Narcissists make every situation as painful as possible, but I stand by my belief that they are also great teachers.
Hear me out!
Narcissists are terrible, yes. But they act in ways that help us realize that lessons can be learned. We can turn a negative into a positive if it means we grow a little bit as a result.
So, what are these lessons? They can be painful – you have to look at them as opportunities to gain knowledge and grow.
Nobody wants to learn these
Who on earth wants to have to willingly endure all the pain they go through just to learn a lesson?
Yes – it would be easier to know that ahead of time so you can swipe left and avoid them altogether.
But life doesn’t work that way – and sometimes you have to wade through the mud to get to dry land.
Lessons are how you grow and how you ensure you never experience pain and suffering again.
13 Painful Lessons You Need to Learn From Narcissists
- Love is not ammunition
The real lesson I learned is that love is not a word you use against someone. It’s not really like that, and not enough people take the time to process it.
Narcissists enjoy using love as a loaded weapon, with statements like:
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If you loved me, you’d start behaving properly in public.
If you loved me, you’d keep your hair long because you know I like that about you.
If you loved me, you’d try so hard to please me, but you don’t.
You can’t use love as an excuse to manipulate—but staying with a narcissist for too long makes it really forgettable for victims.
Learning that love is about respect and kindness will help you learn that you don’t have to keep trying to fit into impossible molds under the guise of love.
- The Only Revenge Is a Life Well Lived
For so long, victims have been trying to spend their lives wanting revenge on the narcissist. If only they could feel the pain you felt throughout your relationship, right?
It doesn’t work that way – and it shouldn’t.
The painful lesson to learn is that the best revenge is a great life. And the reason that hurts is because it takes time. It takes time to figure out what you want, work for it, and get it.
Narcissists don’t live a good life. They don’t wake up to their dream life every morning – they’re miserable like nothing else!
So what do you need to do to rise above all this negativity?
Live for yourself! Live happily! Live well!
- Narcissistic Abuse Is Real
Now is the time to stop denying that narcissistic abuse exists, because it does. It’s there and it’s hurting one in five people in a relationship right now.
Did you ever intend to get into a relationship with a narcissist? No!
The lesson is that sometimes you are part of a statistic, and that’s not always a good thing.
However, narcissistic abuse is real. They will try to convince you that it’s not and that it’s all in your head but this very toxic move is the embodiment of narcissistic abuse.
- The Narcissist Acts
Nothing the narcissist told you was real.
They lie, and they’re really good at it. The reason they lie is to encourage you to believe them. They want you, like a dog, to be obedient and know who’s in charge.
In general, reality is nothing more than an actor playing a very good role.
So the love they told you they had for you, all the promises – none of it is real.
- Some people will believe them
I’m afraid that’s always the case.
All narcissists will be able to convince at least one other person that they’re innocent.
Could it be someone close to you?
Sure. It could be anyone in your support circle; Friends or family.
It hurts because no matter what you say or do, nothing will change their minds.
- You will lose people!
Which leads to the fact that you will – yes – lose people along the way.
Some will simply not want to “get involved” and will maintain a healthy distance from you. Others will side with the narcissist 100%. Some may not like who you’ve become and will choose to drop the friendship altogether.
It’s unfortunate that the narcissist is responsible for this – but it happens.
Think about yourself – what’s worse – being under their influence and having almost everyone around you support it? …
…or going through the painful lesson of learning that your freedom equals a certain amount of loss?
- Narcissists love to watch you in pain
Your pain is their drug.
Your pain is their source.
Your pain is their joy.
They love every aspect of it and will always work to stimulate those feelings inside you to make you feel good.
How many of you have noticed that when you are having a bad day, that is when the narcissist seems to be the happiest?
It’s pretty mean, isn’t it?
- Love Doesn’t Hurt
All this time, you thought it had to hurt; otherwise, it wouldn’t be love, but your research and time have proven you wrong.
Love doesn’t hurt. It’s not meant to break your heart in two, and those who claim to love you don’t really love you if they intend to cause you pain.
- Wishing Isn’t Life
Wishing and hoping that someone will change is a waste of life.
You waste hours, days, weeks, and months waiting for them to come to their senses, and you will never get that time back.
The lesson here is that you can’t wait. There is nothing in it for you if you wait.
- You Won’t Get an Apology
No narcissist will ever apologize for hurting you.
Apologizing to them is an admission, and if they admit to causing you pain, they’re admitting to being abusive.
They’d rather not do it at all.
- There’s No Closure From Them Too
When all you want is closure, what you’re left with instead is never knowing why. It’s never going to be the ending you want, with the answers you need.
What you need to focus on in times like these is that sometimes no answer is the closure you’re looking for.
- It Was Never Your Fault
The pain of thinking that the entire abusive situation was your fault is palpable, and you’ll never forget it, even if you get over it.
Related : The Narcissist Wants You To Hate Them
It’s comforting to realize that the way you were treated wasn’t your fault, but it takes time to reprogram your brain to fully believe that and form new habits based on that belief.
- Grief is present
Grief is not reserved for the dearly departed and the dying.
You can grieve the end of a relationship or you can grieve for the person you wanted the narcissist to be.
I think sometimes it’s easy to run a narrative loop in your brain to suit your desires.
If you picture the narcissist as the perfect person for you, your brain won’t be able to tell the difference between that and reality.
Remembering that is hard, and grieving the story you’ve built in your mind.
