A narcissist may appear confident and successful, but almost everything they do is a defensive tactic designed to keep feelings of inadequacy in check.
After a breakup, these behaviors become more pronounced as the narcissist tries to escape feelings of loss and failure and boost their self-esteem.
To understand what makes a narcissist tick after a breakup, you first need to understand what drew them to the relationship in the first place.
Narcissists target people who have qualities they envy or admire. They expect these people to rescue them from their inner turmoil and free them from their insecurities.
Of course, these expectations are unrealistic, but when the relationship fails, the narcissist will blame you, seeking revenge for the feelings of abandonment and emptiness that the breakup provokes.
Related :What Happens When the Golden Child Wakes Up?
20 Things That Make a Narcissist Act Out After a Breakup
1 Rejection
Narcissists hate rejection because it triggers their deep-seated fear that there is an inferior being who is undeserving of love and affection beneath their grandiose facade.
The narcissist finds any rejection destabilizing and will resort to manipulation tactics and lies to cover up the narcissistic injury.
A rejected narcissistic spouse may resort to reminding you of your guilt to rekindle the relationship, so they can avoid rejection altogether or start a smear campaign against you, twisting the narrative to make you the sole culprit for the breakup.
2 Losing Control
When you break up with a narcissist, you remove yourself from their sphere of influence and reestablish yourself as an independent being.
The narcissist’s selfish needs no longer dictate your thoughts, actions, moods, and feelings.
For a narcissist, this is hell. They see others as mere reflections of themselves, so when they lose control of you, it’s like losing control of an arm or a leg. The narcissist becomes unbalanced and vulnerable.
3 Attention Seeking
Narcissists don’t just crave attention—they depend on it. Without it, their inner insecurities build and they begin to chip away at the grandiose façade.
When you break up with someone, you withdraw your love and attention. For a narcissist, this is painful and devastating.
They will respond by using manipulation tactics to regain that attention.
For example, they may spread rumors about you, claiming that you cheated on them, or take to social media, posting cryptic updates and emotional quotes about betrayal and heartbreak to gain attention and sympathy.
By creating drama, the narcissist shifts the focus back to themselves. They don’t care if they hurt you or damage your reputation as long as they remain in the spotlight.
For the narcissist, attention, even negative attention, is better than being ignored.
4 Validation
Narcissists seek constant validation because without it, their grandiose facade begins to crumble, forcing them to confront their flaws.
After a breakup, their fragile egos are already bruised, amplifying their need for validation. They will look to anyone to validate their feelings, reaffirm their self-worth, and use any number of manipulative tactics to achieve their goals.
For example, a narcissist may play the victim, seeking sympathy and attention from friends and family about the breakup, or try to provoke an emotional response from their ex by posting passive-aggressive comments or provocative photos on social media.
In some cases, a narcissist may even try to trigger guilt and love you back into the relationship to regain control and use you as a source of validation.
5 Revenge
When a narcissist feels hurt or rejected, it triggers a series of painful thoughts, emotions, and feelings. To protect their emotional stability, they seek revenge, through which they can project all of their distress onto you.
A narcissist’s ex may seek revenge by threatening to reveal intimate secrets or photos. This is a type of revenge porn, which researchers believe “caters to the narcissist’s sense of entitlement, grandiosity, and need for ego boosting.”
Related : 12 Examples Of Narcissist Gaslighting in Relationships
Or they may lie to you or launch a smear campaign to devalue you and destroy your reputation.
These acts of revenge serve the narcissist’s need to feel in control, superior, and avenge perceived threats to their ego.
Selfishness
Narcissists are so convinced of their superiority that they may refuse to believe that you want to break up with them.
As far as they’re concerned, they’re the most desirable partner you could ever hope to have, and they may struggle to understand why you’re no longer fascinated by them.
A narcissist who displays selfishness may tell you, “I can’t believe you’d even consider leaving me.
I mean, look at me! I’m successful, attractive, and charming. You’re going through a phase; you’ll soon realize you’ll never find anyone as good as me.”
In their minds, the idea of you rejecting their “perfection” is unreasonable, so they may dismiss your decision to break up as a temporary misunderstanding or emotional upset.
7 Coping Mechanisms
Narcissists rely on bizarre coping mechanisms, all of which involve taking out their negative feelings on someone else.
Instead of self-reflection and emotional regulation, they use projection, (unintentional) manipulation, and blame-shifting to protect their fragile self-esteem and maintain their superiority.
Not only does this behavior avoid accountability, it also undermines your feelings and experiences.
8 New Supply
Narcissists don’t feel real feelings for anyone because they view others as extensions of themselves rather than as independent individuals with their own needs and emotions.
For narcissists, relationships are primarily about meeting their needs for admiration, validation, and control, so once one relationship stops meeting that need, they’ll quickly move on to another.
You may have only broken up on Thursday, but by Sunday, your narcissistic ex will be posting photos of themselves sunbathing next to their new supply!
Consider reading How Narcissists Deal With Old Supply .
9 Lack of Empathy
This is partly due to a lack of empathy that allows narcissists to move on so quickly.
They feel no remorse, guilt, or concern for you—they are completely obsessed with protecting their image and maintaining their narcissistic supply.
If you try to talk to your ex about how you’re feeling after the breakup, they’re likely to be dismissive rather than supportive, saying, “Can we stop talking about this already? I have better things to do.”
