People who haven’t experienced a narcissistic relationship often ask why you won’t leave them. While this is annoying, it’s understandable.

It’s difficult to explain the nature of narcissistic relationships to someone who hasn’t experienced them before. Due to their lack of experience, they naturally think of dealing with normal people. But narcissists are far from that.

Narcissists deliberately make it difficult to leave. Once you become attached to them, they can get away with treating you worse. The more attached you are to them, the worse they will treat you, even as you remain with them and serve them.

If someone asks why you won’t leave a narcissist, send them here! In this article, I’ll explain the main reasons why people stay with narcissists…

They Make You Financially Depending

Narcissists find ways to make their partners financially dependent on them, just to make it as difficult as possible for you to leave.

Related : Why Narcissists Hate Their Partners

They may convince you to leave your job, presenting it as a desire to provide for you. Spend your savings or investments. They may even donate or sell your possessions.

Once you have money, it’s hard to leave them. Because the reality of today’s world requires money to survive. This difficulty is exacerbated if you’re isolated, with little support…

Isolate You

Narcissists often isolate their partners because an isolated person is more dependent on them. A dependent person is less likely to leave.

A narcissist may cause conflict with your family and friends, or with you, when you plan to see them. The narcissist may move to a place where you don’t know anyone.

Once you feel isolated, leaving becomes even harder. You have no one to confide in, no one to discuss whether leaving is the right decision. On top of that, you feel lonely with a narcissist because they are so self-absorbed. Imagine how you would feel without them?

They Hurt Your SelfEsteem

Narcissists find ways to undermine their partners’ self-esteem. They may make disparaging remarks that they claim are just jokes, or treat you in a way that shows how little they appreciate you.

Years of this take their toll. After a while, you may think no one will ever find you attractive, or that you can even live without them.

Related : Why Narcissists Criticism So Much

After losing their self-esteem, many accept their fate. They stay with the narcissist, even if they don’t want to, and could actually be doing much better.

Trauma Bond

Narcissists often maintain their partners by bonding them through trauma. That’s how it goes…

During a narcissistic relationship, narcissists seek to treat you as badly as possible, without you leaving. Therefore, they often alternate between ups and downs to achieve this.

Narcissists treat you progressively worse, to see where you’ve reached your breaking point. Then, when they feel they’ve overdone it, they retreat into “nice mode” for a while. To keep you from leaving.

These “nice” times may seem like paradise. Even if they treat you like a normal person, because you’ve experienced their cold and cruel ways, even mediocre treatment feels satisfying.

Unfortunately, this “nice” treatment is merely a means to an end. Once narcissists sense that you’ve returned to them, they gradually deploy their narcissistic behaviors. And the cycle continues.

After a while, some people become addicted to these ups and downs because they release stress hormones. They crave those fleeting moments of kindness, which some mistake for deep love.

Blame Shifting

Narcissists are adept at making their mistakes seem like yours. They twist words and past events to portray themselves as the poor victim, and you as the perpetrator.

Conscientious people accept this blame-shifting because they don’t want to hurt others and are always striving to improve themselves.

Related : How “Toxic Empathy” Plays Into Narcissists Hands

Many people are left believing they are at least partially responsible for their relationship problems. So they do their best, trying to fix things, even though the narcissist is the cause of all the problems. There’s no real hope for a healthy relationship.

Children

Narcissists often take the initiative to have children. Unfortunately, it’s not because they want to hear the footsteps of toddlers. It’s because they want to lock you up.

Narcissists know you’re less likely to leave if you share their children with them. They know you’re empathetic, and they’ll think of their children before you think of yourself. So you might as well stay for them, regardless of how they treat you.

But even if you leave, it’s not over. Narcissists know they have a legal right to see their children. So they can reach you, demanding to see them. And sadly, they have that right for many years to come.

Knowing this, and the uproar the narcissist will inevitably make, many decide to stay. They believe they’re damned if they do, and damned if they don’t.

Final_Thoughts

Don’t be harsh on those who stay with a narcissist. The narcissist is likely using multiple tactics to make it difficult to leave. Remember, no one knows what’s going on behind the scenes.

Related : How Narcissists Avoid Accountability

Narcissists often appear kind, compassionate, and generous to others. But at home, they’re mean, cold, and uncaring.

Many find it hard to believe the truth about a narcissist. So, they assume their complaints are normal relationship problems. But with narcissists, things are far from normal.

It’s easy to say, “Leave them.” But when you’re in the thick of it, it’s not always that simple. Especially if things are difficult, both physically and emotionally.