“The narcissistic projection is a psychological manipulation to deny their own mistakes because they can never be held accountable, instead accusing those around them.” – Elizabeth Shaw

Has a narcissist ever told you that you are too self-centered, or had a cheating partner accuse you of sneaking around? We discuss narcissists’ preferred defense mechanisms. You might have guessed it. prediction. Did you know that there are different types? I will explain the two types of projection and what this narcissistic defense protects against.

They’re hiding something, even from themselves, and it’s probably more serious than you realize. Remember the scene at the end of Titanic where Rose clung to the door to save herself from drowning?

This is how the narcissist clings to defense mechanisms such as projection. As much as I hate to say it, if you’re stuck with a narcissist, you’re not Rose. You are Jack. There is no place for you. I realize that was tough. This is also true. I was there and nearly drowned in the emotional chaos caused by some toxic hope.

We have already discussed projection as a defense mechanism, which is a Freudian concept. Freud believed that people use projection to protect themselves from things they cannot handle. Projection is one of the many defenses in a narcissist’s arsenal, but it’s the most common. Narcissists are not the only ones who use projection. Everyone does.

After the dust settles, the narcissist will multiply.

It’s just that someone who isn’t a narcissist will eventually reflect on themselves and realize they need healing. It may take some time, but most people eventually get there. Just because you noticed someone using projection and it was obvious doesn’t mean they are a narcissist. Just watch how they react when you call them in the heat of the moment.

Anyone can keep their momentum going, but does it seem like they can self-reflect when things calm down? If so, this is probably the last time you will have to deal with this drop because they are now aware of it. A narcissist, on the other hand, will double down even after the dust has settled in an argument, claiming it wasn’t them, it was you.

The first and most common type is the outright accusation. This may be an accusation of something. The narcissist, for example, is a cheater. It could be a concern about what other people think of them.

For example, if their greatest fear is that people will think they are poor, or independent, they will project that onto them. This could be true about you, or it could be out of the realm entirely. When something is off the ground, it’s very confusing at first. However, once the projection is understood, it becomes clearer.

The narcissist can also effectively change you to them.

The second type of projection is when the narcissist turns you into them. It’s when he intentionally causes what’s known as reactive abuse to make you look like the bad guy.

Reactive abuse occurs when a narcissist pushes a person to a breaking point. We all have one. This is when you might act completely abnormal, making you look like the abuser.

However, even if it appears outwardly offensive, reactive abuse is not abuse. It is, as the name suggests, a reaction to abuse. However, the behavior or reaction may be unacceptable, and we are always responsible for our actions.

However, the reaction does not make you the abuser. If you take the bait, this intentional stimulation is a form of projection that you have accepted as your own. It’s also the most giant charade a narcissist can put on. Unfortunately, because they know your triggers and feel emotionally connected to them, they are very good at getting you to respond.

Because your reactive behavior is so out of character and out of control, you feel bad about yourself, right? This is the narcissist projecting his or her feelings onto you.

On the surface, the narcissist’s behavior is evident. They cheat, so they accuse you of it. They are abusive, so they are experts at creating situations where they can play the victim and point the finger at you. I’m not offensive, you see. You. We know that they hide their ugly feelings because these aspects of themselves do not support their false personality.

As I mentioned earlier, there is more to it than that. It’s not just the behaviors they hide. It’s the shame they feel behind it.

Every narcissist’s dirty little secret is a shame.

Shame is the ugly secret that every narcissist hides, not only from the rest of the world but also from themselves. One widely accepted theory is that the narcissist was shamed and humiliated as a child by lovely parents and possibly by bullies in the playground. They have been humiliated by their actions, their personalities, and their emotions.

As a result, they learn from an early age that feelings punish, but power and control do not. The narcissist never learned the tools to regulate those negative feelings. This is the difference between the shame felt by the narcissist and the shame felt by everyone else.

The narcissist literally can’t handle it, so they push him down as hard as they can and create a false, shameless persona, but it doesn’t work. Shame will always rise to the surface, and it can be intense at times. As adults, narcissists will get angry whenever they feel shame, but before and during anger, they will step up.

