Good people like you often fall for narcissists. Trust me, it’s no coincidence. Narcissists are charming, confident, and know exactly how to draw you in.
They make you feel special and irreplaceable. But dig deep, and you’ll find they’re difficult to manipulate.
So why do these kind and compassionate people fall into this toxic web?
There are deeper reasons why good people are drawn to narcissists, and here are the top 8 reasons.
drawing you to the person
I won’t blame you or make you feel guilty for falling in love with a narcissist.
Their ability to draw their victims puts even the strongest magnets to shame, so I understand that by the time you fall for them, a lot of damage has already been done.
Related : 9 Ways Narcissists Take Advantage Of You
hope facing reality
Everyone enters relationships full of hopes and dreams. There’s a desired outcome you wish to see, but with narcissists, it never comes to fruition.
Reality is much less appealing.
You want the best, you get the worst.
There’s nothing wrong with wishing for the best. I think it’s safe to say we all want a loving, healthy relationship.
Narcissists build that for us, painting a picture of what you and they could be like.
But they never tell you that picture is just an illusion. A fantasy designed to always be out of your reach.
8 Reasons Why Good People Fall for Narcissists…
So, let’s address why you, the good person, fall for narcissists, and why it’s not always your fault.
1 The Charmer!
Good people love to see the good in others. At first, a narcissist’s charm seems innocent enough.
A thoughtful gift, dozens of red roses, the open and willing ways they listen to your problems, while secretly jotting down all your weaknesses…
Good people would accept it that way if it seemed innocent.
It’s enough to make anyone fall for it, isn’t it?
God, they really know how to listen to me.
I feel like I can be myself with them.
They ask me about my past and want to make sure I’m happy.
I love it when they smile at me and make me feel special. I haven’t felt that way in a long time.
Healthy people want to listen to you, too. They want to bring you out and tell you that you’re special.
The difference is that this happens on a smaller scale, over a longer period of time, and is met with care and attention.
Only time will reveal the mistake of falling for someone charming.
2 Because You’re Too Patient
Accepting and justifying their behavior is common among victims of narcissistic abuse.
You see exactly what’s happening, then you ignore it. Not because you necessarily want to forget it, but…
…you don’t want the hassle of stirring things up. You know drama will ensue, with the narcissist accusing you of wanting to stir things up, or getting angry at you for even stirring things up.
Related : 7 Dark Desires Driving Narcissists
Over time, you learn to be silent to maintain peace.
This is a completely different kind of patience, and it can make you feel worse over time.
You’re a good person. You hate conflict.
3 Empathy Wins
Falling into the sad stories trap is a narcissist’s way of keeping you in check.
They know you’d drop everything to be there for them if they needed you. You listen to them when they’re feeling emotional because you feel, in some strange way, that you’re helping them—and that you’ll be thanked for it.
No one will ever thank you. Five minutes later, you can still somehow pull through their ordeal.
4 Successes…Failures
Delay that roller coaster ride to the amusement park, because it doesn’t exist in relationships.
Falling in love with someone doesn’t mean you never know what your day will be like based on their current psychological or emotional state. I mean it—and anyone who falls for a narcissist will quickly become accustomed to the ups and downs. Although those ups and downs are always followed by amazing ups, that’s what keeps the good people around. Once you fall in love with them, you’ll be surprised at what you’ve put up with, and you’ll justify them as “normal” for both of you.
There’s nothing normal about extremes.
You should desire and long for peace. I know how difficult it is to leave a toxic relationship, as many fall into the same trap over and over again.
Peace may be more powerful than the most intense fights, but it’s simply unfamiliar.
5 Good People Hate Conflict
I don’t know anyone who enjoys the back-and-forth in narcissistic relationships. If you were to ask everyone I know, they wouldn’t raise their hand when I asked, “Who likes having their boundaries violated?”
So how do good people get to the point where conflict becomes an everyday occurrence?
It’s because the narcissist distorts conflict.
I hate our arguments, you know that. But you make me so frustrated.
I don’t want to fight with you. That’s what happens.
I hate drama as much as you do. I just want to talk things through normally.
You believe them because you’re a good person, and you want to see the best in people.
Falling in love with a narcissist means falling in love with every sentence they say to you.
6 They Meet Your Emotional Needs
Okay, I know this is going to sound a bit extreme, but hear me out.
Related : 6 Ways How Narcissists Fool You
Narcissists meet these needs. They can be some of the best listeners at the time. They hang on to your every word and make sure you’re ready for success.
Then they throw it all in your face, but only after you’ve completely loved them.
You crave love and appreciation, and they’re more than happy to give you what you need—but only temporarily.
The good in you lets them in.
7 The Need to “Fix”
Good-hearted people often want to help or “fix” others. Narcissists exploit this by presenting themselves as victims of past relationships, hardships, or misunderstandings, making the empath feel responsible for their emotional recovery.
It’s not your job to fix anyone, but I know how exciting it is to try to be helpful.
The more you fix, the more the narcissist accepts you. And the more you accept, the more you fall.
It’s a pattern you must break.
8 You See the Best in Them
When you first meet someone new, you never see all of their bad sides.
Narcissists are some of the most devious people, and they will make sure you see the good they offer you…
…good that can never be sustained.
It’s a wonderful feeling to have someone polite and listen to your every word. Finally, you can be seen and appreciated. Your past may not be a benchmark, so you like to think you’re starting over with someone different.
Someone who appreciates you.
Only narcissists don’t appreciate you. They only appreciate what you offer them that benefits them.
When you realize you’re truly in love, and it’s too late to walk away.
