Why does your history keep repeating itself? Do you often find yourself asking, “Why do I keep attracting toxic partners into my life” when you deserve otherwise? Maybe you need to look deep inside yourself to really figure out why you keep attracting toxic partners all the time.

Have you ever felt like you were a “garbage magnet” when it came to your love life? Do you find yourself frequently dating and falling in love with manipulative men who have narcissistic personality traits? Confused about why this is happening to you over and over again?

If so, there are some deep relationship questions you should ask yourself that can help reveal why you keep falling for these controlling men.

Internal injuries from your early childhood circumstances and experiences, such as toxic family dynamics or bullying, affect your physical, emotional, and mental health as an adult, and shape the way you live life.

These unconscious layers of trauma may lead you to seek out unhealthy and abusive people, who in turn seek out vulnerable people (like you) to take over in order to satisfy their selfish need to feel important, powerful, and in control in relationships.

If you have unhealed inner injuries, you may inadvertently attract men with narcissistic personality traits.

Why do I continue to attract Toxic Partners?

To answer that question, here are 8 deep relationship questions to ask yourself if you’re still falling for controlling and manipulative men with narcissistic personality traits:

Do you think someone else will heal your wounds?
Perhaps you are constantly looking for a partner to cling to and rely on to heal those painful wounds. What you need to understand, however, is that other people cannot process your pain. Other people don’t have the resources to fix another human being. The only person who can heal you is you.

You’ve been searching your whole life for someone to heal your wounds and the toxic guys you’ve been dating have been searching their whole lives for someone who needs just that. They fed your fears with all this fake magic and fake love, when you thought they could bandage your sores.

Do you think that you can change a person, and that he, in turn, can change you?
The more you try to force people to become what you want them to be, the more you can control them. You lose your power. You give them responsibility for your wellness. And in return, you lose your dignity, self-respect and mental health.

If you think you can help the toxic men you’ve dated understand their struggles, you’re only continuing this cycle of emotional dependence. You are trying to force them to take responsibility.

These people are individuals in charge of their lives, and the desire for long-term change must come from within them.

Do you feel responsible for the feelings of others?
Do you find yourself having difficulty setting boundaries with people or rejection? Do you find it difficult to stand up for yourself?

Perhaps you are taking responsibility for others rather than letting them learn to take responsibility for themselves. You may think that your mission is to save people or protect them from their hurt feelings or from the consequences of their actions.

You might try to calm them down and tell them it’s not their fault. Or you might try to take the pain for them.

If you put other people’s needs before your own and see this as a righteous strength of character, this can cause you to miss out on toxic behavior in your partner. By doing so, you again do not allow this person to take responsibility for their life, their behavior and the resulting consequences, good or bad.

Do you neglect your own needs to avoid feeling “selfish” or “lazy”?
Do you feel guilty for taking care of yourself or doing things for yourself? Do you feel uncomfortable when you have “me” time? Do you only have a sense of value if you are productive or do things?

You may have been taught at an early age, perhaps by parents, caregivers, or teachers, that taking care of yourself or having free time and letting yourself rest is lazy, self-centered, and absolutely 100% to be avoided at all costs.

Are you a people pleaser?
Does it bother you when others think badly of you? Some people think that having people like them is a requirement and that they are willing to do almost anything to gain the approval of others.

Some people worry excessively about offending or hurting people’s feelings and, as a result, become their “people pleasers” and overlook their own needs in favor of someone else’s.

When you are a people pleaser, you are more likely to put up with inappropriate, hurtful, and toxic behavior from a partner. You don’t want your guy to feel too guilty about his bad behavior towards you, so you say, “It’s okay. I’m fine. Don’t worry. We’re fine.”

Have you experienced rejection, abandonment, shame, betrayal, and/or injustice?
Have you been a victim of some form of abuse in the past? Did you feel invalidated by a parent, like you weren’t worthy of your feelings, or that your feelings were wrong or selfish? Some caregivers raise children with an incredible dose of shame as a way to control their behavior.

They may use guilt trips to make you feel guilty for having feelings because you were hurt that you expressed. Perhaps you were criticized as a child and felt as if you couldn’t do anything right? They may have given you the message that you could never have their approval and that their love and acceptance was conditioned on being a “good girl.”

When a parent uses shame or guilt, it is actually a form of manipulation. Since that is what she was brought up with, this will lead to her being prone to manipulating you as an adult, especially in an intimate relationship.

Do you feel worthless and afraid of being alone?
Do you beat yourself up and criticize yourself for your failures? Are you afraid of being single? Do you berate your weaknesses and hate yourself for them? Perhaps you feel as if you are unloved, unworthy, flawed, and don’t feel worthy of love?

It is perfectly normal to want security in your life, but some people’s inner shame and sense of unworthiness leads them to be willing to do everything they can to ensure their own security. Even if it means they have to make excuses for others, fix their own mistakes, or protect them.

If you are afraid of being alone, you are more likely to willingly ignore an issue in order to maintain security and protect yourself from loneliness.

Are you goal-oriented and persistent, no matter what?
Do you set goals that you know you will always achieve? Do you feel that your worth in life is based on the goals you achieve? Do you feel unworthy if you fail to achieve your goals?

Some people are so committed to their “never give up or give up” attitude that they end up ignoring their partner’s terrible behavior, with the misguided notion that they can’t give up on the relationship because it will be seen as a failure.

Sometimes people are so persistent that they end up working too hard and doing everything for everyone, which leads them to walk away completely. You may even hate relying on other people for help and choose to do everything yourself. If you do, it’s time to reconsider the consequences of focusing too much on avoiding failure.

You can go through this experience of taking responsibility for your recovery, knowing that it will be hard and that it will take time, but that you will emerge on the other side so strong and healthy that you will show utter empowerment.

You will never accept substandard behavior. You will get rid of toxic, abusive, and infantile men with narcissistic personality traits and will attract only high-quality individuals into your life.

Why do I continue to attract Toxic Partners?

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