Narcissists are adept at hiding in plain sight. The main reason is that they don’t act narcissist all the time, especially covert narcissists.

Oddly enough, narcissists are most dangerous when they are selective in their narcissism. Because people don’t know what they’re dealing with, they can be deceived and lose their guard.

It’s common for a narcissist to sneak into someone’s life before revealing their narcissism, making them difficult to get rid of.

Another danger is that narcissists may act narcissistic ally toward some people while treating others well. This can lead those who have been treated well to disbelieve their victims and even acknowledge their “good character.”

Knowing when narcissists aren’t narcissistic helps you maintain your guard up when dealing with new people. This can help you recognize when narcissists are typically benevolent. It can also help you understand victims of narcissistic abuse. Because you know that some people can be nice to you, while treating others badly.

Here are the situations when narcissists are usually not narcissists…

At_the_Start_of_Relationships

At the beginning of relationships, narcissists act cruel. They act kindly. They show a level of kindness you’ve never experienced before.

Related : How Narcissists Make It Seem Like You Are The Problem

But this isn’t real. It’s just an act designed to attract you.

Narcissists know that if they were narcissistic from the start, you’d have run a long way. So they pretend to be nice for a while, until they attract you. Then they gradually begin to display their narcissistic behaviors.

One sign of narcissism is when someone acts incredibly nice. As if they’re too good to be true. You know the saying that goes with this. While we all want to make a good impression at the beginning of a relationship, narcissists take it too far.

Narcissists also make a point of showing their kindness. They might say things like, “I’m the type of person who… (insert virtue here).” But if they were truly nice, this would be natural and spontaneous and wouldn’t raise any suspicion. So, they wouldn’t feel the need to keep bringing it up.

Narcissists make mistakes from time to time. You may notice signs of their narcissism in the way they treat others, especially those they consider “lesser than themselves.” For example, they might treat waitstaff rudely, or their ex-partner. This suggests they aren’t empathetic.

At the Beginning of Friendships

Narcissists often pretend to be kind at the beginning of their platonic relationships, pretending to be kind, considerate friends. But over time, they become more selfish and less giving.

However, narcissists don’t typically treat their friends as badly as they treat their romantic partners, because they spend less time with them. A friend is more likely to break up with them if they are mistreated. Therefore, narcissists typically control their behavior with friends more than with lovers.

However, narcissists treat some friends better than others, because they experience what each friend might endure. Therefore, stronger friends may experience a kinder image than friends with weaker boundaries.

At Work

Some narcissists value their careers highly because they love the acclaim they bring. They may therefore act like angels at work, making their colleagues believe they are some of the nicest people they could ever hope to meet.

Other narcissists play the percentage game, treating everyone above them nicely while treating those below them with contempt.

This often allows them to get away with workplace bullying, as their bosses can’t believe that such a nice person would attack others. Therefore, they dismiss their complaints, attributing them to malice. Narcissists often encourage this perception.

Related : How Narcissists Punish You

So, if you’re a manager, remember that you don’t always see the same picture as everyone else. So, if you receive complaints about someone, take them seriously, even if they’ve been great to you.

On Social Media

It’s easy to feign kindness and empathy on social media. Many narcissists exploit this to gain attention and praise.

Narcissists often flaunt their virtues through posts about charity, helping those in need, and other “compassionate” things.

Most people fall for narcissists’ altruistic posts, assuming they must be compassionate and empathetic. But think of it this way: if someone truly cared about others, they wouldn’t pretend to lie and be hypocritical; it would be normal, natural, and wouldn’t cause a stir.

In Religious Institutions

Some narcissists use religion as a cover and become prominent members of local religious institutions.

This is where narcissists flaunt their virtues and display impeccable character, helping them become pillars in their local community. This is their goal.

When people are respected, they lower their guard and assume they are trustworthy simply because they are religious. This allows narcissists to reach people who wouldn’t normally give them time.

Always remember that being religious, helping charities, serving in the police, and so on, doesn’t necessarily make someone good. Some use these things to cover up their abusive behavior. So, you have to be sensitive to religious and good people, just as you would be to anyone else.

In_Dangerous_Situations

If a narcissist is in a dangerous situation, their narcissism may quickly fade. For example, if a narcissist is in prison with dangerous criminals, they are smart enough to know not to treat these people badly, as they are likely to face severe consequences.

Likewise, if someone is much stronger mentally or physically, the narcissist may treat them well, knowing when they will find their partner.

When_They_Want_You_Back

Narcissists hate being single. So, after years of being in a relationship, they may suddenly rebuke you if their current relationship goes south.

A narcissist knows they must treat you well to have any chance of winning you back, especially if they treated you badly the previous time. So they go all out, treat you like royalty, and constantly tell you they’ve changed.

Related : Why Narcissists Disturb Your Sleep

Unfortunately, this is often a deception, as narcissists rarely change permanently. While they may temporarily change when they want something, these changes rarely last.

When They Want Something

Narcissists typically treat those who have something well. Their desires vary from person to person.

Some narcissists value money, so they treat wealthy people well, hoping to be part of the process.

If a narcissist values ​​status, they may treat those with high status well, allowing them to socialize with them and be perceived as high status by association.

Narcissists may treat someone at work well if they secretly admire them or if they can influence their promotion.

However, narcissists don’t care about these people, only what they offer. So, if they ever lose what the narcissist wants, they too may feel the full force of their narcissism, just like everyone else.

Final_Thoughts

Narcissists change their narcissism from time to time, depending on what suits them. Therefore, people’s opinions of narcissists vary depending on the person’s strength, the type of relationship, and whether they have what they desire.

Remember, just because you treat someone well doesn’t mean they’re not a narcissist. Also, if they treat you well, they’re likely to mistreat others.

So, be careful not to let narcissistic abuse show. Take it seriously if someone complains about someone else’s behavior; they may be sincere, even if they seem angelic to you. So, please, be open-minded.