Legally speaking, most narcissists aren’t neglectful. They may contribute shelter and food on the table. But that’s about it.

There are many small things we do in loving relationships that show we care. While no one is perfect, most of us provide most of these things, most of the time.

Narcissists, on the other hand, rarely do any of these small things. And the many things they don’t do make us feel neglected.

I remember one time when my ex-husband’s daughter’s friend visited our house, and we were all eating popsicles. As I finished the popsicle, her friend reached out to throw it to me, and I was amazed.

I realized that no one ever does anything like that for me. Ever. I know it’s a small thing, but I was so starved for attention that I still remember it more than ten years later!

It can be difficult to pinpoint why you feel neglected when you’re in a narcissistic relationship. Because “on paper,” you aren’t. Narcissists are adept at lowering your expectations.

Sadly, this leads many to believe they’re expecting too much. As a result, they accept a neglectful relationship. Of course, narcissists encourage this perception.

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To help you recognize if you’re being neglected, here are some common ways narcissists ignore the people in their lives…

Narcissists Don’t Listen

Narcissists prefer talking to listening. Talking is more powerful. They truly believe the world is eagerly awaiting their gems of wisdom.

Some narcissists pretend to listen by giving general nods and the occasional “umm.” But don’t respond directly to what you say. Other narcissists are more apathetic and outright ignore you.

Not listening to “loved ones” isn’t good for your mental health. You may feel lonely, unheard, and isolated, even in their company.

Loved ones are supposed to provide you with the ultimate in comfort and connection. So their constant neglect is neglect, especially if you spend a lot of time with them. Because if you don’t connect with them, who will?

Refuse To Listen To Your Problems

Narcissists happily bark about their problems for hours on end. But the moment you bring up yours, you shut yourself down.

They may offer flimsy “solutions,” when all you want is a listening ear. They may minimize your problems, comparing them to their own—which are always worse. Or they may ridicule you, embarrassing you from discussing them. Knowing that a loved one sees your problems as a nuisance isn’t good for the soul. So most people learn to avoid discussing them, because it only makes them feel worse when they’re rejected.

This forces you to stop discussing your problems, and you’re emotionally neglected without the narcissist doing anything. Because they’ve laid the foundation for them with their past behavior. This puts you in a bind.

If you bring up your problems, they’ll find ways to silence you, which is unpleasant. If you keep your problems to yourself, you’re essentially neglecting yourself. The narcissist may throw up their hands, declaring they can’t help you unless you tell them. So you can’t really win!

With hold Affection

Unfortunately, love is conditional for narcissists. If you don’t do what they want, they may withhold affection to punish you.

Narcissists are extremely sensitive. Anything can trigger them to withhold affection, and you may not even know why.

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Withholding affection is emotional neglect. Confusingly, narcissists often fluctuate between enthusiasm and coldness, for no apparent reason. They simply seek tactical advantage, depending on what’s happening at the time.

Narcissists also tend to compromise, occasionally offering some love and care, between long periods of neglect and sometimes abuse. This makes those rare moments of nurturing feel like euphoria. People may be tricked into thinking they aren’t being neglected because the level of neglect is so low.

Ignoring

Ignoring is another way narcissists ignore people. This can be a cruel and confusing form of punishment.

Narcissists often ignore people to punish them. This is because they don’t have to discuss why they’re upset with them. Therefore, their unrealistic demands are never exposed.

Ignoring is a cruel form of neglect. The victim usually doesn’t know what the problem is, how it can be resolved, or when the ignoring will end. Therefore, they are left in a state of uncertainty, with no clear resolution.

Disappearing

Some narcissists ignore their partners by disappearing for hours, even days, causing anxiety and stress.

This disappearance may be another form of punishment, or a result of their selfishness.

Narcissists’ lack of empathy means they don’t consider their partners’ feelings. Therefore, they may not think to tell them where to turn.

Other narcissists deliberately disappear to hurt their partners because they know their imaginations are running rampant, wondering where they are.

Hiding your whereabouts is another form of neglect if you’re in a romantic relationship. You’re supposed to be there for each other, and you’re supposed to have a special bond. Unfortunately, narcissists rarely keep their promises.

Financial Neglect

Narcissists often neglect their loved ones financially. They, like everyone else, are selfish about their money, especially with those closest to them.

Narcissists often convince their partners to give up jobs because it gives them more control over them. But at the same time, they don’t want to bear the cost of everything. So, as usual, they seek the best of both worlds.

This usually means their partners get the crumbs, and what they do get comes with strings attached. But if they try to look for work, the narcissist may block them. Because they want them safely ensconced in their homes, to themselves.

Related : The Angry Stage Of Healing From A Narcissist Relationship

Narcissists don’t care about their partners’ finances, as long as they’re getting what they want from the relationship. Unfortunately, narcissists only focus on what they want.

Neglecting Your Health

Narcissists expect their partners to take care of them, not the other way around. So when you get sick, the narcissist may disappear.

They may decide they need to travel for an “important” reason. They may downplay your illness, acting as if everything is fine. Or they may invent their own illness—one that’s worse than yours.

Sadly, narcissists don’t care about abandoning their loved ones in their time of need. Their lack of empathy prevents them from feeling guilty about it. I’ve even heard stories of narcissists expecting their partners to do the housework, even though they themselves have life-threatening illnesses.

Lack Of Empathy

A lack of empathy in narcissists means they don’t connect emotionally. So, they don’t share your pain or joy. While some are good at feigning empathy, it’s really just a facade.

Narcissists don’t feel pain when you’re hurt. So, they don’t feel a desire to comfort you. They don’t share your joy when things are going well. So, they don’t rejoice in your success. In fact, they’re more prone to jealousy.

Intuitively, you probably know how insensitive narcissists are, how unsupportive they are, and how emotionally detached they are.

Years of this can leave you feeling lonely and neglected. Unfortunately, you may not be able to pinpoint the cause.

Conclusion

Narcissists don’t connect emotionally. And they have no intention of doing so. This leaves their partners feeling neglected and alone.

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Narcissists seek complete control over their relationships. So, they aim to keep you emotionally attached to them, while they themselves are indifferent. Then they have the power to threaten to end the relationship if you behave inappropriately.

Narcissists want someone to take advantage of them. It’s not a mutually beneficial relationship. They work tirelessly to create this dynamic. That’s why they’re so neglectful. Narcissists don’t intend to give you more than the bare minimum, just to keep you close.

Add to that their lack of empathy, and it’s no wonder many partners of narcissists feel neglected and forgotten. Because, frankly, they are.