Okay, here’s the surefire way to tell if a narcissist is lying. It’s foolproof, and it works 100%. Ready? Here we go…
They open their mouths!
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I’m joking, of course. But this brings up an important point. While narcissists lie more than others, they don’t lie all the time.
Narcissists need someone to give them attention and validation. They need some social support to achieve this. This means they usually lie strategically, not all the time.
Less experienced narcissists may lie more recklessly because they are impulsive and don’t value maintaining others’ approval.
However, high-functioning narcissists are more risk-averse. They may therefore tell the truth about matters that are less important to them, especially if there is a greater risk of being caught.
Related : How To Improve Your Sleep After A Narcissist Relationship
When a narcissist says something, it can be either a lie or it can be the truth. However, they are often adept at lying, thanks to years of practice. To help you, here are a list of telltale signs that a narcissist is lying…
Baseline
When analyzing their reactions, it’s important to first identify their baseline behaviors. This is when they are calm and honest.
Are they usually calm? Do they make good eye contact? Do they speak in a high or low tone? Knowing these things is important, because deviations from their normal reactions are what give you clues.
If they are usually calm and still when speaking, but then become unusually tense and agitated, this is a warning sign. However, if they are usually tense and agitated, it’s harder to reach the same conclusion.
Micro expressions
Usually, our first reaction to anything is honest. This is because our immediate reaction is an unfiltered response. But professional liars hide this by quickly changing their initial facial expressions. They may give a quick smile when you tell them you’ve lost your job, then replace it with a look of fake concern.
So pay attention to narcissists’ subtle expressions when they react to something, as they often reveal their true thoughts.
Most narcissists enjoy deceiving others because it confirms their superiority. So watch for subtle, out-of-context smiles, which indicate they enjoy lying.
Eye Contact
Some narcissists avoid eye contact when lying because they don’t want to give away any clues. They may look down at the floor or blink for long periods with their eyes closed. However, others take the opposite approach.
Some narcissists maintain an unnaturally intense gaze to mislead you. They may therefore hold eye contact with you for longer than usual. That’s why it’s important to know their basic behaviors.
Body Movement
Excessive fidgeting can be a sign of lying and stress. So pay attention to swaying, finger tapping, eye movement, etc.
Again, this can happen the other way around. Some people stay unnaturally still to hide their stress.
Again, it’s important to know their activity level. If they’re usually fidgety, it can’t be seen as a sign of stress and lying. Likewise, if they’re usually still, their stillness can’t be seen as a sign of overcompensation.
Self-Soothing Gestures
When people lie, they’re usually stressed. So they often engage in involuntary behaviors to soothe themselves. This might include touching their face, covering their mouths, or fiddling with their hair.
Related :! Narcissist Grandiosity Explained
If they’re doing these things unusually, they may have something to hide. At the very least, you should ask yourself why they feel the need to soothe themselves right now.
Empathy
As you probably know, narcissists lack emotional empathy. As a result, they don’t feel for others. This simple fact can sometimes help you spot a liar.
I remember one time a narcissist asked me for someone’s phone number because she was worried about them. I knew right away that she was lying about why she asked for the number. Because she never worries about anyone!
Contradictory Stories
It’s easy to stay consistent when telling the truth. And to repeat it almost the same way every time, because you remember what happened. But when you lie, you risk contradicting yourself, unless you remember all the fabricated details.
Sometimes narcissists contradict themselves in just a few sentences. They might be ranting about poverty one moment, then bragging about their new designer clothes the next.
Narcissists often repeat the same stories, whether to you or to someone else. So pay attention to key differences. If two versions are very different, they’re probably lying.
Changing The Subject
One of the most telling signs of narcissistic lying is their persistent desire to change the subject. They’re uncomfortable giving more details because they know the more details, the greater the likelihood of making a mistake.
If they were honest, they’d be happy to keep talking to win. So, if they refuse to continue, you need to ask yourself why.
Narcissists prefer to change the subject subtly. So, they may change it without you noticing.
Narcissists may deliberately interpret what you’ve said as “offensive” and display fake anger. This shifts the focus from their lie to you. Or, they may say something controversial or provocative, so you focus on that instead of their lie.
Related : Why Narcissists Hate It When You’re Ill
When dealing with narcissists, it’s a good idea to remain calm. Keep your point firmly in mind, then return to it whenever they deviate from it. They hate this!
Vague_Responses
Narcissists may use vague responses when evading others. So they’re not literally lying, but they’re definitely being deceptive.
If a narcissist is usually a good communicator, their vagueness is a major red flag, especially when they continue talking after being asked for clarification.
Shushing them is like hanging jelly (or jelly!) on a wall. So, it’s also helpful to remain calm, keep them focused on the topic, and press them for clear answers.
Anger
If you continue to pressure them, they may resort to anger. The narcissist may be unhappy that their attempts to answer their inquiries have failed, or their anger may be a deliberate ploy.
Narcissists may feign anger to intimidate you into backing down. This is because most people stop pressing when faced with hostility, even if they know the narcissist is wrong. So, the narcissist hopes their anger will end the conversation. Then they’ll move on with their lies.
Ask Unexpected Questions
A sudden question can reveal a narcissist. This is because truth-tellers have the truth they’ve witnessed to rely on. Liars, on the other hand, have to make it up on the spot, which can be difficult and stressful.
Related : Why Narcissists Hate Being Alone
So ask questions like, “What was the weather like when you were there?” and then observe their reaction. This is a good question because you can later check the weather report to confirm. But a narcissist can’t do that when they’re put in a difficult situation!
Think The Motive
Does the narcissist have a reason to lie? Does it benefit them in some way?
If there’s a benefit to what they’re saying, they may be lying. But obviously, this isn’t conclusive evidence; they may be telling you a truth that could benefit them.
Listen To Your Intuition
Our intuition is incredibly powerful at detecting when we’re uncomfortable. But most people ignore it, often to their own detriment.
If what they’re saying doesn’t make you feel anything, consider why. Although our intuition isn’t infallible, it’s always worth listening to. Think carefully about why what they said makes you feel uncomfortable.
If you’re unsure, be patient. Sometimes answers come to us from our subconscious when we least expect them. You might even be relaxing in the shower. Eureka moment!
Conclusion
There’s no sure way to know when a narcissist is lying. But these tips can help you get a clear picture. Use your intuition, check it with logic, and a combination of these tips.
It’s not always worth confronting a narcissist about a lie, especially if you don’t have conclusive evidence. They’ll likely deny it outright. Then they’ll have the nerve to accuse you of bullying them.
The real advantage is that you know. This way, you can spot the manipulation they’re planning, or the lies they want you to believe. This reduces your chances of being taken advantage of. And who knows, maybe one day you’ll be able to turn things around and take advantage of them!
