Because of profound emotional neglect, narcissists experience a deep inner emptiness. They have never been seen or represented as they truly are. Whenever they express an authentic aspect of their personality, they are shamed, ignored, ridiculed, or attacked.
The narcissist’s true self, which was once vibrant and alive, gradually withers away. This leads them to confront a kind of death, a void within.
No one can connect with someone who is dead inside. Therefore, the narcissist creates a false self, nourished by their imagination. In other words, they detach themselves from reality and live in a world of their own making.
The reason a narcissist’s feelings fluctuate between desire and aversion towards you is that you are part of that imaginary world.
Because the narcissist has been treated as subhuman, they internalize a painful sense of inherent inadequacy. Their false pride is not merely a solution to a feeling of emptiness, but rather a remedy for an irreparable sense of inferiority. Therefore, the narcissist uses their imagination to create an alternate, vibrant, and exceptional self. To maintain this false reality, everything the narcissist allows into their world must also be exceptional.
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However, even imperfect individuals can disappoint the narcissist. So, the narcissist imagines you as perfect, portraying you as someone they will love and accept unconditionally, without any flaws. With this implicit agreement, the narcissist allows you into their world.
The problem is that you are neither perfect nor complete; you are human. Ultimately, reality always asserts itself in the narcissist’s imaginary world. No matter how hard you try to please the narcissist, you will always disappoint them. No one can meet the narcissist’s inflated, even insane, expectations.
The narcissist’s mood swings are merely the outward manifestation of their internal struggle to keep you as the perfect person in their life. The solution lies not in understanding the narcissist’s inner motivations, but in realizing that you are not real to them. You are simply an illusion in their imagination, obscuring your true self. The sooner you accept this reality and separate from the narcissist, the better.
