Narcissists love a hot or cold faucet. Turn on the faucet, put your hand under either, and it will either burn or numb.

That’s what they love. Either you get angry or you get scared. There’s no middle ground.

They hate anything in between.

So… if they hate it – why don’t we collectively ensure that we’re in the middle?

Indifference has its advantages, and I want to show you how you can achieve it.

AllTheseYearsOfTrying

I feel your frustration as I write, and I know you haven’t read this yet.

You’re going to yell at me, or at least think, “Alexander – come on! I try not to let them bother me. I try not to let them bother me. I try not to let their moods affect me. That’s just what happens.”

I’m not judging you for this at all. In fact, you’d be crazy if you never engaged emotionally with a narcissist.

The buttons they push and how they tear your soul apart just to be right or play their latest game is nothing short of hideous.

Related : 10 Twisted Ways Narcissists Show They Love You

You may have tried so hard to relax and let them go on with their lives without a care in the world, but where is the reward for them?

Where is the reward for you?

I know it may not seem rewarding, but victims often need narcissists in their lives. Those patches of time when the narcissist tells them how great they are or how much they love them—victims need to hear that.

They need to know that they are loved.

That’s the reward.

Without the devaluing and devaluing part of the cycle, there would be no cleanup.

So sitting around doing nothing will stop it.

You have to want to change—and it can’t be from the narcissist.

Pressure of Wanting to Change Someone

The reason you want the narcissist to change is because deep down you think they’re a good person.

You even make excuses for them.

They’re tired.

They don’t mean to yell.

They’re quiet from time to time—that’s just the way it is.

They don’t like me asking a lot of questions.

They like to be in charge.

I let them make all the decisions.

And so on and so forth.

All because you want the narcissist to change.

You want to change the narrative.

Right now, you’re reading:

A toxic person takes advantage of a humble, loyal, and kind victim.

You want to read:

A person going through a tough time needs a little understanding.

But that’s not true.

Accepting that means starting to become indifferent.

Indifference? How does that work?

Indifference won’t come to you all of a sudden, but there are ways you can get to the point where you feel completely indifferent to the narcissist.

Let’s break it down a little.

1. Acknowledge the Pain

This is hard to start with, but acknowledging the pain you’re feeling will help you understand that it’s there.

We can deny what’s happening in our home right before our eyes.

But that’s never a good thing. Over time, it’s like brushing off very destructive events as “normal life.”

The pain you feel matters, and anything you go through will leave a scar. You can’t be the type to walk around covered in scars, pretending you don’t know how you got them.

Related : Oops Did I Marry a Narcissist?

So how do you start doing that?

Be honest with the facts, not your feelings. The facts are the lies, the bullying, the manipulation, the neglect, the inconsistency, and the inability to have a deep conversation with you.

Reflect on your experiences and how they made you feel. Yes, I mean the good and the bad. When a narcissist makes you feel good, it’s usually because something bad just happened, or is about to happen. All of this is to protect you from the negatives.

Think about who you were before you met them, and who you are now. Can you honestly say that a narcissist is good for you?

2. Acceptance

Acceptance is a powerful tool. We all need to have it in any given situation.

I know that some things are hard to accept, and I can appreciate that loving someone and accepting that they can’t be who you want them to be is probably somewhere near the top of that list.

There are ways you can accept the narcissist as he is, which can lead to complete indifference to his ways. Here are some tips:

Notice when you’re trying to change the situation. Maybe you’re pretending to smile, or ignoring his latest snarky comment because he’s having a “bad day.”

Allow yourself to grieve the reality of what’s happening. Stop pretending anymore. See the relationship as it is, not as you want it to be.

Remember, acceptance is a choice. By making that choice, you’re giving yourself the opportunity to change the course of your life. It doesn’t have to be your story.

Give yourself time. Time helps with acceptance, and when you can, you can truly begin to become indifference.

3. Knowing Your Value

This is a big deal.

I know this won’t be easy for many of you. You’ve had your value stolen from you, haven’t you? And now you feel like you have no value at all.

When your value is in the spotlight and you have the opportunity to grow, you can do anything you want. If it’s ignored, you’ll continue doing exactly what you’ve been doing…

…things that clearly haven’t worked for you.

Yelling, or absorbing their toxicity.

Letting them make all the decisions because you won’t be criticized.

Related : 6 Big Mistakes People Make When Dealing With Covert Narcissists

You don’t have to make those choices, because you can make new ones based on a new level of self-esteem.

One of those choices might be indifference.

Don’t be interested. But other than being interested – feel it. Why should someone get all your energy and attention just because they demand it?

MakeMovingOnEasy

I know it’s hard to walk away from the pull of a toxic relationship.

Somehow, people become addicted to the ups and downs, the twists and turns, the great and the terrible.

To make moving on easy, you must start with indifference. Notice how you feel when you walk away and give the narcissist nothing.

Think about how you would feel when you had this emotional freedom.

You don’t have to worry about the narcissist anymore.