A relationship with a narcissist is full of drama and emotion. You may struggle with their inflated sense of self and their inability to show respect.
Unfortunately, it’s difficult to maintain a healthy relationship without mutual respect, and gaining true respect from a narcissist can be an uphill battle, given their selfish nature and inflated ego.
You may have begun to question the relationship and your own self-worth, so you’re looking for an answer: How do you get a narcissist to respect you?
To get a narcissist to respect you, set firm boundaries, assert yourself confidently, challenge their ideas tactfully, celebrate your accomplishments, maintain self-esteem, educate yourself about their interests, stay calm, show selective empathy, and value yourself.
If they continue to show disrespect, consider ending the relationship.
In this article, I’ll show you how you can slowly work your way up to earning their reluctant respect by showcasing your knowledge and expertise, engaging in intellectual discussions, and valuing yourself.
10 Ways to Get a Narcissist to Respect You
1 Set Clear Boundaries
Respect starts with you, which means acting in a way that earns the respect of those around you, even if they are narcissists!
People who deserve respect are assertive, confident, and in control. Setting boundaries will help you achieve all of these goals.
Refusing to give in to pressure shows confidence, while asserting your own needs proves that you are assertive.
Setting boundaries also helps move the conversation into a more open and constructive space, so you can communicate what you expect from your partner and what behavior you will tolerate.
A narcissistic partner may disrespect you and your commitments by asking you to cancel your plans so you can spend time with them instead.
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They may say,
“I don’t care what you have planned with your so-called friends — I made reservations at that great new restaurant in town and I want you to try it with me.”
This is the perfect opportunity to set your boundaries. Instead of pandering to their needs, respond by reaffirming your boundaries, saying,
“I understand that you want to spend time together, but I also value my relationships and commitments outside of our relationship. I’d love to go out for a meal with you, but not today. Can you reschedule for later in the week?”
By responding this way, you avoid conflict while refusing to compromise your needs to accommodate theirs.
2 Be Confident
Maintaining your confidence when a narcissist is constantly harassing you and trying to undermine you is difficult. However, it is essential when it comes to how to make a narcissist respect you.
If your narcissistic partner is determined to prove his worth by saying things like,
“You know you depend on me. You are lucky to have someone as successful as me in your life. You will never find anyone else who loves you as much as I do.”
Respond by saying,
“I appreciate that you are a successful and loving partner, but I also know my own worth. I contribute a lot to this relationship and I want you to acknowledge that along with your accomplishments.”
This will give the narcissist a lot to think about. By complimenting them while reinforcing your own self-worth, you are showing them respect while demanding some respect for yourself.
Your confident response also affirms your independence, reinforces your boundaries, and challenges the narcissist’s need for control and superiority.
3 Confront Them
Narcissists can be intimidating, but you won’t earn their respect by letting them control you.
If the narcissist doesn’t respect you, let them know and make sure they know how they make you feel and how you want them to act instead.
If the narcissist disrespects you by saying,
“You should dress differently. Your style is too simple and unimpressive,”
Respond by saying,
“While I value your opinion, I have a sense of style that makes me feel confident and comfortable. By saying that, you make me feel embarrassed, and you know how much you hate feeling that way. If you want to influence the way I dress, why don’t we go shopping together and find new styles that we both like?”
Answering this allows you to assert your independence and hold your partner accountable for the negative comments they make.
By expressing the importance of individuality and setting boundaries around personal choices, you challenge their attempts to dictate your appearance to suit their preferences.
This response emphasizes your confidence in making decisions and reinforces the need for mutual respect in the relationship.
4 Challenge Their Ideas
If you’re trying to find solutions to the problem of how to get a narcissist to respect you, try challenging them.
This takes a lot of courage, so pick your battles carefully. You don’t want to challenge them on everything, but you do want them to understand that your opinions are just as valid as theirs and worth considering.
Let’s say you’re at home, discussing a recent development in the political arena, when your partner says, “I’m always right about politics, and I’m smarter than you, so you should listen to me.”
Immediately challenge this assumption by saying, “I admire your confidence, but I also believe that we all have the potential to advance our understanding of these issues.
We can learn from each other by sharing our perspectives on the issue. I want you to value my perspective as much as I value yours. That way, we can engage in respectful dialogue that broadens our horizons.”
By respectfully challenging their opinions and promoting open-mindedness, you demonstrate your ability to think independently of them and encourage them to consider alternative viewpoints.
This approach promotes healthy exchange of ideas, mutual growth, and the potential for a more balanced and respectful dialogue.
5 Be assertive about your accomplishments
Narcissists admire and respect individuals who demonstrate the qualities they want to see in themselves.
Since narcissists want to be successful, handsome, and popular, you’re more likely to gain their respect if you emphasize these traits in yourself.
If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, they’re likely using you to boost their self-esteem and prove their sense of importance.
Strengthen your position by saying,
“This is not about comparing or belittling each other’s successes. I appreciate your support and encouragement, which has helped me achieve my goals, and I hope I can count on you to continue that support as I embark on this new phase in my career.”
