Narcissists seek love because it validates their self-worth and provides them with a supply of attention. This boosts their ego and helps them feel important, which is a constant and intense need for narcissists.

Although some narcissists appear to be kind and caring in relationships, these traits tend to disappear quickly.

When narcissists know that someone loves them, they feel more comfortable lowering their guard.

At this stage, abusive and manipulative behaviors become more apparent as the relationship becomes more about what you can give them rather than what they can give you.

In this article, I will explain that narcissists seek love to boost their ego and feel important. They expect constant attention, isolate their partners, and manipulate them. Narcissists fall in love with people who validate their needs.

Do Narcissists Understand Love?

Many narcissists understand love and value love as an important thing in life.

It is common for narcissists to desire stereotypical things like marriage and children. Most would say that commitment is important to them.

But love, to them, is something they are obligated to and entitled to. They deserve it, even if they treat others poorly.

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In love, narcissists are rarely interested in empathy or altruism—they are more interested in how their partner can consistently and tirelessly meet their needs.

What Happens When You Show Love to a Narcissist? (How Do They Respond?)

Narcissists love it when others show them love. Of all the highs they can experience, this is the most important.

It fills (temporarily) the void that has been eating away at them. Unfortunately, this starts a vicious cycle of the relationship for the partner.

Here are some ways narcissists respond to receiving love:

They Expect (and Slowly Demand) Your Kindness and Generosity

It’s natural to expect empathy from your partner. But a narcissist has unrealistic demands when it comes to a relationship.

They often want constant attention and praise. They need to know that they matter at all times—even if it’s at the expense of their own well-being.

Narcissists have no problem making high demands of their partners. They want lavish gifts.

They want second, third, and fourth chances when they make mistakes. They want to know that you’ll always comfort them when they’re sad (even if they don’t tell you they’re sad).

But as soon as you need support, the narcissist disappears or becomes reactive.

They don’t know how to fully empathize with others. They feel resentful when they need to put others’ needs before their own—even when it’s temporary.

They start isolating you from others

This can happen quickly or slowly, but many narcissists try to isolate partners from certain people.

You’ll often notice this in subtle ways. Most narcissists won’t outright say, “I don’t want you to have friends!” But they will make comments like, “Have you ever noticed how much your friend is chatty?” or “Don’t you think your uncle has a drinking problem?”

I know I feel uncomfortable when we hang out with him.”

Even if their questions or statements aren’t true, they’re counting on you to trust them.

And because most people want to give their partners the benefit of the doubt, it’s easy to get swept up in their beliefs.

They make you question other parts of your life

In addition to isolating you from others, narcissists will often try to make you question other decisions or preferences.

For example, if they don’t like the fact that you make more money than them, they will make statements like,

“They make you work so hard! You never really find time for me, and when you do, you’re always so tired,” or,

“Money is good, but it comes at the expense of your mental health.”

These statements often seem “innocent” enough to convince you that the narcissist has your best interests at heart.

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But in reality, they’re preoccupied with their own feelings and needs. Over time, this quickly turns into more controlling behavior.

Even if they don’t realize it, narcissists view their partners as extensions of themselves.

You’re not your entire being with a unique personality or desires. You’re a product of what they believe they’re entitled to.

So, when they disagree with you about something you do, they can’t let it go. They simply cannot accept that you think or act differently than they do.

Instead, they respond with anger, often leading to partners giving in to their demands.

TheyWithholdLove

Feeling like they’re withholding love is one of the most painful reactions associated with narcissistic love. However, this hot-and-cold intensity is typical of narcissistic relationships.

At one point, you may feel like you’re connected and happy together. Then, suddenly, you’ve done something wrong (even if you don’t know what it is), and the narcissist acts like you’re a total enemy.

Withholding love is part of the devaluation process. The intensity with which they do this can change over time, but it tends to become more pervasive over the years. At some point, it will then evolve into the ultimate disposal.

TheyDumpYou

Narcissistic disposal is the final stage of a narcissistic relationship. Disposal occurs once the narcissist decides that they no longer want or need you as a source of support.

They need someone to give them that initial fix they crave. Unfortunately, at this stage, the relationship often feels so toxic that victims blame themselves for ending it.

They have been so battered by the narcissist’s words and actions that they believe it is all their fault.

The narcissist often comes across as harsh, withdrawn, or downright evil when the dumping occurs.

They no longer want anything to do with you. If they are willing to talk, it is only to blame you for how much you have hurt them or ruined the relationship.

They often claim that you have changed (although they are only talking about the initial euphoria that changed for them).

At this stage, it is common for them to rush into another relationship. But they are also likely to be monitoring you to make sure you are not doing well without them.

Do Narcissists Feel Love and Attraction?

Narcissists can feel love and attraction; many happily claim to love their partners, family members, or close friends. To them, this love is completely real.

However, their version of love tends to be more superficial and goal-oriented.

They love someone based on what they get from them. It’s rarely about a joint effort. It’s about meeting their intense needs.

Most narcissists have a distorted definition of love. For them, love is an external source of constant validation.

It’s not about giving and receiving. It’s something they feel they are owed. Love, from this perspective, becomes a transaction. What a partner gives is meant to satisfy the narcissist’s inflated ego.

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