Consider subtle projection, such as narcissists’ way of hiding their shame between outbursts of anger. In my opinion, shame is the most misunderstood emotion.

Some people associate it with guilt. Some people mistake it for an embarrassment. It’s none of those things. I think this is where we should all pause and give credit to Bren Brown for bringing shame to light. I love the way it frames shame versus embarrassment, and I think it tells us everything we need to know about these dangerous feelings.

“Embarrassment is a fleeting feeling of discomfort. What distinguishes embarrassment from shame is that when we do something embarrassing, we know we’re not the only ones who did it. Shame makes us feel completely alone.”

You fight, but they can’t.

A distinction must be made between shame and guilt. Guilt occurs when you feel wrong about something you did and recognize the behavior as wrong. Shame occurs when you realize you are wrong. The difference between “I did a terrible thing” and “I am horrible.”

Narcissists are less likely than the average person to feel guilt or embarrassment, but they do feel shame. Since they never developed the tools to deal with shame, they treat it as if it were an alien invader threatening their way of life.

What do you do when you are invaded? You fight, but because they can’t fight themselves, the narcissist ends up fighting you. You are the problem and you should be ashamed of yourself. This manifests as narcissistic anger, and seeps into everyday life.

If you’ve ever experienced shame, you know it can be a roller coaster ride. It can be small and manageable at times, but it can also be overwhelming.

However, the level of anger and protection you experience from narcissists is directly related to the level of shame they feel at any given time. I cannot talk about shame and narcissism without mentioning the distinction between vulnerable or covert narcissism and grandiose or overt narcissism.

The sensitive narcissist feels more shame than the senior narcissist.

We know that these types of narcissism exist on a large scale, and a vulnerable narcissist may display grandiose tendencies and vice versa. However, one study found that the vulnerable narcissist is more in touch with their shame than the grandiose narcissist.

I would like to stress that this does not necessarily mean that the arrogant narcissist is shameless, but they are more protected from it either way.

If you shame any type of narcissist, expect anger and projection. However, the grandiose narcissist has developed a much stronger false and enlarged self, which can be seen as a shield of armor. The bullets keep hitting, but they are not affected by the pain. According to research, the vulnerable narcissist, on the other hand, relies more on external validation.

For example, if they notice your disapproving expression, they are more likely to react than a Grandiose Narcissist would. They will react with projection and possibly anger. Not being validated will likely activate their shame, while a very grandiose narcissist will feel like they are flying so high above you that they may not even notice your disapproving gaze.

They are much better at validating themselves and don’t care about the opinions of lesser beings. If you elicit a shameful response from Grande’s narcissist, it will likely come across as a nuisance, as if you think you deserve an opinion of her at all.

Even if what you see is excessive arrogance, right now, they shame you and pass it off as if it were a hot potato.

Have you ever tried to pick up a hot potato straight from the oven? It hurts, and you want to get rid of it as soon as possible. It is similar to shyness and other negative emotions.

I’m subconsciously offering you because I can’t stand the embarrassment.

Now that we’ve covered the projection and major covert narcissists hiding behind their expectations, let’s move on to the one strategy that works for dealing with it: refusing the hot potato.

Don’t accept what the other person is putting on you, and don’t act reactive. I know it’s easier said than done, but once you start to identify a projection, it’s a lot easier to stay calm than to hear the words as they were said and understand their true meaning.

For example, with projection, the translation of “You should be ashamed of yourself” is “I am ashamed of myself, and I subconsciously project upon you because I literally cannot handle that shame.” Just keep in mind that, by definition, the person projecting has no idea what they’re doing.

They project something they have buried so deeply that they don’t consciously realize it. This is how projection affects you. The person presenting the project can be very persuasive because they truly believe in what they are saying. Above all, if someone is making you feel negative feelings, know that they are doing it and stay calm.

It’s not always a projection, but if you can stop reacting, you’ll be able to see things for what they really are. I know it can seem impossible sometimes because projection from a narcissist is often accompanied by narcissistic rage, which can be scary and intimidating.