Narcissists have become known as malevolent beings from whom no good can be expected, and they do not deserve our pity or sympathy. Because compromising your boundaries with a narcissist only encourages them to exploit your attention and energy, setting firm boundaries and maintaining quiet vigilance are essential at all times, without exception.
Many victims of narcissism are deluded into thinking that if they show enough love and empathy, the narcissist will find a way back into their heart. But a harsh lesson awaits them.
When we look at ways to treat narcissists, we find ourselves facing a chicken-and-egg dilemma. In childhood, the narcissist was never seen, appreciated, or loved for who they were, and therefore developed a grandiose, false persona to cope with the pain. The path to healing is love, as many of us know. Yet, the narcissist avoids love and misuses it. This raises the question: if someone is never given or shown love, how can they heal without it?
The answer, however strange it may seem, is for the narcissist to love themselves.
This statement might shock, horrify, or even elicit hysterical laughter from anyone deeply affected by narcissistic abuse. However, it’s important to recognize that the term “narcissist” is relatively new in our time. Awareness is expanding at an incredible pace. Our understanding of B-type personality types is constantly growing, and narcissists—both overt and covert—are increasingly paying attention to them.
In the last century, a narcissist could abuse their victim and leave them in a state of misery without anyone noticing. With a rudimentary understanding of the dynamics of abuse, the victim was condemned to suffer repeatedly. Now, we are gaining more awareness. We are learning all the nuances and tricks of the narcissist. We are practicing self-care and setting boundaries. We are healing, evolving, and becoming stronger. When we are hurt even once, we learn much faster than our ancestors could, and then we make the necessary adjustments. The narcissist’s opportunities to exploit others are rapidly diminishing. The day of reckoning is approaching, both for the narcissist and for narcissism as an ideology. The rewards sought for this effort may no longer be worthwhile.
Related : Exploring The Narcissist’s Sado-Masochistic World
So, what can the narcissist do? Fortunately, we are not only developing our ability to identify the pathological problem, but alternative medicine and psychotropic drugs are emerging as therapeutic approaches. Psychotherapy has become more accessible. Men’s and women’s circles, as well as dance groups and spiritual communities, are proliferating, advocating authenticity and connection. The benefits of honesty are increasing, while the rewards of narcissism are diminishing, at least on a relational level.
The narcissist may reach a crossroads, seeing on one side a life filled with exploitation, abuse, and emptiness, and on the other a life filled with healing, meaning, and connection. Perhaps, just perhaps, the incentives will be sufficient to choose honesty.
But this path will not be easy. It is often treacherous and fraught with obstacles. It winds through dense forests and treacherous jungles, where dangerous beasts lurk. Yet, this is merely the inner journey. The journey outward can offer safe spaces and ample opportunities for healing, if only the narcissist can muster the courage.
Above all, the narcissist will need to learn the art of self-acceptance, self-understanding, and self-love. These are their most loyal companions on their journey into the depths of their own dark self. As the narcissist’s vanity grows and they begin to transform their shameful core, their motivation to continue will only increase.
No one should tolerate, love, sympathize with, try to fix, or attempt to heal the narcissist’s dark wounds—except the narcissist themselves. If the narcissist cannot bear their own pain for even a moment, why should anyone else? The path is theirs alone.
We, as a society, face an equally difficult crossroads. As our society transforms into one that rewards narcissism and exploitation, thanks to online dating, online pornography, and social media, which path will we choose? Will we reconnect, or will we continue down the path of self-absorption, leading to disintegration, emptiness, and ruin?
The narcissist must relinquish their false self and confront their demons. As they progress on their journey, others can connect with them within certain boundaries, aiming for healing and mutual growth. However, as long as the narcissist clings to their false image and refuses self-reflection, and as long as they continue to pursue the fleeting pleasure of narcissistic gratification, they remain a danger to others and must be treated accordingly.
The choice is now yours, narcissist.
