We’ve read a lot about the male narcissist, but how does the female narcissist work?

We’ve all met the type of person who seems to be completely self-absorbed, entitled to give other people’s time and energy, and so inconsiderate that they are labeled cruel when it comes to other people’s feelings and feelings.

Narcissism is a real phenomenon, with or without the label. It is considered a personality disorder. Although it is included in the DSM-5, narcissistic personality disorder, according to Psychiatric Times, remains a highly debated topic. One reason is that it is not seen very often in psychiatric settings, while private practice seems to be showing more cases of this disorder.

So what is narcissism and does its incidence differ between the sexes?

According to the Mayo Clinic, it is “a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration but behind this mask of overconfidence lies low self-esteem that is vulnerable to the slightest criticism.”

It must also be remembered that narcissism occurs across a broad spectrum.

There may be narcissists who are obsessed with their appearance but who are not ruthless when it comes to other people’s feelings. There can also be those who expend great time and energy to appear strong, but who are too aware of their self-esteem to be weak. The latter is often referred to as a “vulnerable narcissist.”

Those who straddle the “weak” sides of the spectrum often have a more consistent sense of self, held together by a certain inexhaustible adjective.

To some extent, it can be said that narcissism plays out differently in the two sexes. Look at the world of fashion, clothing, and cosmetics, and you’ll want to think that women are the most narcissistic. Drug stores and drugstores will tell you a different story, however, when you look at the number of product launches that cater to men now. Go to the bike and car dealers, and the aspect of male narcissism will take an even more significant turn.

Related: Heavy Lies The Crown Of A Narcissist

So what is the difference between male and female narcissism?
Emily Grejava of the State University of New York (SUNY) and her team looked at data obtained from nearly half a million adults studied between 1990 and 2013. They based their findings and conclusions on the Narcissistic Personality Inventory (NPI), across three Topics picked from 40 items in the index that assess narcissistic tendencies.

The four factors considered in the study were exploitation/entitlement, leadership/power, and grandeur/show-off. The study track also involved the team looking at the “vulnerable” side of narcissism.

And the study found that men can outperform women on two of the three counts if not all three.

In the themes of exploitation/entitlement and leadership/power in particular, men ranked higher, while also in general, men seemed to take the trophy for being more narcissistic. Researchers have linked this to the way men and women are socialized, men are often recognized for their drive for power and women are punished for it.

On the other hand, on the topic of grandiosity/arousal, women tend to excel and the researchers linked this to the possibility of the fairer sex feeling pressure to appear more attractive.

As far as the “weak” part of the spectrum goes, it turns out that men and women are equally sensitive to the burns of fragile self-esteem.

How do you then spot a female narcissist?

The question, then, is: What can you look for in women, to know that you are dealing with narcissism?

Here are 7 ways to spot narcissism:

1. Being overly concerned about physical appearance.
   Across time and cultures, the message that women should be good-looking is more true than ever.

But in the narcissistic scenario, this aspect is taken to a completely different level. From body size to clothing to physique to makeup, everything associated with “looking good” is usually high on the list for a narcissistic woman.

2. Don’t take “no” lightly.
   A central feature of narcissism is an inflated sense of self.

Break it down a bit and you will always find the need to “feel good” and “get it right”.

This means that when a female narcissist hears “no,” she won’t take it kindly. It can be seen as a direct attack on her self-esteem, which is shaky, whether she admits it or not.

Related: Identifying Toxic Parenting: 16 Types Of Toxic Parents, Signs And How To Deal

3. He flirts even with people you don’t like.
   This aspect distinguishes female narcissists from their same-sex counterparts.

Simply because most women do not like to flirt with people they are not attracted to. For the female narcissist, this may be a way of getting things done her way given the context.

4. Apologizing is hard.
   For the same reason that making peace with a “no” is difficult for a narcissistic woman, an apology is also difficult.

The need to always be right is strong. And by extension, taking responsibility for what they didn’t do right is difficult. So if you know a woman who exhibits the frequent behavior of becoming aggressive or withdrawing when she points out something justified, you may be dealing with a narcissistic woman.

5. Lack of empathy for the people around him.
   Since narcissism as a trait revolves around self-centered behavior, female narcissists find it hard to give way to anyone’s opinions other than their own.

Narcissistic women, not much different from narcissistic men, are usually inflexible people who care to stop. The “alpha” quality of their behavior makes them aggressive and unwilling to listen and empathize.

People around them are likely to feel unheard and marginalized.

6. Manipulate more than negotiate.
   One of the classic tasks of adulthood is to negotiate with the world and the context in which people live. However, in the narcissistic scenario, negotiation is inaccessible due to the narcissist’s fragile ego state.

Negotiation often requires a certain amount of give and take. Because of the narcissistic female’s inherent self-centeredness, manipulation is the fastest. This ensures that she can get her way in and unsuspecting folk may not realize they have been manipulated!

Related: What Is Golden Child Syndrome? 10 Signs Of “The Favorite Child”

7. He sees everything through the lens of competition.
   Narcissistic femininity results in an attitude of looking at everything through tinted glasses.

Now, this often differs from the leadership/power context that male narcissists experience. Because of the way women are socialized, this can come in the form of passive aggression, and if you’re not watching, it can be manipulative.

Trying to be the alpha may be more secretive than overt, and in this, the female narcissist may end up deceiving herself.

It is important to remember that narcissism cannot always be caught on the go. It is also true that not all forms of narcissism are unhealthy.

A certain amount of self-importance can help people grow and become more aware.

Having said that, anything in excess can assume a certain ‘darkness’. It’s about setting things right and knowing what’s right for you, apart from seeking out a psychiatric diagnosis if a particular context warrants it.