Remember those times when you had to assess someone before recommending them to your organization?
No one is perfect in this often-selective role, and there are many reasons for misjudgments, but the following story might leave you with a sense of regret:
After the interview, you conclude that this person is competent, engaging, caring, and intelligent—precisely the type of person who will succeed personally and contribute to the organization’s goals. You might even expect to develop a friendship.
But as time passes, you realize that this first impression was wrong, very wrong. Too late, you discover that the interview masked dangerous traits within your organization—the traits of an extreme narcissist—and you and everyone else are now stuck dealing with the mounting social fallout.
Despite this person’s talent, it’s being used solely for their own self-interest, and everyone knows what that self-interest is. A strange, ever-increasing self-absorption is evident, accompanied by an intense craving for admiration, even as they strive for and climb every rung of the organizational ladder, while those below feel trampled underfoot.
Yes, this person possesses a charm that initially seemed captivating, but it quickly proved superficial and off-putting, as their actions shattered the positive expectations created by those first impressions.
Attention? All you gleaned from the interview was empty flattery. In reality, this person seems to lack empathy and demonstrates an unwillingness to sacrifice themselves when the organization’s goals don’t align with their personal interests. Your recommendation is deeply regrettable.
The very idea of ​​friendship is repulsive.
Your and your organization’s goal now is: how do we get rid of this parasite? A general characterization isn’t a good option, as the person is unlikely to even recognize any flaws in their own character. Only a court order can compel a person to engage in self-reflection through therapy, and even this may lead to the early retirement of the appointed therapist.
Related : 6 Common Traits of Narcissists and Gaslighters
While this narrative may seem exaggerated and oversimplifying in its critique of narcissists, it is likely a common thread, with countless possibilities unfolding depending on which aspects of narcissism dominate the personality traits (and there are many important distinctions to consider), and where each aspect falls on a spectrum ranging from mild to severe (as recent studies lend some empirical credibility to the general pattern and these complex possibilities). A remarkably similar pattern emerges in intimate relationships, both personal and interpersonal. A simple search for “narcissism” in the book section of Amazon will provide compelling evidence of this. Most of these books aim to help people who have inadvertently hired—or married—a narcissist.
I believe one underappreciated factor in explaining the growing aversion to narcissists is the increasing discrepancy between their true behavior and the initially memorable facade they present. In reality, the narcissist appears to be a first-rate, self-serving hypocrite, and this discrepancy becomes ever more apparent. The narcissist may maintain this facade longer in front of those with higher status or authority, acting selfishly only with those of lower status and authority (and I believe these are the ones who will detect the early signs of narcissism within the organization). However, the self-serving individual will eventually reveal their true behavior, exposing their lurking narcissism to everyone. At the same time, the pretense, driven in part by a desire for admiration, remains ludicrous under these circumstances. The stark contrast between the initial impression and the nonsense upon which the self-presentation is based, coupled with the evolving recognition of the narcissist’s true qualities—exacerbated by persistent self-presentation tactics largely aimed at those with high status and authority—will inevitably generate a wave of resentment and disgust.
