Narcissists often react negatively when a loved one falls ill, as it disrupts their sense of importance and control, especially if they are focused on their own needs and desires.

Illness is viewed as an inconvenience requiring attention and care, challenging the narcissist’s self-centered outlook. Additionally, the ill person may be viewed as “needy” or a burden, fueling their disdain for basic human needs and feelings.

Many report strange behaviors from narcissists when they are ill. These behaviors typically include the narcissist not believing them, trying to convince them they’re not ill, or even punishing them.

So why do narcissists hate it when you’re sick? In this article, I’ll discuss several reasons why narcissists don’t like it when you’re sick, and why they behave so strangely…

It’s Not That They Care About You!

Let’s get this straight first. Narcissists don’t hate it when you’re sick because they care about you. It has nothing to do with the illness! But people are often misled by this belief.

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Sometimes narcissists’ strange behaviors are interpreted as “excessive attention,” because they’re too worried about losing you. But that’s not true.

If you don’t understand narcissism, it’s easy to assume this. Because we naturally believe that people think the same way we do. We would never abandon our partners in their time of need. So we assume they wouldn’t either. This leaves them with the option of taking your illness seriously.

The truth is, your illness has shaken their lives. But not in the way many people think. This is what’s really happening…

You Are Unavailable For Them

The number one reason narcissists fake illness is because you’re unavailable to them. Narcissists view their loved ones as disposable items, like a toaster or a kettle.

When you’re sick, you can’t give them what they want. You can’t give them the attention you normally do. You can’t help them with the things you normally help them with. And that makes them angry.

Just as you might be upset if your toaster stops working, you don’t feel sorry for it. You’re upset because there’s no toast! Similarly, a narcissist is upset about your poor service.

To counter this, a narcissist may deny your illness. This is because they’re used to distorting reality to suit their desires. So, they hope your illness will go away if they bury their head in the sand. They may even tell you you’re not sick, in a desperate attempt to hide the illness.

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This is confusing to their partners, especially if they have a medical diagnosis. Why don’t they believe their illness?

The truth is, they don’t want to believe you. Because your illness is annoying. They don’t deny their illness because they care about you, but because of their loss.

You Might Need Their Help

To make matters worse, when you’re sick, you may want to help narcissists. They can’t. That’s not the nature of their relationships. You do things for them—not the other way around.

So, they may avoid you. Not only do they not want to help, but they also don’t want you to experience it. Because you might get used to it and ask for more in the future.

So they might pretend to be needed at work to get out of your way. Or they might have another “emergency” that needs attention. I’ve even heard of them taking short vacations while their partner is sick!

Stealing_Narcissists’_Attention

Some narcissists hate that you’re sick because you steal their attention. They always need everything to be about them.

When you’re sick, all eyes are on you because you’re the one in need. Caring people are drawn to help you. But narcissists are jealous of this attention.

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To cope with this, some narcissists fake illness when their partner is sick. This is to even things out. In fact, they may exaggerate, claiming that their “illness” is worse than yours.

This solves many of their “problems.” They can now demand equal attention. You can’t demand anything from them because, they claim, they’re just as sick as you.

Narcissists Assume You’re Faking (As They Do)

Many narcissists fake illness, especially covert narcissists. It’s a cunning way to get people to do what they’re told, without seeming bossy or demanding.

When you’re sick, a narcissist may think you’re up to them. It’s natural to assume that people think the same way we do.

So, they may respond to your illness with hostility. The narcissist is angry that you’re trying to manipulate and exploit them, just as they do.

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This hostility obviously confuses their partners. What normal person would treat their sick partner so harshly? Why are they angry? What’s going on? Welcome to the world of narcissism!

Concluding Thoughts

Narcissists’ hostile behavior toward their sick partners is a source of confusion and distress, prompting their partners to search for answers. The most logical answer is that the narcissist is overly concerned. This causes them to react in a strange way. When you think from the perspective of a normal person, what else could it be?

When you understand narcissism, it makes sense that they view you as “good and flawed.” Their strange behavior reflects their frustration that things aren’t going as usual.

A narcissist’s abusive behavior demonstrates their inability to care and their lack of respect for your needs. This demonstrates the one-sided nature of narcissistic relationships.

Unfortunately, narcissists care about no one but themselves. That’s why they turn their backs on you in your time of need. If they can’t help you when you’re sick, when can they?