Your feelings don’t matter, so unless you’re willing to give your ex the attention they crave, it’s best to walk away.
10 Resistance to Change
Narcissists expect others to change to meet their needs, but they’re not willing to accept change that someone else instigates.
When you break up with someone, you’re changing their life and forcing them out of their comfort zone. This is especially true for a narcissist who relies on you for attention and validation.
Suddenly, their narcissistic supply is no longer available, forcing them to look elsewhere.
This is a risky position for a narcissist whose entire sense of self is based on external validation.
11 Reestablishing Power
Narcissists want to control you even when the relationship ends; that way, they can continue to use you as a narcissistic resource.
After a breakup, the narcissist may try to undermine you or trigger feelings of insecurity or jealousy in order to maintain their power and continue to control your emotions.
Related : 8 unique habits of a low-quality man, according to psychology
Some narcissists will post photos on social media showing themselves enjoying the company of new potential partners.
They will add comments mentioning new romantic prospects and exciting adventures, hoping to provoke jealousy and make you feel like you’re missing out.
12 Projection
Narcissists can’t dwell on their own failings because they refuse to admit that they’re less than perfect. If flaws are brought to their attention, they will quickly project them onto someone else, so they can avoid the shame and anxiety associated with those flaws.
After a breakup, a narcissist may project their own flaws onto you, blame you for the relationship’s collapse, accuse you of cheating, or claim that you were controlling or abusive toward them.
13 Manipulation
Manipulation is a manipulative tactic that many narcissists use to lure their ex back into their orbit so they can continue the cycle of toxic abuse.
They will flatter you with promises of change and declarations of love, apologize for their past mistakes, and appear committed to making the relationship work.
But once they’ve wooed you, they’ll revert to their old behavior patterns, blaming you when conflicts arise and tricking you into believing that you’re responsible for all the problems in the relationship.
14 Inability to Self-Reflection
Part of the reason narcissists project is their inability to self-reflect. They can’t process their negative feelings or learn from past mistakes because that would mean confronting their own shortcomings.
Instead, narcissists blame their partners for the breakup and dismiss any criticism as unfounded.
Once a relationship fails, they will quickly move on to the next one without thinking about what went wrong and why.
As a result, the narcissist is stuck in the same cycle of idealizing, devaluing, and discarding.
15 Denial
The narcissist may refuse to accept that the relationship is over and continue to act as if you are still a young love interest.
When experiencing denial, the narcissist may downplay the seriousness of the situation, accusing you of overreacting to a minor disagreement.
They will continue to reach out to you with emotional messages and may even show up uninvited, trying to lure you in with gifts and promises of change.
16 Ignoring Feelings
Narcissists do not develop deep feelings for anyone, even if they have been in a relationship with them for years.
They view others as mere conveniences. The moment you stop meeting their narcissistic supply, you lose all standing in the narcissist’s eyes, become worthless, and therefore easily disposable.
Related : Do Narcissists Know What They Are Doing?
In this scenario, the narcissist may dismiss your feelings, saying, “You’re irrational.
I can’t take you seriously when you act like this.” They show no interest in discussing the reasons behind the breakup or acknowledging any pain or hurt they may have caused.
17 Obsessed with Image
Some narcissists, especially somatic narcissists, are obsessed with image and status and will go to great lengths to make themselves look good, even after the breakup.
They may play the victim, blaming you for the relationship’s failure and using emotional posts on social media to drum up sympathy and support from their followers.
They will also lie, exaggerate the truth to make themselves look good, and turn you into the villain who sabotages the relationship.
18 Feeling Threatened
If you dump the narcissist first, you are rejecting them, calling into question their perceived superiority and perfection.
Narcissists need to be the center of attention to maintain their inflated self-esteem and sense of self-worth, so when you break up with them, you are dealing a major blow to their fragile ego.
For narcissists, this is a painful narcissistic injury that shatters their carefully crafted illusion of superiority and invincibility.
Rejection and loss lead to a deep sense of humiliation and vulnerability, which they cannot bear.
To protect their fragile ego, they may resort to extreme measures to avoid facing the reality of the breakup.
19 Seeking Empathy
Sympathy is a form of narcissistic supply, and narcissists seek it out eagerly after a breakup.
They may try to make you feel sorry for them because they’re lost without you, or they may try to elicit sympathy from others by making you seem unstable, unfaithful, or abusive.
Narcissists need to be either the hero or the victim, and since there are no heroes in a breakup, they will play the victim instead.
Some narcissists will even make up sad stories to gain your sympathy, telling you that they’re losing their job or going bankrupt, hoping that you’ll feel sorry for them and bail them out.
This tactic is a manipulative way for the narcissist to regain control and maintain an emotional connection to you, even after the breakup.
20 No Ending the Relationship
At the end of a relationship with a narcissist, you may feel confused and overwhelmed by unanswered questions. Having an end to the relationship can help you move on, which is exactly why the narcissist doesn’t offer an end.
By withholding the end, the narcissist keeps you emotionally entangled and vulnerable.
Ending means acknowledging the end of the relationship and accepting responsibility for his or her actions, which conflicts with the narcissist’s need to see himself or herself as flawless and superior.
Denying the end makes you doubt yourself and question the validity of your decision to end the relationship, which reinforces the narcissist’s power and influence over you.
