If you’re not happy, just leave.
You can’t take it!
You can’t be with someone who abuses you.
You need to end things today.
It seems so easy to some, doesn’t it?
Women stay with abusive men every day, despite knowing firsthand that they’re abusive.
The question many ask is… why?!
I hope these 11 reasons will help many of you who may be in this situation…
…quickly.
sooften
It’s a recurring story I hear.
I can’t leave him.
Then come the reasons, and some of them are downright terrifying.
Related : 13 Painful Lessons You Need To Learn From Narcissists
It’s not our place to question or judge why women stay with abusive men, but it is my job to tell you why they do.
WomenStayWithAbusiveMen: Here Are 11 Reasons Why
- They’reToldThey’reWorthless
When someone is told every day of their life that they’re worthless, eventually that person will feel that way.
Not only will they feel worthless, they’ll act that way.
Everything they do will be based on that sense of worthlessness that’s been instilled in them, and that includes knowing when to leave an abusive situation.
It’s a big reason why women stay with abusive men, but I can’t stress enough how damaging this belief can be.
No one is worthless. How could they be? But your belief in the abuser comes from several different games being played:
They isolate you so you don’t have people who contradict your worthlessness
They might ask you to quit your job so you don’t have professional relationships either
They criticize you to the point where nothing you say or do is right
They tell you how bad you are at cooking, keeping the house clean, presenting yourself well — the list goes on
They control what you think and feel by manipulating you
- Intimidation
Intimidation is straight-up bullying, right? But there are subtle ways abusers intimidate, and it doesn’t always have to be loud or aggressive.
Slamming doors
Throwing things across the room
Standing in a way that crowds someone else or blocks their personal space
Acting like they’re going to explode at any moment
The silent treatment
Direct threats
Screaming/rage/angry attacks
This is all bullying, and it’s all about keeping you on side. They want to remind you that they’re powerful, and that you have to do what they say or there will be problems.
- No other options
Having nowhere else to go is a real problem for many women in abusive relationships.
With the cost of living rising around the world and no end in sight, it’s a problem when it comes to people staying where they shouldn’t be.
There are dozens of charities ready and willing to help women stuck with abusive men, but the idea of having to speak up and make it a reality can put many off.
- Fear of Independence
When your independence has been stolen from you throughout your abusive relationship, it’s hard to know where to start when you think about going it alone.
You need me!
You’ll never be able to be on your own!
You desperately need to be on your own.
Hearing statements like this will ultimately have a huge impact on abuse victims. The fear of leaving stems from their lack of belief that they can build a life for themselves.
Related : The Narcissist Eternally Suffers From These 6 Things
This is one of those occasions where the impossible is just a manipulation of the mind.
- They Have a Desire to Help or Fix
It’s natural to want to fix someone who is broken if that’s where you found your value as a child.
This is where most people start to find people-pleasing traits. As they grow into adulthood, they look for people who need fixing, so they can find their purpose within that relationship.
Many women do this—and that’s why they stay.
- Trauma Bonding
An abuser will always be tied to their abuser, especially during relationships that involve cycles.
Think of a cycle as a series of ebbs and flows. One minute the tide is rushing in, the next minute it’s rushing out.
It’s not the same, but it’s a familiar pattern that people anticipate and even plan for.
This is like a cycle of abuse. And that’s why women stay. They wait for things to get better, and every time they do, they think things will be okay forever.
But they never do.
- Children: Fear of Losing Them
Children in toxic relationships have been through a lot. And if a woman is the victim, it’s natural to want to protect them.
Her choices are:
Do I go and risk him filing for partial or full custody so I can’t be around them half the time or more, or do I stay?
Do I go and risk my child turning on me and blaming me for the breakup, or do I stay?
It doesn’t have to be either/or, but the panic women feel will take over and push them to stay longer in an unhealthy relationship.
- Not Recognizing Abuse
It’s funny how something so horrible can soon become a normal part of someone’s life.
Because you have nothing to compare it to, you stay. Because familiar but toxic is better than unfamiliar and safe, you stay.
Not paying attention to abuse doesn’t make it any less of a problem. It simply allows it to continue as long as possible.
- No One Believes Her
Women often stay because they fear that no one will believe them if they leave or ask for help. This is where the abuser paints a very different picture than the one he or she paints at home.
Making it difficult to prove their actions gives women no hope at all, and by default, they find it easier to stay where they are and continue to be abused.
- Religious Purposes
Religion, culture, and beliefs are deeply rooted in many beliefs and walks of life, and it is never my job or opinion to judge anyone in this way.
In some walks of life, marriage is an assumed role that women assume and value. Not only that, but love, honor, and obedience are taken seriously by some, regardless of where you come from or what you believe.
So, leaving would be unfair or embarrassing to the entire family, so the women stay.
- Love
But I love him.
Love is not abuse and pain, it’s the exact opposite. What the victims don’t understand here is that it’s a bond, and it’s very hard to break those bonds of attachment when you have little support or awareness.
Love is not abuse, and abuse is no reason to stay.
