Narcissists wish they could reach into your phone, pick it up, and know what’s going on in your world.
As for you, it’s probably the same thing, right?
Funny, innocent messages to friends.
Memes here and there.
Tedious emails you can’t delete fast enough.
Long files of meal plans.
What exactly do they want? And what’s the sneaky way they can get access to your phone?
Only One Sly Way?
If your phone isn’t easily accessible, then yes. It all boils down to one effective way…
…the innocent way.
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That’s right. Narcissists are rarely overt and abusive about wanting access to your phone, but that doesn’t mean they can’t forcefully demand it.
It does happen, but they probably want access to this information in an innocent way.
I want you to think about the narcissist in your life and how they get what they want.
Think about the people they know, and how good they aspire to appear.
With all this, is it any surprise that they don’t start waving and yelling at you, or at them?
Absolutely not.
So they try the next approach: pretending they don’t know what a poisoner or a stalker is.
Which only makes matters worse!
So let’s put ourselves in the narcissist’s shoes for a moment.
1 “I need your phone for something”
The most innocent of them all, right? They need your phone to make a call, or to play a game they know you’re using.
They may be looking up something, and fortunately, they don’t have enough information to do so.
Sounds normal, right? It would be if they didn’t have an ulterior, devious motive under the guise of abuse.
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They want information, and they want to use it against you. They hope to find out something interesting that you’re keeping from them.
They want to control you.
2 “Emergency!”
My phone battery is dead. Can I send a quick text or make a call?
It’s urgent.
I won’t be late.
I really need to send this, or do this.
And you, as a kind and forgiving person, will do it.
But here’s the problem—there’s no emergency. They don’t need anything but your phone in their hands.
3 “Do you mind if I surf the internet over your shoulder?”
You think you’re sitting down together to watch the latest episode of your favorite show, when you notice your narcissist hugging you.
Oh my god, this is a new feeling, you think. It’s nice to feel so close and warm.
Beep, beep! That’s my alarm.
They’re uncomfortable! They’ve simply noticed you’re using your phone, and they want to pretend to watch the show while they turn their gaze to your screen.
What are they trying to see? They want to know your passcode, or how to bypass its security.
If they can memorize your PIN, they’ll have that phone the next time you’re happy.
4 “A dose of guilt?”
Come on, don’t you trust me?
How long have you known me?
Just because I know your code doesn’t mean I’m curious.
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You don’t need to hear that guilt. They do, so you reluctantly hand it over to them and give them what they want.
You don’t want to be the bad guy, do you? All you want is a peaceful, people-pleasing life. If owning your symbol brings you that peace, then that’s good for you.
But it shouldn’t be. Especially when it involves making you feel guilty. There’s no place for that, in my opinion.
5 “If you can, so can I.”
For the narcissist, it goes both ways. They may be kind enough to lend you their phone when you need it, so don’t be surprised if they ask for the same privileges.
Mimicry can extend to this kind of manipulation, and it will if they allow you to take what’s yours and use it…
…for all the wrong reasons.
Mimicry is the narcissist’s way of pretending to be just like you, to ensure their intentions are pure and honest—just like you.
If they’re exposed as a carbon copy of you, whatever it is, they’ll lose the opportunity to gain your trust and access your information.
Doing The Impossible After Getting Access
I can’t miss this part.
At some point, if they put in enough effort and you allow them, the narcissist will gain access to your information.
I hate to say this, but this can lead to serious problems for you.
They may install spyware on your phone, change your settings to make it easier for them to access you in the future, or access your messages or most private information.
Related : 13 Reasons Why Confronting a Narcissist is a Waste of Time
I don’t want you to fall for their dark and devious tactics, but I do want you to understand the consequences of allowing them to violate your privacy.
Know Your Boundaries
This is the crux of the matter:
Boundaries.
Without them, a narcissist won’t just have access to your phone; they’ll have access to your entire life—everything you do, think, say, and feel.
It doesn’t stop with your phone; it often starts there. Giving up your privacy just to be spied on is giving them permission to control you in another way.
Ask yourself: Is this the life you want, or the life you truly hope for?
Victims always reject each other; they want to find someone who makes them feel happy, safe, and loved.
But that’s never a description of a narcissist, is it? The description of a narcissist is almost always the exact opposite, but because they’re so cunning, you won’t notice them trying to figure out how your phone works.
Passwords, passwords, codes, even facial recognition technology—nothing prevents them from crossing this line, and like any line, you should be able to see it.
Boundaries are boundaries. And as long as your boundaries are strong, you can push them away and keep your phone as sacred as ever.