This is a much better approach than downplaying your success or seeking validation from the narcissist.
It means that you acknowledge and express your feelings about your accomplishments while showing respect for your partner by acknowledging their contributions.
6 Boost your self-esteem
You can’t expect respect from anyone else if you don’t respect yourself, and the best way to build self-esteem is by nurturing your self-esteem and prioritizing self-care.
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You might decide to take an early morning walk to get ready for the day or spend some time meditating before bed. These techniques will boost your self-esteem and help you contribute positively to the relationship.
Inevitably, your narcissistic partner will challenge you by saying,
“Why are you always spending time with yourself when you should be making more time for us?”
Explain that you need to invest in your own well-being and happiness to bring out the best in the relationship, which you and both of you deserve.
Point out that taking care of yourself gives you the energy and focus you need to achieve greater satisfaction in your life together.
You can even go a step further by saying,
“Perhaps focusing more on your own development and self-care would enhance our relationship even more.”
This approach will boost your self-esteem and encourage your partner to respect your decisions and respect you as an individual, not just an extension of them.
7 Empower Yourself with Knowledge
If your partner has a deep passion for architecture, immersing yourself in the subject can be a powerful way to gain their respect and foster meaningful conversations.
By taking the time and effort to become an expert in architecture, you are not only expanding your understanding, but also demonstrating your commitment to personal growth and intellectual engagement.
As you deepen your knowledge, share your insights and discoveries with your partner. Engage in discussions about architectural wonders, innovative designs, or the societal impact of architectural projects. By showcasing your expertise and genuine passion for the subject, you force your partner to acknowledge and appreciate your intellectual growth.
Not only does this endeavor strengthen your relationship with your partner, it also allows you to develop confidence and a sense of accomplishment in your abilities.
Gaining knowledge in a field that interests your partner demonstrates your dedication, adaptability, and ability to grow.
It puts you in the position of an equal participant in intellectual conversations, and invites respect and admiration from your partner when they recognize your genuine effort and interest in their chosen field.
8 Stay Calm and Composure
Narcissists thrive on drama; when you respond to their provocations, you lose power and respect. If your partner challenges you by saying,
“You’re always so sensitive and easily provoked. Can’t you handle a little criticism?”
Respond calmly but confidently by saying,
“While I appreciate your perspective, criticism is only valuable when it’s constructive. Let’s see if we can find a more positive way to communicate that will enable us to address our differences and come to a mutually satisfactory conclusion.”
Remaining calm and collected demonstrates your emotional stability and refusal to be easily manipulated.
Your response sets the tone for a more productive conversation by making it clear that you will not engage in heated exchanges or allow their attempts to upset you.
This approach can challenge the narcissist’s tactics, as they realize that their attempts to provoke emotional reactions are less effective against your calm demeanor.
Whether this is enough to secure their respect depends on the type of narcissist you’re dealing with.
Studies show that “romantic partners who feel compelled to maintain a grandiose image of themselves by disdainful others are less likely to respect, honor, approve of, or show interest in the person they’re dating.”
If you’re lucky, your partner will be more likely to build themselves up to feel respected, because it makes them more “inclined to show respect to their partners.”
9 Show Empathy (Sometimes)
Narcissists struggle with empathy, and it’s not something they naturally feel, but that doesn’t mean they won’t appreciate it when it’s shown to them.
If the narcissist is struggling with self-doubt or concerns about their image, approach them with genuine empathy rather than dismissing those concerns.
Let’s look at an example:
Your narcissistic partner comes home from work frustrated and disappointed. The project they were working on failed, and they’re afraid that everyone will now think they’re incompetent.
Give them genuine empathy and understanding rather than invalidating their feelings or reveling in their failure.
For example, you might say,
“I understand how disappointed you are that you didn’t get the results you hoped for. It’s natural to worry about how others perceive us. Remember, setbacks happen to everyone, and they don’t define your overall competence. I’m here to support you and help you find ways to learn from this experience and improve.”
In this case, showing empathy may earn you respect, but that’s not always the case. Use your heart carefully, and pick just a few issues when appropriate.
Showing empathy will encourage the narcissist to think only of himself and take advantage of your kindness.
They won’t respect you unless you set boundaries and choose the right time to be compassionate.
10 Value yourself and walk away if necessary
No matter what happens in your relationship, your well-being and self-esteem should always be the top priority.
Sometimes, your best efforts to deal with a relationship with a narcissist may fail, leaving you struggling with a disrespectful, toxic, or unhealthy dynamic.
When all other strategies have been exhausted, and it seems impossible to maintain a healthy balance, it’s time to consider walking away.
Leaving a relationship with a narcissist is not an easy decision, but it can be a courageous and empowering step toward regaining your happiness and self-esteem.
By prioritizing your needs and setting boundaries, you are sending a powerful message to the narcissist that their behavior is unacceptable and that you deserve to be treated with respect and dignity.
This decision to walk away is not a sign of weakness but rather a testament to your strength and self-worth.
It is about recognizing that you deserve to be surrounded by people who value and appreciate you for who you are without constantly undermining your self-esteem.
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