Keeping the romance alive in your relationship, and working to make sure the spark is still there, can do a lot of good for your bond, in the long run.

Whether you’ve been together for a few months or decades, it’s important to take steps to keep some spark in your relationship. Some consistency can be nice in a relationship, but divergence from the daily routine is important to make things more fun. If you are in a monogamous relationship, this diversity must come from within your partnership.

While it would be great for the two of you to get away to an exotic island where you can spend days sipping coconut-flavored drinks on the beach, you also want to have some ways to spice up your relationship during your normal days.

Here are 13 great ways to put some spark back into your relationship that doesn’t take a lot of time or money but can be very powerful when applied.

13 Ways to keep the suspense in your relationship

1. Let’s get physical
   Physical touch is key to an important relationship. Sure, that includes sex, but also so much more than that. Hug your partner, rub his back, hold her hand, and give him a massage. Oxytocin is released by physical touch, which has been shown to give a lot of benefits, from feeling close to being more generous to have a stronger immune system.

Related: 6 Signs Your Partner Is Also Your Best Friend

2. Smile! You are on camera
   Pretend as if the camera is following you every time you interact with your spouse (except when you have an X-rated time). How would you act if you knew others were watching you? Kind, thoughtful, simple? Now act like this every time you are with your partner.
3. Say “I’m sorry”
   We all mess up from time to time, say things we later regret, and do things we shouldn’t. However, we often justify these actions to ourselves and our partners. This can lead to resentment and defensiveness — not the ingredients for a happy relationship.

Next time you make a mistake, admit your mistake and move on. This will help your partner feel close to you.

suspense in your relationship

4. It looks good
   Take steps to feel good about your body and the way you look. This is for you and your partner. For example, when women feel good about their bodies, research shows they feel 19 percent more satisfied in their marriage. Don’t worry; You don’t need to look like a supermodel. Just taking steps to feel good about yourself can be good for you.

As one of my male clients said, “I don’t need her to be skinny; I just want to know she’s putting in some effort to look good. It makes me feel important.” I have female clients who express the same sentiments.

5. Listen to your partner
   This advice is multifaceted. First, it’s important to listen — really listen — to your partner. Ask him about his day and then get interested. (If you find it difficult to be caring, you might want to practice some empathy skills training.) One client who came in because he and his wife were considering divorce lamented, “She never asks me about my day. She just complains about it.” Your partner wants to be heard and understood.

Another reason to listen to your partner is if your partner tells you what they want from you. What kinds of things does he say or do to tell you that he loves you? For example, when we got married for the first time, I realized that my husband often said to me “I’m so proud of you” when I was talking about my work. At first, I just said, “Thank you,” but then I realized that was what he needed to hear from me. And when I started telling him I was proud of him, I could tell he felt loved.

6. You have outside interests and support
   Your partner can’t meet all of your needs—best friend, stress manager, mentor, conflict resolver, flick spotter, even sports spectator. It is important to have additional sources of support in your life. This will take the pressure off your date to be everything to you. Better yet, pursue your interests. Sure, it’s great to do things together. But you also want to respect your areas of interest and follow those passions.
7. Do fun stuff
   If going to Target is the oddest thing you tend to do on the weekends, it’s time for a change. I don’t need a lot of money or vacation days. Choose to do something fun together. This could be watching a funny movie, going for a walk, trying a new restaurant, learning something new by taking a class together, volunteering, or working together.

Anything new and positive can help boost happiness in your relationship.

Related: The 3 Types Of Chemistry You Need For It To Be True Love

8. Focus on win-win

Stop keeping score of all that you do (and all that your partner doesn’t). Stop your need to be right.

People in happy relationships don’t view themselves as two different sides. There is no “I win, you lose” mentality. Instead, they focus on win-win. That means being willing to compromise, admitting when you’re wrong, and focusing on being happy instead of being right.

9. Reunited and it feels so good

When you and your partner reunite—at the end of a day, when one of you comes back from a trip, or even when you wake up—do something to show your love. When your partner comes home, for example, stop what you are doing (within reason) and devote just a few seconds to being completely present with her.

Give her a hug or kiss, look her in the eyes, and ask her how she is. Put down your phone, pause the TV, turn down the stove—do whatever you need to focus even just a short amount of time on your partner. You both will feel much more connected.

10. Be respectful

John Gottman is a pioneer in research about the longevity of marriages. In fact, in a longitudinal study, he was able to predict with 93 percent accuracy which couples would eventually get divorced. He has identified what he refers to as the four horsemen, which are predictors of relationship problems—criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.

The quick antidote for these is to simply be respectful. Rather than criticize, openly communicate without criticism. Instead of contempt, express disappointment without eye rolls or passive-aggressive comments. Ditch the defensiveness; it is important to take feedback so you and your relationship can improve. And rather than stonewall, listen to your partner and have a constructive conversation when things are not going as smoothly as you would like. Learn to communicate even your disappointments with respect.

11. Just ask
    This one takes an open mind. Ask your partner, “What is one thing I can do this week to be a better partner for you?” The response may be surprising. The point is not to be defensive – “I’m already doing it anyway!” or “Wow, I hope you do too!”

Instead, simply absorb what you’re hearing and take steps to carry out your partner’s desire (as long as it’s within your moral bounds). This is a great way to satisfy needs you may not have even realized your partner has.

Related: 10 Soulmate Myths To Stop Believing To Discover Your Ideal Partner

12. Stick to the 5-to-1 rule
    While you may think giving a compliment to your partner will counter some of the negative “feedback” you’re giving, think again. The “magic ratio” is not 1:1, it is 5:1.

This means that in order to have overall positive feelings about your relationship, you must have at least five positive encounters (actions, statements) for every negative encounter. take home? Spend more time telling and showing your partner what you love and appreciate in them, laugh more, and spend more quality time together. When you do, it makes it easier for you to get through the tough times.

13. Drop perfectionism
    Stop expecting your partner (or yourself) to be perfect. Ditch the all-or-nothing attitude — “You didn’t ask me about my presentation today, so don’t mind me” or “You didn’t want to have sex last night because you didn’t find me attractive.”

Stop personalizing and generalizing your partner’s actions. Instead, accept where they are. Be assertive by communicating your needs and wants in a respectful manner. Forgive your partner. And moved on.

Above all, be optimistic. Relationships, like life, have their ups and downs. If you’re on a downhill slope right now, have faith: Things can get better. Put some time, energy, and love into your relationship. Focus on being the best partner you can be. Get help if you need it. And see the positive in your partner and in your relationship.