Did you know that if a man has a close relationship with his wife’s relatives, his risk of divorce decreases by 20%? If a woman has a close relationship with her husband’s relatives, her risk of divorce increases by 20%.

Recognizing a narcissistic mother-in-law is crucial to maintaining healthy family relationships.

Common signs may include selfishness, lack of empathy, a constant need for attention and admiration, apathetic behavior, competitiveness, and avoidance of any responsibility.

Setting and communicating clear boundaries can be helpful in maintaining your health, even if seeking support from a therapist may be helpful in the long run.

1 She’s Very Charming

This may seem like a good trait at first; after all, if she’s charming and you get along, it bodes well for the rest of your relationship!

But narcissists are very cunning and know what they’re doing. They manipulate situations to their advantage so they can gain ammunition in the future.

For example, your narcissistic mother-in-law may be very charming and agreeable to you, which means you’ll trust her and lower your guard.

Related : The Painful Narcissist Silent Treatment is a Form of Abuse

You may end up confiding in her about some of your marital problems, thinking you’ll get a sympathetic ear.

But you need to realize that mothers will always be on their children’s side, especially narcissists. What your mother-in-law is actually doing is gathering information that she can use in the future.

You’ll soon realize this when you bring up these private details in public discussions or arguments. Or you may realize that your husband knows things that you’ve only told your mother-in-law.

Knowing how to neutralize the effects of narcissistic abuse can make a big difference when it comes to your mother-in-law and your marriage.

The next time your mother-in-law is using her charm, don’t fall for the games your narcissistic mother-in-law is playing.

2 She Needs Frequent Praise and Control

Narcissists are very self-absorbed, which means that your mother-in-law may demand frequent praise from everyone around her. By the same token, she also expects everyone to defer to her.

You may feel pressured to please your mother-in-law, especially in the beginning, when you want to be accepted and loved by your husband’s family.

But you may have noticed that if you fail to meet her expectations in just one area, your narcissistic mother-in-law will not hesitate to tell everyone how bad you are being a daughter-in-law.

She will also likely tell your husband how bad you are being a wife.

If you and your husband don’t address this issue early on, it can eventually cause your marriage to deteriorate. He may feel like you’re not doing enough to please his mother, which can cause friction between you.

Appeasing a narcissist’s behavior will only make things worse, because he will never be happy with what you give him. Instead, he will demand more and more from you.

So, even if you’re tempted to give in and do everything you can to please your mother-in-law, you need to cut this attempt at its root.

Communicate calmly and clearly with your spouse about her mother’s troubling behavior and tell her that you won’t play along.

3 She’s nosy and meddling in your marriage

Since she craves control, your narcissistic mother-in-law may also be meddling in your marriage.

There’s a difference between offering helpful advice and trying to take over your partnership.

She may show up unannounced often, be extremely intrusive, and ask personal questions.

Your covert narcissistic mother-in-law will do this subtly at first, but eventually she’ll become more insistent.

This is because she’ll lull you into a false sense of security, and eventually, you’ll feel like you have no choice but to give her answers.

The best way to take control back into your own hands is to set some boundaries. Limit the amount of time you spend with your spouse’s relatives; for example, be firm about only letting your mother-in-law come over on certain days and for specific periods of time.

You should also limit the information you give her; this is called an information diet.

4 She attacks and bullies you

Narcissists want to be the center of attention and believe they have all the good qualities that anyone could possibly have.

So if someone close to them has characteristics or traits that make them see what they lack, they will attack you to feel better about themselves.

For example, your overweight mother-in-law might insult you because you’re underweight. Your narcissistic mother-in-law might specifically attack you because she’s dealing with aging.

So she might belittle you for minor physical flaws just because you’re younger.

Related : How to Deal With a Narcissistic Mother Without Losing Your Sanity?

You probably won’t be able to change her behavior. The best thing to do is try not to take things personally and dismiss them as narcissistic behavior. Limiting your interactions with her by setting boundaries can also help reduce these instances.

5 She Plays the Favorite and Manipulates

Remember how we said earlier that your narcissistic mother-in-law needs frequent praise and admiration? One way she achieves this is by playing the favorite.

It may not be noticeable at first, but she may be pitting her children (or even grandchildren) against each other. For example, she may lavish praise on one child while completely ignoring the others.

This can cause conflict between siblings. In turn, it can cause them to fight harder for their mother’s affection. This feeds the narcissist’s ego, which makes her do it even more.

Narcissistic mothers-in-law can also pit their children’s spouses against each other, so don’t fall for this.

Instead, you need to present a united front with them. That way, you don’t allow your mother-in-law to poison your relationships in the family.

It can be difficult to step in between your narcissistic mother-in-law and her children.

But if you notice any of the above happenings, you may want to bring it up with your husband.

Many children of narcissistic mothers-in-law already know this about their narcissistic parents; they were raised by them, after all.

But some may be oblivious, so it’s a good idea to bring it up with them. Once you do, you and your husband can present a united front instead of a divided one.

6 She Lies All the Time

One sign of a narcissistic mother-in-law is if she lies all the time.

Narcissists will lie if it suits their narrative, which usually entails being the victim.

Being the victim gets them the most attention and sympathy, which they thrive on.

One common technique your narcissistic mother-in-law uses is manipulation. She may have responses that make you question whether or not you’re remembering things correctly, especially when you’re in front of other people.

She may also start spreading rumors about you in the community to turn people against you and favor her. In the worst case scenario, your mother-in-law may lie about you to your husband.

Don’t try to engage with her behavior, let alone return the favor; sinking to her level will only make you look bad, too.

If possible, reach out to the community to tell them the truth, but do so in a concise, calm, and rational manner.

You don’t even have to give them personal details if you don’t want to. Just tell them that the things that were said are not true and if anyone has any questions, they can contact you personally.

You should also reach out to your husband to let him know that what his mother said is not true.

Adult children of narcissistic mothers may initially side with their narcissistic father, but if there is enough trust and love in your relationship, he should trust your word more than hers.

If he needs proof, be prepared to provide it.

7 She ignores and dismisses your opinion

Narcissists have an inflated sense of self, which means they will ignore people they don’t like. They may seem to care about your opinion, but once you offer it to them, they will completely ignore it.

For example, she may ask you what your favorite flowers are. If you tell her you have allergies, she may bring a vase of flowers on the next visit because she rejects your words.

If you have any major accomplishments in life, she may also dismiss them. She may also try to outdo you in order to put you down and lift herself up.

Related : Can a Narcissist Fall in Love? Will a Narcissist Ever Find True Love?

In these cases, it’s best to distance yourself and try again not to take it personally.

You may never be able to change your narcissistic mother-in-law’s behavior, so learning healthy ways to cope is your best option.

Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother-in-Law Is Possible

For those who think, “My mother-in-law is a narcissist,” it can feel like your marriage is on the verge of collapse at times.

But with our helpful tips, hopefully dealing with a narcissistic mother-in-law is possible.

Whether it’s setting boundaries or not communicating at all, you need to put your foot down when it comes to your narcissistic mother-in-law. Otherwise, it could have a detrimental effect on your marriage and could even end it.