Narcissists don’t always feel attracted to people. If you have a certain personality, these toxic people may avoid you forever!
It’s well known that the less fortunate are simply magnets for narcissists, but there are reasons for this.
They don’t choose their victims randomly, but what makes them so attracted to you?
Well, if they told you, maybe you could change that so you wouldn’t attract them.
Let’s take a look—and good luck!
Attraction Happens Fast
Nothing is slow when it comes to narcissists. They have to act fast because they almost enjoy your speed so much that you can’t even remember your name.
Related : 7 Things Narcissists Hide From Everyone (Even Their Closest Friends)
It’s like a state of confusion mixed with the beautiful feeling of being wanted and loved.
And if you’re not careful, they’ll lure you in.
Knowing Who To Look For
It takes time to get to the point where you can identify narcissists, but I think the most important thing is to first take a look at yourself and how you attract these toxic people.
Check if you…
Responding To…
1 Attraction
Look at yourself: you admire a narcissist simply because they’re charming.
Do you believe the kindness they exude? What makes you trust so much someone you’ve only known for a few moments, days, or even weeks?
I know it’s wrong to doubt kindness, but attractiveness is different. It carries the weight of expectations for you to fall for. It’s not just kindness.
When you respond to their attractiveness, you’re telling them that you’re okay with them liking you for all the wrong reasons.
This is very attractive to the narcissist, because they know they can manipulate you.
2 Attention
Attention is a beautiful feeling. When you like someone, nothing beats the feeling of being heard and seen.
You like to know you’re appreciated, and I’m sure that’s true for all of us.
The attention a narcissist gives you can be a bit unsettling from the outside. They only give you that attention when you give them the same attention.
They say something they know will make you laugh, and you laugh. They tell you they’re feeling unwell, and you rush to take care of them.
Related : 16 Ways To Piss a Narcissist Off The Most and Ruin Them
They talk about their bad day and how they’re making it better, and you go to great lengths to do so.
It mostly seems normal, I think. If the people I care about needed me, I would be there for them.
This is often because their need is real, and when the tables turn, I know they’ll be there for me, too.
Narcissists respond to your attention with emptiness. They want it, they love it, they need it, and the only value they find in it is the good it brings them.
But I can’t say this enough:
Don’t be fooled into thinking your attention is just a temporary source of their attention.
If you deprive a narcissist of your attention, you’ll soon see a completely different side of them.
3 Compliments
You’re so awesome!
How do you do it?
You work so hard!
You always have the best ideas.
You’re so funny.
I love how inspiring you are!
Tell me more about yourself.
Oh, I totally agree.
You’re in control, so you decide what we do.
Let’s turn off this flowing tap of pretend nonsense, shall we?
But you know what happens when we do, right? Are you ready?
The narcissist will turn on you, abandon you, and likely start looking for a replacement as soon as they can.
The only effective attraction is when you follow them like a moth following a flame.
4 Being Listened To
Nobody understands me.
Well, what a tall order for you, a people-pleaser!
You want to understand the narcissist, and you want them to see that you’re making a real effort to be a part of their life.
So you listen closely, and you close your ears to everything that’s on your mind. And you listen.
The more you listen, the more you believe. The more you believe, the more you give. The more you give, the less you have for yourself.
Related : 8 Things Narcissists Do When They Can’t Win An Argument
If the narcissist is forcing you to listen to them, they have someone who will always offer support and loyalty.
You can make excuses for them, or feel a real connection (when in reality, there’s only attachment).
Cut them off if you want to stop attracting them.
5 Feeling Connected
This connection needs its own subtopic, as it’s a dangerous way for a narcissist to find you and trap you.
As humans, we all want to feel connected to people. Whether it’s for work, entertainment, or more intimate relationships, it’s nice to fit in and feel like there’s a network of relationships in our lives that enhances them.
Narcissists and their obsession with forming strong relationships with people begin when they see you meet all the other criteria.
You’ve given them all the attention they need to understand that you’re ready to stay with them, and that connecting with you will make them feel attractive.
Victims mistakenly believe this attraction is a good thing.
Oh my God, they take my breath away.
They understand me better than anyone else. It’s us against the world.
If you’re willing to give up on yourself to feel all of these things, you’re definitely what a narcissist is attracted to.
They need to see this self-giving within you to know that you will always put them first.
6 Seeing Your Potential
If a narcissist sees the potential in you, you’ll find it difficult to break up unless you know exactly what makes them flock to you like flies to honey.
Don’t give them a potential victim to exploit.
7 Revealing Your Past
Your past is, by right, sacred and personal to you.
You can share it or refrain from speaking until you get to know the person better, and I always recommend the latter.
When you reveal your past—especially the bad parts—too early, the narcissist will use it against you.
They’ll remember what triggers you, creating a world of doubt and fear.
You get to know them every day, and maybe more until you begin to heal.
8 Is Forgiving Easy? Great!
Never be too eager to forgive! If you are, you’ll let them get away with it everywhere…
…a narcissist’s dream!
Reject him, and reject the narcissist.
