I’ve talked a lot about having a support system and its benefits. But what if your support system is the most toxic part of your life?
Having a toxic support system is like asking the guy, who is kicking you in the leg, what he thinks you need to do to stop it. It’s weird and confusing, and you don’t solve any problems that way.
Yes, it’s nice to have a healthy support system, but how do you know which is which?
Signs your support system is toxic
It may seem that the people who care about you, really do care about you. You think of your family and assume they don’t want you any harm, right?
There are those who already know the imbalance in their family and with their friends. However, we keep turning to them for help. Is it toxic? Or are we just misunderstanding the advice?
Let’s examine several signs of a toxic support system.
- It feeds on drama
Pay attention to people when you tell them your problems. Do their eyes light up when you talk about negative situations? Do they get excited when you talk about getting hurt?
If so, then you are dealing with someone who is fueling drama. They are not a healthy source of support. Stop feeding them.
- Hypocrites
Have you ever shared with your family something negative that you did, just to receive criticism, and then they did the same? Well, a toxic support system will have a hypocrite giving you advice that they won’t take their own.
Let’s say your sister tells you to stop judging people, and yet, you watch her judge her friends all the time. You cannot learn to be better if the person helping you is unhealthy or worse. Don’t talk to hypocrites.
- Your mind offends them
The toxic person in your support system will want you to think exactly like they do. If you decide to reject their advice, they act like you’ve done them wrong. They were offended, and the people affected can sometimes hold a grudge.
These are not positive people who want to help you. These are the people who want to train a pet. Don’t be fooled.
- Gossip
People who talk to you about other people will also talk to other people about you. I know you’ve heard that before. And that’s right.
If you consider someone who gossips to be a member of your support system, you’re wrong. Don’t allow gossip to know about your business, because they don’t support you at all.
- They create conflict
Another sign that you may have a harmful support system is that a trusted confidant likes to stir up trouble. Have you noticed how your dad likes to start fights and then drag your name into the conversation?
Yes, this is not good at all. Not only does it cause unnecessary drama, but it also engages you. He may tell you that he’s making out with you, but it’s only for his pleasure.
Maybe not your father, but your sister, or your friends. Either way, provocateurs are toxic people who pretend to support you.
- Unreasonable and unnatural
The fake support system will suggest unreasonable or unnatural solutions to your problems.
For example, you could be married to a toxic man masquerading as a supporter. This is all kinds of absurdity. And your husband may think that if you threaten to quit your job, you will certainly get what you ask for.
This is just an exaggeration. This is also a toxic support system in your life, and it is not supportive at all.
- Inappropriate and disrespectful
You can consider your spouse your main source of support. This may be true. Then again, she may not respect your space and time and speak harshly about your friends and family. It is not a healthy support system. She has toxic traits like selfishness.
Now, I think this is a little tricky, but the truth doesn’t lie. You can see negative behavior when you’d rather insult your friends than help you make peace with them.
- Childish treatment
If you have a somewhat childish group of people telling you how childish you are, it doesn’t make much sense. You will learn nothing from immaturity.
The only thing you can get from this group is knowing exactly what you don’t want to be. Young children cannot help others learn to make mature decisions. They are toxic pieces of your support system.
- Not taking responsibility
If your mother does not take responsibility for her actions, what can she teach you? People need to be honest about who they are and take responsibility for the mistakes they have made. This means a lot.
If they can’t do this simple task in life, they can’t support or help you either. It is only toxic to deny things rather than confront them.
- Only negative all the time
Here’s a personal experience: I have a friend who is always negative about everything. But for some strange reason, I keep going to him for advice. When I started writing this blog post, I realized that my boyfriend was a toxic part of my support system.
Therefore, if every time you talk about problems with a friend you considered supportive, and all they do is talk about doom and gloom, it will only make you feel bad. It’s toxic.
Do you have a toxic support system?
Now that you have a few pointers at your fingertips, scroll the list down and see if they match your set of aids. You might be surprised at any signs of her health.
