Let’s be honest, narcissists are takers by nature. They approach relationships with one main goal: to take as much as possible.
Narcissists aren’t interested in equal relationships; they want to dominate.
This means that with a narcissist in your life, you’re doomed to lose. Because their gain is your loss.
While some of these losses are obvious, others are more subtle. Without appreciating the hidden costs of narcissism, you’re likely to accept them, even though it’s in your best interest not to.
Here’s a summary of some of the hidden costs of having a narcissist in your life…
Emotional Drain
Narcissists are emotionally draining. They attract drama like moths to a flame, and then drag you into it.
Narcissists are energized by drama, while it drains you. So they’re happy to live a life filled with chaos. They actively seek out new drama after the old one has died down.
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While this energizes narcissists, it also drains them emotionally. Because people with normal personalities seek peace and harmony, they need this to recharge their batteries.
Wasted Time
Narcissists are demanding of time and energy. They always seem to need something.
There may be another “crisis” in which they need help. Or they need services for things they can do themselves.
It wouldn’t be so bad if they didn’t disappear in your time of need. So you constantly invest your time with them, with little return.
Most people don’t think about the time narcissists cost them. Because time is “free.” But it isn’t.
Time is your most valuable asset. That’s why we get paid for our time.
We have limited time on Earth. Why constantly give it away to others? Especially when it doesn’t give you anything back.
Impact On Self-Esteem
Narcissists are forced to struggle for prestige in relationships. This often involves putting others down in order to raise their own status.
Years of being humiliated by a “loved one” erode your self-esteem. These repeated insults are ingrained in your subconscious, affecting your mood and automatic behaviors.
As your self-esteem declines, you become more controlled by narcissists. But this comes at the expense of your health, happiness, and ability to succeed.
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Unfortunately, narcissists don’t care what this costs you; they only care about what they gain.
Social Isolation
Having narcissists in your life can lead to social isolation for several reasons…
Narcissists may isolate you from support networks to give them greater control over you. They may physically distance you from friends and family. They may cause conflict between you and your loved ones. They may convince you that spending time with them is better. Narcissists demand so much time and energy that you don’t have much time for others. So you find yourself spending most of your time with the narcissist, while distancing yourself from more valuable relationships.
Narcissists may infiltrate your family or group of friends, skillfully sowing discord between people, which can tear apart your support networks.
Some people are wary of narcissists or upset by their selfishness. They may therefore avoid you to distance themselves from the narcissist you’re with.
Some narcissists discredit the people they spend time with, trying to discredit them. This is to prevent the relationship from collapsing. If they can portray you as unstable, no one will believe you if you reveal their secrets in the future.
The_Price_of_Mental_Health
Narcissists love to make those around them anxious. It makes them feel powerful. Furthermore, anxious people are easier to control. Therefore, they find things that trigger you, then bring them up again and again. If you’re worried about money, they may keep talking about money matters. If you’re worried about the threat of war, they may keep bringing up news of global tension.
Studies show that narcissists are anxiety-inducing. In one study, about 80% of people close to narcissists suffer from mood and anxiety disorders.
Narcissists often upset people when they’re relaxed, to put them back into a state of anxiety. So they might start an argument or do something that upsets them, just to break their calm.
Years of this puts you in a near-constant state of flight or fight. You learn to expect a trigger at any moment, even when you’re calm with people you’re supposed to trust.
Financial_Losses
Most narcissists are bad with money. So, to compensate, they drain the resources of those around them.
Narcissists may create a financial relationship with someone. They use them to compensate for their deficit. Even after a while, they feel responsible for the narcissist’s money, which drains their finances.
If you’re in a romantic relationship, the situation can be even worse. You may find yourself drowning in debt, and you’re the only one who seems interested.
Missed Opportunities
It’s impossible to quantify the lost opportunities narcissists cost. But I bet it’s a lot.
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Depletion means ignoring hobbies and interests. You may not apply for your dream job because of low self-esteem. Or you may not pursue your goals because you don’t feel capable of achieving them.
Missed opportunities accumulate over time, as each opportunity often leads to others.
When you consider that narcissists’ goal is to grab as much as possible, it’s clear they’re holding you back. They cost you far more than they bring in. And the losses may be greater than you realize.
Final Thoughts
With this in mind, why do you keep narcissists in your life? Is it charitable work? Loneliness? Because you worry about what they think of you?
What about charitable work for yourself? Why don’t you care about your own opinion? Is it right to subject yourself to a narcissist, knowing the cost?
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Our primary responsibility is to ourselves. This is everyone’s responsibility. And narcissists certainly take that for granted. When we take care of our number one, we become better versions of ourselves. And this benefits everyone around us. Because we unleash our potential, we become more capable of caring for others.
So, narcissists not only steal from you, but they also steal from those who deserve your time and energy. This exacerbates the hidden costs of narcissism. So, you have to ask yourself: Is it worth it?
