Social media has brought so much attention to narcissistic behavior that it has become sensationalized.

It’s almost impossible to research information about toxic relationships without encountering something about a narcissist.

Given all the buzz around narcissism, you might think it would be easy to spot a narcissist when you meet them. Unfortunately, it’s not that simple. You may be interacting with a narcissist right now, and you don’t even know it.

The problem is that narcissists are masters at hiding; they don’t want you to know who they really are, after all.

HowNarcissistsHide

Narcissists are very careful to hide who they are and their true intentions. They have to hide these traits. If they didn’t, no one would want to deal with them.

Let’s think about this for a moment. If someone approached you and told you that they were going to manipulate you into entering a relationship and letting them take advantage of you, you would run in the other direction.

Instead of being upfront about who they are, narcissists use several tactics to hide their dark side. Proceed with caution, or you may fall victim to a narcissistic abuser.

The traits below are likely to be a cover for bad intentions.

ExcessiveCharm

Countless social media influencers have warned about the damage caused by relationships with narcissists. They tell stories of horrific behavior, ranging from serial infidelity to verbal and physical abuse.

Given the way narcissists are portrayed on social media, you might think that these people will always be cruel and callous.

While they are likely to display abusive behavior in the future, when you first meet them, they will put on a show.

Related : Don’t Be Fooled By a Narcissist’s Charm Offensive

In the early stages of a relationship with a narcissist, you can expect them to dazzle you with their charming demeanor. They will lavish praise on you and charm you with their charisma.

It doesn’t seem possible for someone who is charming, romantic, and charming to transform into a cold, callous abuser.

Unfortunately, the charming demeanor is a cover for what lies beneath: a selfish manipulator who is willing to take everything you have to offer.

PretendToBeNice

We’ve all heard that narcissists lack empathy, and that’s certainly true. In fact, a lack of empathy is one of the diagnostic criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

While narcissists struggle with empathy, their difficulty lies in recognizing other people’s feelings.

They won’t particularly care about how you feel, and they don’t really have time to consider the negative impact they have on the people around them.

The caveat here is that narcissists have a certain degree of cognitive empathy. Intellectually, they can understand why certain situations are difficult for someone else.

For example, if you’ve lost a loved one, a narcissist understands, on an intellectual level, that this is upsetting.

Because of their ability to cognitively empathize, a narcissist may express their condolences or even go so far as to send flowers to the funeral home.

These actions make the narcissist appear to be a kind and caring person. Unfortunately, it’s all just a facade. The narcissist is trying to present himself as a genuine and friendly person, but he doesn’t feel your pain.

MimickingYourBehavior

Narcissists are very skilled at faking. They pretend to empathize with other people’s struggles and that they have a lot in common with those around them.

To hide their darker traits, narcissists mirror the preferences of others. Early in the relationship, they will act as if they share the same preferences, hobbies, and opinions as you.

They will appear to be deeply interested in your life, and may spend hours talking about your experiences. Without your knowledge, they are gathering data about who you are, so they can pretend to be your ideal partner.

When a narcissist mirrors your behavior, it will seem like you’ve found a real partner. This person loves the same things you do, and their vision of life is the same as yours! Or so it seems.

The narcissist is trying to trick you. He will gain your trust by acting as if he has a lot in common with you. This puts you in a perfect position to fall victim to narcissistic manipulation.

Playing the Victim

The narcissist will also play on your emotions by pretending to be the victim. He will have dozens of stories from his past where someone took advantage of him or hurt him.

For example, he may talk about past business deals that went wrong because someone didn’t keep their word. Or he may have sad stories about how his ex-partners broke their hearts.

The narcissist is excellent at playing the victim, ignoring the details of his mistakes. He will convince you that he is an innocent, kind person who was deeply hurt by others.

This makes the narcissist seem weak and harmless, and helps him gain your sympathy. If you are determined not to hurt the narcissist the way he claims to have been hurt in the past, you will do everything you can to meet his needs.

Playing the victim makes the narcissist seem like someone who just needs your support, not the calculated manipulator that he is.

Appearing Caring

Narcissists are aware of the traits that earn them the trust and admiration of others, and they will mimic these traits to hide their true intentions.

A narcissist may agree to help a coworker, donate to charity, or give back to the community in some way, but they don’t really care about helping others.

A narcissist displays altruistic behaviors not because they are naturally kind and helpful, but because they know how these behaviors will enhance their reputation.

Related : Six Reasons Narcissists Suddenly Go Silent

By appearing to give out of the goodness of their heart, a narcissist has a better chance of getting people to believe their games.

How to See Behind the Mask

The bottom line is that narcissists wear a mask, allowing them to hide in plain sight. By being overly charming and pretending to be selfless, they can gain the trust and affection of others.

To protect yourself, it’s important to see through these behaviors. If you spend enough time around a narcissist, they will eventually crumble, allowing their true colors to emerge.

However, it’s best to be able to spot narcissistic traits early on, so you can distance yourself before they attract you.

It may be time to stop if you’ve just met someone and they’re showering you with attention and compliments. Sure, some people are friendly, but if it’s over the top, you may be dealing with a narcissist.

This is especially true if you notice other traits of narcissism. If a narcissist is trying to wear a mask, they may still be letting some subtle signs slip.

For example, you’ll likely notice that they take any opportunity to talk about their talents and accomplishments. If you start the conversation with a topic that has nothing to do with them, they will find a way to bring the conversation back to themselves.

You will also notice that they expect their needs to be met and will not respond well to being told no. Test it out: refuse to give in to one of their requests or set a boundary and see how they react.

If your refusal leads to anger, you are dealing with a narcissist. Don’t let them hide any longer.