After a narcissistic relationship, many people go through the “anger phase” of recovery. They’re angry at the narcissist for wasting their time. They’re angry at those who enabled them. And perhaps most importantly, they’re angry at themselves.
It’s natural to be angry because the narcissist held you back for so long and made your life hell. But you have to be kind to yourself.
Yes, you were deceived. But who would have imagined that someone could be living a complete lie? Someone so lacking in empathy that they never cared about you, despite spending years with you? I certainly didn’t!
We’re taught that there’s good in everyone. That we have to be tolerant and make relationships work. And if we’re in a fight, it takes two to dance. Which means you’ve definitely contributed to the problems.
But these rules don’t apply to narcissists. They lack empathy. They feel entitled to take from others. A good, healthy relationship is almost impossible with them.
Related : Why It Seems Like Narcissists Are Everywhere
It doesn’t always take two to dance. Not so with narcissists. They move from relationship to relationship, taking what they can. They exploit as much as they can. It has nothing to do with their partners’ actions.
You’re very likely not the first, and you won’t be the last. This shows that they’re at fault, not you.
Narcissists often use our anger against us. They use “reactive abuse,” where they provoke you to anger. Then, when you finally break down, they play the victim, making it seem like you’re the abuser. This (among other things) trains us to bottle up our anger. Years of this anger build up inside us.
So, release your anger in healthy ways. Be assertive, rather than angry. Journal your thoughts. Talk to a trusted friend. Do some intense exercise. It soon fades.
Think of your behavior in terms of passive, aggressive, and assertive. Narcissists tempt us to give in, so we bottle ourselves up to please them, until our anger finally explodes. Aim to be assertive and honest about your feelings in a calm and rational way. Say what you need to say, but don’t explode with anger.
When you need to calm down, take ten slow, deep breaths in through your nose and out slowly through your mouth. This is very effective for instant calming. Try it now!
Meditation is also great for restoring calm. Please check out this simple guided meditation if you want a good start…
Remember, be kind to yourself. You were looking for love, which is what most of us are. Someone deliberately exploited this innate desire for their own selfish purposes. It’s their fault, not yours.
Many people get angry about the time lost and grieve that they can’t get it back. But this is how I see it…
It’s true, in one sense, you can’t get that time back. But obsessing over it won’t help. It only makes things worse, because the narcissist is causing you suffering from a distance. So let it go. Don’t let it defeat you.
On the other hand, you can get that time back. Imagine it this way… If you spend years wearing steel-toed shoes, you’ll feel more tired. But you’ll also get stronger. And when you finally take them off, your legs will feel lighter and more flexible than ever. So you’ll feel the benefits once you’re free.
Related ;: Why Narcissists Hate Their Partners
Now you’re free, take the shoes off. Life is easier and more enjoyable. Because you’ve gotten used to a worse situation. So you can be happier with the simple things in life than you were before.
Without the burden you’re used to, you can accomplish more in your life. Think of it this way… If you could accomplish anything with a narcissist, imagine what you could accomplish without them!
Be as positive as you can. It’s true that you’ll have tough days. But now you’re free, and you have the opportunity to do things you couldn’t do before. Plus, you won’t get bored of catering to their needs all the time.
Live your best life, go out and do what you want. Start small if necessary. Then go from there.
The best revenge is to thrive as much as possible without them. Narcissists hate this because it shows they’re not as great as they think they are.
Narcissists want to see you broken and miserable without them. They want you to yearn for their return because it validates their supposed “greatness.” And that’s all that matters to them.
So be happy. Live your life to the fullest. Be fit, active, and energetic. Because this isn’t just what’s best for you, it’s the biggest slap in the face you can deliver!
