If the phrase “opposites attract” were in the dictionary, its definition would be “empaths” and “narcissists.” They’re like fire and water, but the two personalities have always been intensely attracted to each other. Unfortunately, empaths often end up on the weaker side, because narcissists have an ulterior motive for dating empaths.
One of the key traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder is that they lack empathy. They need people to idolize them, and thrive on attention, praise, and admiration from others. Narcissists are also driven by control, and to ensure their partners remain submissive, they use a variety of highly skilled bullying tactics.
Empaths, on the other hand, are highly sensitive individuals who feel the emotions of others. Despite the narcissist’s attempts to hide their true feelings, the empath is attuned to the narcissist’s pain and has a strong desire to heal them.
But the end result is always great sadness for the empath, because in most cases, the narcissist doesn’t want to get better. In fact, narcissists don’t think there’s anything wrong with them, and as far as they’re concerned, everyone else is the problem.
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Therefore, there’s a constant tug-of-war between the empath’s soul and the narcissist’s soul until one of them decides to break free. More often than not, it’s the narcissist who dumps the empath and leaves them in an irreparable state. Additionally, there are many reasons why empaths and narcissists are attracted to each other, and here are a few of them.
4 Reasons Why Empaths and Narcissists Are Attracted to Each Other
According to psychiatrist Judith Orloff, author of The Empath’s Survival Guide, narcissists target empaths because their personality type means they’re likely to do anything to please their partner.
Because empaths feel deeply, they also love deeply. This happens very quickly for empaths, and once they reach that point, they have a hard time letting go no matter how they are treated. It’s important to note that empaths’ reluctance to leave an abusive relationship with a narcissist is not due to insecurity or low self-esteem (although that can play a role). Empaths are very complex people, and the light inside them has a strong desire to dispel the darkness in others.
Because empaths are so selfless, in the mind of the narcissist, this makes them the perfect candidate for a constant source of narcissistic supply. Orloff says she often tells her empath clients to refrain from dating narcissists, but that’s not in their nature and they can’t help who they’re drawn to.
In addition, empaths don’t understand how their narcissistic partners have no empathy. As a result, empaths truly believe it is their job to transfer empathy to the narcissist so that they can live the fulfilling life that the empath knows they deserve.
- Empaths are mirror images of the narcissist
Everyone has an idealized sense of self, and most of us are never satisfied with the image staring back at us in the mirror. Some people want fuller lips, longer hair, or a little weight loss. Unconsciously, the narcissist has an idealized self, and they want to feel the way the empath feels.
People don’t decide to become narcissists; it’s a disorder that develops as a result of emotional trauma in childhood. So despite the behavior we see on the surface, deep down, they wish they could be normal.
In their eyes, the empath is the idealized image staring back at them in the mirror. So the narcissist’s attraction to the empath stems from a deep psychological longing.
- Empaths are honest
Despite the fact that you can’t trust narcissists to the fullest, they do value honesty in people. As mentioned above, narcissists admire qualities in others that they don’t have. Narcissists are known for lying, even if they are caught lying, they will convince the person witnessing it that they are imagining it.
They tell the most blatant lies and that’s just what they do. However, empaths are known for their honesty; one of the main reasons for this is that lying kills them because of the guilt they feel.
The world of empaths is all about improving the lives of others, and as far as they are concerned, lying doesn’t add to a person’s life, it takes away from it.
- Empaths aren’t afraid to be vulnerable
With empaths, what you see is what you get; in most cases, they won’t try to act like someone they’re not. They also won’t hide their feelings because they don’t know how. The vulnerability of empaths makes them so attractive to narcissists because they know it won’t take much to break them.
When a narcissist gets into a relationship, they work very hard to attract the person. The first stage is love bombing — this involves treating the significant other like royalty. The narcissist sends their partner flowers, buys them gifts, takes them on vacations, and worships the ground they walk on.
Once they’re confident that the person has fallen under their spell, they turn, and the narcissist turns into their worst nightmare.
The second stage is known as “devaluation,” where narcissists become emotionally abusive. This is done in a very subtle, but effective way. For example, a narcissist will combine a compliment and an insult in one sentence, saying something like, “That dress looks great on you, but it’s accentuating your fat thighs.” But the week before, the narcissist was telling you how much they loved your thighs!
This creates confusion and conflict in the victim’s mind. At this point, the partner is addicted, accustomed to the high associated with the love bombing phase, and will do anything and everything to get back there.
In this way, the narcissist gains access to a constant source of supply because their partner is always working to get the attention they received during the love bombing phase. But unbeknownst to them, this was a mask, and now they are dealing with the narcissist’s true personality.
- Empaths are Intense
There is no denying the fact that empaths are extremely intense people. Everything they do is done with great passion and enthusiasm. It is not uncommon for empaths to be labeled as “over-the-top.” If they tell someone they love their hair, they will offer a selection of reasons why.
When an empath decides to work on a project, they will do their best. Someone who works at such a high intensity is the perfect partner for a narcissist.
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The reason is that they know they will fall deeply in love with them, which means that admiration, praise, and everything else that a narcissist loves will be available in abundance.
How do empaths protect themselves from narcissists?
In general, it is essential for empaths to protect their energy. Because they are so sensitive, it is easy to get overwhelmed, especially when they are in a negative environment.
Protecting their energy and emotional well-being becomes even more important when they are dating a narcissist because narcissists can be truly awful. Here are some tips on how empaths can protect themselves from narcissists:
