Sometimes I address these topics more informally than others…
…this is not one of those times.
Narcissists are known for being quiet all the time while you say or do the right thing, and even that doesn’t last forever.
But there’s the other side of the coin. The side where you should never say or say what you might want to say.
Why?
Because it will never end well.
So, what are these things? Well, I’ve got 10 for you, and I’m ready to dive into them.
Now, you can say a lot…
As long as it’s what they want to hear!
You can sit around with a narcissist all day and gossip. You can leave at the end of the day thinking you’ve really made it, but the reality is that they don’t think of you that way at all.
In fact, they’ll walk out of the day thinking, “I got a lot of information from this miserable person, and they fell for my charm and my fake interest in them.”
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It’s a constant false sense of security, and that’s what makes people feel so disappointed when they realize it was all a big lie.
Compliance is their happy place
If you do what they want, they’ll be happy, even if you’re not.
The problem starts when you start saying things you should never say to a narcissist – and some of those phrases will be what the narcissist wants to hear!
Let’s start looking at some examples.
10 Things You Should Never Say to a Narcissist
1 “I Accept Your Apology”
Accepting a narcissist’s empty apology means they automatically have permission to do whatever they did again.
Did they come home late and not tell you where they were?
Okay – good! You said it was okay, so expect more of the same!
Do you see how damaging it is to let them hurt you, and to tell them “don’t worry about it”?
As the narcissist laughs, you feel even sadder than you were to begin with, all because you want the narcissist to be happy.
I’ve learned that as long as they have a smile on their face, there will be peace in your home.
What about you?
2 “You’re a narcissist!”
Oh. I can hear a pin dropping right now, even as I write these words.
Telling a narcissist that they’re a narcissist will cause a lot of trouble, and nothing will ever be the same again.
Narcissists thrive all the time while you ignore their games, but the moment you cling to reality – there’s no going back.
You can expect to completely eliminate the narcissist from your life if you tell them they’re a narcissist.
They’ll know they can’t control you anymore, and they’ll see you as useless to them. They may even resort to denial, or project your thoughts onto you, making you seem like the toxic one.
Whatever happens – it won’t be pretty.
3 “I know your game”
Predicting what a narcissist will do next means you’ve spent a lot of time studying them, and getting to know how they work.
If you were to pass this on to the narcissist, they would have a hard time continuing to do what they were previously getting away with.
From this – you can expect them to step up their game significantly, and shift gears to become an even more destructive force.
4 “You’re so insecure underneath it all”
Oh.
Narcissists have very fragile egos, and I don’t think any of them would tolerate you being direct and honest with them. This is a painful state of affairs, and discovering a narcissist’s insecurities is one thing.
Telling them what you’re thinking is another thing entirely.
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Not only does this prove that you understand them, it also proves that you’re willing to go the extra mile and tell them.
5 “You don’t love me”
Telling a narcissist that you don’t love me does several things – not all of which have to do with them.
First of all, you’re giving them complete control over their feelings towards you. Yes, you’re probably right.
They don’t love you. But it’s not because of anything you’ve done wrong. Knowing that you’re upset about how they’ve treated you makes them feel somewhat proud that they’ve been able to successfully manipulate you.
But also—for you—this phrase is a reminder that you deserve better.
- “I’m going to tell everyone what you did”
Well, if you’re going to do that, let me set you up for serious consequences.
It won’t be nice, but I think you already know this.
When a narcissist feels threatened, they react. And when they’re threatened, they react even more.
That could be through anger, denial, the silent treatment, starting a smear campaign about you, or getting rid of you entirely. Whatever happens—there will be a punishment.
Finding out on a narcissist is their worst nightmare.
- “It’s my fault”
No!
This is a constant reminder that I have to give you all repeatedly.
It’s not your fault.
Narcissistic abuse is the abuser’s fault, and that’s all there is to it.
Never surrender your power over a narcissist in this way. Never.
- “You’re right”
Can I yell “No” again?!
In what world are narcissists right?
There are two options.
The first is to convince you that they’re right.
The second is to tell them they’re right just to keep the peace.
Neither option is right.
Don’t be fooled into thinking that you have to tell them anything to keep the conflict low!
- “Whatever you want”
This is where the victim is so eager to please the narcissist that they will literally say anything to get it.
Whatever you want is another phrase that gives the narcissist control.
Not only can you not blame them if things go wrong (you told them so, remember?), but you also don’t get a say because that wasn’t your original preference.
Whatever you want is exactly what the narcissist wants.
- “I love you no matter what”
If that’s not permission to treat you the way they want, without consequences or boundaries to protect you, then I don’t know what is.
Never tell a narcissist that you’ll love them no matter what they say or do, or how they treat you.
Not only is it the worst way to give your heart to someone, it shows that you have no real morals when it comes to forgiveness.
It’s something you should really think about the next time you decide to let your guard down for someone who doesn’t think highly of you in return.
