Despite the lies, control, and manipulation, some people stay married to narcissists for years, leaving many wondering why.

Those who have never experienced a narcissistic relationship naturally wonder. But there are reasons why people stay with narcissists.

Narcissists use multiple tactics to mistreat their partners, yet they stay with them. Here’s why so many people stay married to narcissists…

Narcissists Are A Love BombIn The Beginning

At the beginning of a relationship, narcissists are typically a “lovebomb.” They act sweet, considerate, charming, and fun.

They often feign mutual interest and show interest in learning more about you. In short, they pretend to be the person they know you want them to be.

This makes the person fall in love with them, just as if they’ve met “the one” and are falling in love with them. #Dependence and Isolation

Related : Common Traits Of A Narcissist

Narcissists often control their new partners by creating a state of dependency. There are several ways they do this…

They may convince them to leave their jobs. Once they leave their jobs, they become completely dependent on their narcissist for money, which the narcissist exploits to their advantage.

Money is a great tool for punishment and reward, and they use it to encourage and discourage certain behaviors. An unemployed person also has a smaller circle of friends.

Narcissists sometimes find excuses to move to another area and convince their partners to join them. They do this for isolation.

With no friends or family nearby, the narcissist realizes that their partner is becoming increasingly dependent on them. The narcissist becomes their own world. And that’s what they like.

If they don’t remove them, the narcissist may spend so much time with them that they have little time for their friends and family. This pushes them away from their loved ones, creating an even greater need for the narcissist.

A narcissist may also stir up trouble between their partners, friends, and family, encouraging them to separate and break up.

Narcissists Gradually Show Their True Self

Once a narcissist feels you’ve captured them, they gradually abandon the sweet act. They then test you with subtle insults.

If you don’t react, they escalate the situation. If you respond, they accuse you of being overly sensitive or claim they were just making a joke. This creates confusion and doubt in their judgment, especially if they’re isolated, where there’s no one to check in with them.

If the narcissist takes things too far and you threaten to leave, they may revert to love bombing for a while. They then return to the sweet act, blaming external factors like stress or depression for their behavior.

You naturally forgive them, happy to return to the “good old days.” But, inevitably, they gradually revert to their controlling, manipulative, and sarcastic ways.

Over time, they become accustomed to their abusive behavior and justify it. When you’re isolated, it’s easy to lure yourself into considering this “normal.”

Narcissists Gradually Erode Your Self-Confidence

Over the months and years, narcissists gradually exhaust you, making you accept more and more of their criticism and skepticism, which gradually erodes your self-confidence. Depression and anxiety are common in partners of narcissists.

Related : How To Tell If A Narcissist Is Lying

Narcissists have a subtle talent for bringing you down, so you barely notice. It’s often subtle enough for them to deny it, but powerful enough to bring you down.

Even if you notice it, as your self-confidence erodes, you feel like you deserve it. You accept more of their bad behavior.

Narcissistic Intimidation

Some narcissists use intimidation to control their partners. Their partners may be too afraid to criticize them for their bad behavior, afraid of leaving them.

Narcissists often use indirect threats that they can later deny. For example, “God help you if you dare leave me.” They make it clear that something will happen if you leave them. But perhaps most frighteningly, they don’t reveal what it is.

Humans are wired to take the path of least resistance—the easy way out. So, with threats all around them, some believe it’s easier to stay. This is true in the short term, but not in the long term.

Looks Worse

Sadly, due to years of toxic behavior, the appearance of narcissists’ partners may deteriorate. This further undermines their self-esteem. They often feel like they can’t attract anyone else.

The narcissist may tell them how lucky you are to be with them. “I could be so much better than you.” With their boosted appearance and confidence, they accept their fate.

Narcissists Drop You a Strange Surprise

Narcissists aren’t stupid. They know they can’t be mean all the time. So they throw you compliments or sweet gestures every now and then, which prevents you from leaving.

Because you’re deprived of kindness and affection, you devour whatever morsel is thrown your way. You think your relationship is good.

Through years of getting to know you, the narcissist knows how far they can push things. Just enough to control you and get the most out of you, but not so far that they push you away.

Narcissists find the “sweet spot,” which unfortunately isn’t for you. Miserable, but not enough reason to leave them.

Trauma Attachment

Many people stay with narcissists because of a trauma association. This is when they become addicted to the ups and downs of the relationship.

Narcissistic relationships are dramatic, which releases stress hormones into the body.

Years of this drama become your new normal. Without the drama, things can seem boring by comparison. Additionally, without the stress hormones, you may feel hormonally out of balance, even if you’re in better health.

Unfortunately, some people meet a kind and compassionate person. But because they’ve become so used to the narcissist’s drama, they find the relationship boring. So they either go back to the narcissist or allow someone new to take their place.

Final_Thoughts

Narcissists are experts at manipulation; they have long experience. They learn how to lure you in, how to pressure you, and how to manipulate you to get their way.

They learn how far to push you without completely pushing you away. And if you leave, they know how to get you back. As they say, “whatever it takes.” Narcissists are comfortable looking you in the eye and lying to you blatantly.

Narcissists spend years manipulating, controlling, and manipulating you. They often don’t offer a good reason to leave, even if you’re desperate. They’re adept at leaving you at your most vulnerable, with your self-esteem shattered and unsure of what’s going on.

If you’ve been with a narcissist for a long time, or know someone who has, give yourself or them a break. Narcissists play a lot of mind games to keep their partners confused and off-balance, making it difficult to know what’s going on.

It’s natural to assume your partner has your best interests at heart. Because that’s what any empath would do. But narcissists are different. They use tactics and manipulation to extract as much as possible. Part of their plan is to keep you around for as long as possible. So they can continue to drain you dry.