When we understand human dynamics on a closer and deeper level – we can notice that there are many similarities between narcissistic and common personalities, with some distinct differences.
Both the codependent and the narcissist feel an intense inner emptiness—both seek a definition of “self” from external sources. The narcissist and his collaborator have similar feelings of unworthiness, internalized beliefs of not being “good enough” and intense doubt and insecurity about being a healthy “self-source.”
The real defining factor between a codependent and a narcissist is “conscience.” Codependent people have a conscience — while narcissists do not. Both the narcissist and the partner are unhealthily trying to count on getting their needs met. Narcissists’ tactics are more insidious.
The model of the world on which the subscriber relies is: “I am hurt. If I loved you and reached out to you more, you would give me what I need. The world model of the narcissist is: “I am hurt. I don’t trust you – I never will. I will pit myself against you and take from you to satisfy my needs.”
Codependency makes it all about the narcissist, and the narcissist makes it all about himself or herself.
Co-dependence is indeed a poor sense of self and combined with his intense focus on the narcissist to provide love, approval, and validation—extreme pain, fear, and helplessness result when the narcissist continues to abuse and does not grant love, approval, and validation.
Co-dependents are unknowingly perfect targets for allowing this shift to happen. This occurs when a codependent becomes “narcissistic” and “acts out.” The codependency then becomes irrational, demanding, self-absorbing, and controlling — intensely. These are fear and panic tactics. Trying to survive and fulfill needs while dealing with a narcissistic personality.
