parent-child relationship? The narcissistic mother will use the child to focus the spotlight on herself. She will exaggerate her child’s accomplishments and successes and will dominate any conversation to bring the topic back to her offspring.
She will exaggerate her child’s accomplishments, dress up and brag about her child, but only to take the credit for it. You will brag about their accomplishments while explaining the vital role you played in them.
- It conveys a great sense of self
The narcissist has an inflated ego and a high sense of self, which they pass on to their children. Children grow up believing that those around them are not worthy and unworthy of them. The mother also teaches them that others can and should be used as tools for their advancement in life.
By embodying others in a child’s life, it is easier for a mother to teach her children that they are superior and have a sense of entitlement.
- Promote a superficial image
All narcissists create an image that they project to the world to hide their true nature. This superficial image can be displayed in many ways, for example; Driving a flashy car, owning a big house, wearing expensive clothes, handbags, and jewelry.
Narcissistic mothers use their children to help boost their superficial image by bragging about their school reports or achievements or wearing expensive clothes.
- Manipulation
Narcissistic mothers use manipulation for the child to receive love and attention. Instead of this being a normal expression between parents and children, the narcissistic mother withholds love to exploit her child to do her bidding.
You will lie, play mind games, deceive, and deceive the child to undermine him until he becomes mentally weak and easily manipulated.
- She will have a favorite child
It’s an unwritten rule that parents don’t have a favorite child, but a narcissistic mother would undoubtedly be her favorite if there were more than two siblings in the family.
You will split them up to pit them against each other and maintain control over all of them. The favorite will get anything he wants while the scapegoated child will be reprimanded at any moment.
- The child is always the source of any problems
There is no doubt that anything that goes wrong in a narcissistic mother’s life will be blamed on her children. She has such a firm and concrete belief in herself that she can’t see how anything could be her fault, so she focuses on the kids.
Since her children will likely be close to her for a good portion of the time, she will find them an easy target for her disappointment.
- You will depend on the child later in life
Although she blames her children growing up for everything that went wrong in her life, the narcissistic mother expects her children to take care of her later in life.
They will pretend to be dependent on their children and feign emotional blackmail to keep their children close to them, or at least to support them.
- She will be jealous of her child’s success
Although a narcissistic mother will use her child’s success to boost her profile, once that child grows up she is likely to become jealous of any accomplishments later in life.
If any sign of the child’s independence or leaving, the mother will meet with anger, emotional outbursts, and aggression.
- Narcissistic mothers neglect their children
A narcissistic mother will not care at all about her children unless they can add to her accomplishments in some way. They are more likely to focus on their pleasures and activities and leave the child to the other parent or some family member.
If you can identify some of the above traits, and you believe you may have been raised by a narcissistic mother, it is important to know the following:
It wasn’t your fault
You can’t cure it
There is nothing you can do
She will not change her behavior
However, this is hope, says Rhine Wolfe, as part of her “30 Healing Affirmations for Daughters of Toxic Mothers”:
