Phone calls and narcissists are the best of friends. The active fingers of a narcissist love to call you and say whatever they want to say – and you tolerate it…

… like you tolerate anything else.

When you get a call from a narcissist, it will never start or end normally. There’s a lot I can tell you that will help, so without further ado, let’s explore this power play in more detail.

“You’re going to be controlled!”

No one enters a relationship willingly handing over control to the other person. We enter into this relationship assuming that respect, compromise, and honesty will be huge aspects of it.

What do you think of when you think of control?

If you hate making decisions, your partner can encourage you to think and act according to what you want or desire, without taking over the entire situation.

Narcissists don’t behave that way. If they see you as indecisive, they will take full advantage of that and use you as a puppet in their hands.

Do what I say!

I’m the one making the decisions here!

You don’t know what you like, so let me tell you!

It’s all a ploy to control and have power over someone, and that’s what narcissists do best.

BeInThem…

Phones are a great way to connect people, not just locally, but all over the world. If you have someone’s number 8,000 miles away, you can call them and talk to them.

I love that about phones. We live in a world that’s more “connected” in that sense than ever before.

But there’s a downside, too—and that downside is that you’re at the mercy of the narcissist in your life.

Being called at 11 a.m. or 11 p.m. can be hell when all you want to do is take time for yourself, or stop thinking.

Related :,See How Modern Society Is Turning More People Into Narcissists

In fact, I can think of at least a dozen people in my career who have had narcissistic parents who call and make unrealistic demands at all hours of the day and night.

HowTheirPowerBecomesYourLifeOverTime

You’re never given a real chance to empower your life when you’re under the influence of a narcissist. Under normal circumstances, couples encourage each other to succeed and be the best version of themselves.

There’s compromise and understanding—and a level of communication that allows for honesty and openness.

Narcissists prefer to use their power to block all of that out, to remove any kind of inclination for you to succeed.

You just survive.

Over the course of a lifetime—if you’re unlucky enough to live with a narcissist for long—their power is your life. It’s not yours to own or shape in any way you dream.

I need you to understand the role that phone calls play in all of this – because they are largely forgotten or misinterpreted.

PhoneCalls,Narcissists,andPowerPlay

1 Hanging Up on You

One moment you’re having a good conversation, and the next moment they decide to hang up on you in the middle of a conversation.

You’re confused, and you have every right to be. Why are they hanging up on you? What did I say or do that was so wrong?

In fact, it was nothing. You didn’t do anything wrong, and many victims of narcissism forget to consciously check that.

Frankly, you’re you, and that’s all people can ask for. But narcissists are also themselves, and that takes a lot of handling.

Someone can get hung up on the phone during a conflict, and that’s just as annoying for the person left in the lurch. That’s how you feel, isn’t it?

You’re eager to get your point across, but you’re met with someone who’s unwilling to listen to you, or to deal with it in a mature, emotionally regulated way.

It’s a total power play when they have the last word and they hang up the phone – and their intention is to leave you wanting to chase, while they sit and smile their way through your last twelve calls and texts.

2 Talking Over You

Raise your hands, who among us has a narcissist ever talked to?

(I raised my hands, that’s for sure!)

Narcissists love to talk over people. Why? The simple reason is that they feel that whatever they have to say is more important than anyone else’s. What they say needs to be heard, they need to exert their authority. They want to sound like their voice is the strongest and most heard of all.

Related : You’re Shocked to See Where Narcissists Really End Up

And if you try to talk over them – well – be sure to prepare for the narcissistic rage that follows!

3 Putting You in an Awkward Situation

I’m calling to ask you to meet me for lunch today. I have an important conversation I need to have with you.

This potential indulgent has invited us to dinner tonight and I need to make a good impression.

Anything and everything you can think of that could put you in an awkward position can be done over the phone.

You could even be in line at the grocery store – and the narcissist will call and demand.

For you? It’s not fun at all.

If you don’t answer – you pay a heavy price.

If you do answer – you know something is going to happen.

They will use your uncertainty and eagerness to please them, against you at every opportunity.

4 Setting you up for later

Husbands work, right? You can go all day without seeing them, and have a great day in the process. So what happens when you have no idea what kind of mood a narcissist is in?

They may call you and tell you.

Or maybe you call them to see how they’re doing, and they deliberately pull away.

You wonder what happened, what happened, and why they’re acting this way.

Now all day long, these anxious expectations have been building up inside of you, and that’s very damaging.

5 They’ll punish you if you don’t answer the phone

Be present and answer their call, or they’ll immediately start plotting revenge (which may mean going back to the blocking or silent treatment we talked about earlier).

Narcissists are the most entitled people you will ever meet. In their eyes, they need you to respond as soon as they try to talk to you. If you don’t, they will immediately view you as a form of rejection—their worst nightmare.

In contrast, the power play is to drop everything to respond before they have a chance to hang up the phone.

That’s no way to live.