Being groomed by a narcissist is one thing, but knowing it is another. You may see warning signs every day, and the more you ignore them, the more the narcissist will groom you.
But what are the true intentions of a narcissist? What are the two key indicators that will reveal their evil game?
As hard as it may be to figure out, that’s what I’m here for, so let’s uncover exactly what narcissists do to manipulate you in the toxic way they do.
NarcissistsSneak In
They sneak in and come into our worlds before we even have a chance to blink and see what’s really going on, and we’ll get to that in point one.
Don’t be fooled though – being groomed by a narcissist is a subtle act of abuse that – if you’re not aware of narcissism – can easily happen to anyone.
The Harassment Game Is Not a Game You Should Say Yes To
I know it’s never a conscious decision to say yes to any narcissistic games, but this is the game you really want to stay away from.
Related : The Ultimate Guide to Survive a Narcissist
They will try their hardest to lure you in, and there are two key indicators that this is happening to you.
1 Too Much, Too Soon
So first point, as promised, I want to touch on how quickly narcissists enter their victims’ lives.
Yes – it happens very quickly. They show up at our front door, and they charm us in.
They do it in a way that makes us feel safe and truly worthy. The compliments flow. The laughter follows.
Before you know it, you’re:
Opening up to them about the most vulnerable parts of your past.
Letting them know your triggers.
Becoming okay with everything they say and do.
Assuming you’re the luckiest person in the world.
Making plans that could take months or even years to execute.
Visually imagining yourself with them.
You believe every word they say, simply because they wrap every word in gold and present it to you as if it were rare diamonds.
The grooming aspect of being narcissistic creates a false sense of security, and you won’t realize it until it’s too late.
They want you to move fast with them because then you’ll:
Be less likely to leave them.
Feel like all your dreams have come true.
Think you’ve met someone who keeps their promises.
Fantasize that they’re with you because they love you.
Stand by them whenever someone challenges you that things are “moving too fast.” To you, you’ve only experienced a sweet, charming personality.
As one of the main ways narcissists groom, engaging too much too soon is a dangerous game, but what’s even more dangerous is that the victim doesn’t realize what’s happening.
Why do you lean into toxic reality when you’re taken out, treated like royalty, given flowers or expensive jewelry, or taken to a luxury hotel for the weekend?
Suddenly, you’re presented with opportunities to talk about your future, and to reveal your past.
Narcissist:
Takes notes. They want to know every part of you, what makes you laugh, what makes you cry, and everything in between. They do this to use it on later dates so they can be the cause and cure for your fears.
Promises, promises, promises. They want you to believe them, to trust them. And once that trust is built, they will abuse it by abusing you, or what many know as the narcissistic abuse cycle.
TheNarcissisticAbuseCycle
Let’s talk about this cycle in more detail, so you can understand where the love/hate, push/pull, and heat/cold come from, and where it leads.
BuildingTension
When you meet a narcissist, it doesn’t take long for the charm to be replaced by tension.
After a while, you notice the tension building. You feel challenged. Emotions are running high, and none of it feels good. You feel like they’re leading you somewhere, but you don’t know where.
acting
This stage of the cycle is where your fantasies become somewhat distorted by the reality of how they’ve treated you.
Related : 10 Signs From The Universe You Are Dealing With a Narcissist
Things start to lose meaning anymore. Why are they attacking you? What did you do wrong? Why are you changing personality? What’s this tension in the air?
Why are they giving you the silent treatment? Why are they blaming you for things you didn’t do? What happened to the person you first met?
Many questions lead nowhere, because the narcissist won’t be honest enough to tell you that their initial act was all charm and deception.
The narcissist will dismantle the dream they created, but only after you’ve formed a bond of attachment. Now they can do all of this, and you’re not going anywhere.
reconciliation
Please forgive me. I’m going to change. I was stressed. I wasn’t myself, there’s a lot going on.
The reconciliation stage is when the narcissist can pull you back in and try to make everything okay again.
The magic of your first meeting comes back to life, and you see them trying to make you feel important and significant again.
What a wonderful journey for the victim.
The Calm
And there you are, the calm stage. Where everything is okay, for a little while.
2 Where did you go?
Victims of narcissistic abuse lose themselves over time in the dynamic.
They don’t mean to, and they don’t want to, but it happens for a number of reasons:
The narcissist pulls you away from what you know through criticism, ridicule, mockery, passive aggression, shame, guilt, and anger.
They convince you that you no longer need to be around the people you love. “You just need me. I’m the only one who understands you.” This isn’t true—it’s a ploy to make you feel like you can’t trust or depend on anyone else.
Your hobbies and interests are cut short. You think it’s easier to screw them up than to continue them because all the narcissist does is make you feel bad in some way every time you try to do them.
They may say you’re not smart enough, decent enough, or good enough for them, so for you, you think, what’s the point?
Related : You Must Never Reveal This One Thing to the Narcissist
You lose your identity to someone who constantly questions your version of reality.
Manipulation is a common way for narcissists to manipulate and control their victims, and they will use a wide range of phrases to do this, such as:
You’re completely crazy.
You have a weird imagination!
It didn’t happen that way at all!
Of course you’d think so.
Are you suggesting I’m going to cheat?!
If the narcissist is using manipulation to get you to think or act a certain way, it’s a huge sign that your identity is being eroded, and that you’re being groomed.
Identity doesn’t just play a huge role in who we are – it’s who we are.
It’s never too late to find it again – but that can only really happen when you’re completely narcissistic free.
When their abuse of you becomes yesterday, you can make tomorrow the gift you give yourself.
