As you probably know, narcissists wear masks. They reveal their narcissistic side to some people more than others, depending on their desires and the type of relationship.
Romantic partners typically experience the lion’s share of their narcissism, while their friends experience it less.
This makes it possible to have narcissistic friends without them knowing, especially if you’re not close to them.
Typically, the closer you are to narcissists, the more they reveal their narcissism. This is because it’s harder to pretend to be someone else when you’re around them so much. Additionally, they believe the more attached you are to them, the more you see them. Therefore, they believe they can relax and express some of their narcissism without you running after them.
It’s helpful to identify narcissistic friends; it gives you options once you know what you’re dealing with. You can choose to distance yourself from them, making them less likely to exhibit narcissistic behavior. Or you can avoid them altogether.
Related : When Narcissists Are NOT Narcissistic
Here are the signs to look out for if you suspect your friend is a narcissist…
They Only Do What They Want
I’ve had many narcissistic friends over the years. The most common trait I’ve noticed is that they only do what they want to do. They try to control everything you do together.
When you suggest something to them, they usually say no. But they expect you to make it easy for them to do whatever they want to do, even if it’s clearly not something you’re interested in. And if they miraculously agree to one of your suggestions, they usually change something about it to regain control.
Narcissists often enlist their friends to accompany them to places they want to go. They don’t like doing things alone. But they don’t return the favor, and they do what their friends want.
After a while, you get used to this dynamic. You stop suggesting things because you know they won’t accept it. This is how the friendship becomes one-sided. They reach out to you when they need someone to go with them somewhere. But when you want to go somewhere, you go alone.
They Expect You To Go To Their Home
Narcissistic friends usually expect you to go to their homes. But they’re reluctant to visit you. (Unless they don’t have a home that accepts guests.)
Narcissists lack empathy. So they don’t consider your perspective, only their own. This leads them to believe that visiting them is easier. And it is… for them! They don’t think about sharing this fairly. And visiting you every now and then.
Related : How Narcissists Make It Seem Like You Are The Problem
Narcissists also like to be in control. So they prefer you to enter their realm. That’s when they feel more in control.
They Complain About Their Partner All The Time
Narcissists don’t have true loyalty. That’s why they feel comfortable complaining about their partner.
Yes, we all complain about our partners from time to time. But narcissists take it to a whole new level, especially if the relationship is long-term. You might wonder why they’d stay with their partner if they’re as bad as they say.
You may notice that things don’t match their complaints. For example, they may talk about their partner in the most derogatory ways. Then, a few days later, they say they’re getting married.
This is because narcissists lack consistency in everything. They see people as “perfectly good” or “perfectly bad,” depending on whether they’ve done something they like or not. Therefore, a narcissist’s partner may be the love of their life one moment and their mortal enemy the next.
Narcissists often complain about their partners to save face. By constantly complaining, they prove they’re better than their partner. This way, no one can judge them based on their choices. Remember, narcissists suffer from delusions of grandeur. In their minds, no one truly deserves them.
Their_Life_Is_Full_of_Conflict
Another sign that a friend is a narcissist is if their life is full of conflict. They constantly argue with friends, family, coworkers, etc.
Narcissists never take the blame for disagreements. Rather, they paint a picture of the entire world against them, and they’re the poor victim. But unless they’re unlucky in life, this is unlikely to be true.
Related : How Narcissists Punish You
Another clue is that they spend time with the same people they constantly fight with, rather than distancing themselves from each other, giving the impression that this is the nature of their relationships.
You Find It Difficult To Reject Them
Although narcissists may be nice, you find it harder to reject them than others. There are two reasons for this…
Narcissists hate the word “no.” They expect you to do what they ask. But even if they hide this attitude, you feel it. Your intuition tells you that they’re silently seething when you say “no.” So you feel uncomfortable rejecting them in the future.
Furthermore, most narcissists intentionally make it difficult to say “no.” They don’t ask in a condescending way, or add caveats, like “You don’t have to, but would you like to…”? They usually say, “Let’s go to that restaurant tomorrow. I’ll pick you up at 7.”
Narcissists don’t care what you want to do, whether you’re busy, tired, or anything else you may have. They expect you to get it done and to accompany them, whenever and wherever you want.
A good friend, with a healthy level of empathy, doesn’t want their friend to do something they’re uncomfortable with. So they make sure you agree wholeheartedly. And they certainly don’t pressure you to agree.
Disappear Then Reappear
Narcissistic friends often disappear for weeks, even months, and then suddenly reappear. They expect to see you every day.
Narcissists exploit people rather than build genuine relationships with them. If they’re getting attention elsewhere, they quickly forget about you. They may even disappear for a while.
But when that attention dries up, they return. They expect you to drop everything and be available again. It’s as if your life is on pause, waiting for them to need you.
They Only Contact You When They Want Something
This can be difficult to detect. Narcissists need attention most of the time. They often contact their friends pretending to spend time with them, when in reality, they just need someone to care for them.
Related ; Why Narcissists Disturb Your Sleep
They may never check on you or call you on your birthday because they’re useless. But then, when they’re bored, they suddenly miss their friend.
Some narcissists use their friends as ATMs, expecting them to lend them money or provide them with other services, such as rides or even help with chores. They hope to engage you so much that you feel responsible for them.
They_Feel_They_Aren’t_Listening_To_You
Narcissists are better talkers than listeners. You may feel like they aren’t always listening.
They may stare into the distance when you speak and give generic answers that don’t confirm they heard you. If they’re apathetic, they may completely ignore you when you speak.
Narcissists believe they’re superior, and that what they say is vitally important to everyone, while what you say is trivial.
So, conversations with narcissists often involve them talking and you listening. The topic is almost always about them or something they care about.
Conclusion
Narcissists don’t want mutually beneficial relationships. They want people to take advantage of them and give them attention. They often have different friends to meet different needs.
They may have a friend they drink with, a friend who lends them money, a friend who gives them valuable advice, etc.
Related : How Narcissists Neglect You
Narcissists sometimes try to force their friends to do what they want. If they don’t have a friend to drink with, they may force someone else to fill that role.
Friendships are supposed to be reciprocal, not for someone to exploit the other person’s resources without offering anything in return. So, if you’re in such a friendship, you need to consider what you’re getting out of it and whether it’s worth continuing.
If you’d like to learn more about signs that someone is a narcissist, please see the following article…
