Narcissists are charming and outgoing, so they are very attractive. They are able to charm and win everyone over, making them seem like the perfect partner.
On the surface, a narcissist may seem quite attractive. They have a charming degree of charisma and a million stories about how superior and accomplished they are.
The problem is that you can’t take a narcissist at face value. Beneath the surface and facade they present to the rest of the world is a hidden agenda. This agenda promises to leave you wounded if you let it.
What is a Narcissist’s Hidden Agenda?
So, what are the things on a narcissist’s hidden agenda? You can bet that some or all of the goals below make the list.
1 Gain Validation and Appreciation
A narcissist may present himself as a genuine person, seeking a committed relationship. In reality, that’s not what he’s after.
Related : The Hidden Objectives Narcissists Don’t Want You to Know
If a narcissist welcomes you into his life, it’s because he sees you as a source of narcissistic supply. This is the term for people who want to serve the narcissist, comply with their every demand, and feed their ego.
Your sole role in a narcissist’s life is to shower them with attention and feed their belief that they are superior to those around them. Narcissists depend on this attention and admiration for their survival, and they will do anything they can to get it.
Since a narcissist seeks endless validation and praise, they will likely get it in multiple places. So, don’t convince yourself that you are the only important person in their life.
2 Maintain Control
Narcissists feel an intense need to control others. Asserting dominance helps them maintain their inflated egos. It also reinforces their superiority complex and helps them avoid shame and self-doubt.
In your interactions with a narcissist, most of their behaviors will center around their need for power and control.
They will maintain this control through manipulation tactics, such as insulting you to make you feel inferior, convincing you that you are crazy, and giving you just enough attention to keep you addicted, only to withdraw it whenever they see fit.
3 Reputation Management
Narcissists need to maintain a positive reputation. They want to appear confident, superior, and self-assured.
If anyone knew who the narcissist is on the inside, the narcissist would feel devastated. They will do anything to avoid appearing weak and vulnerable, so they can’t tell anyone how inadequate they feel beneath the surface.
To maintain their perfect public image, the narcissist will make sure to exaggerate their accomplishments and brag about their successes. At the same time, they will downplay their flaws and make it clear that they are superior to those around them.
They may downplay the accomplishments of others to make themselves feel better. They will also play the victim whenever they are accused of doing something wrong so that they never appear to be the bad person.
4 Exploiting Others
Narcissists view others as objects to use. They don’t have a lot of empathy, so they won’t feel remorse for using you for their own benefit.
A narcissist will invite you into their life because they see you as someone who can meet one or more of their many needs.
Related ; 9 Ways To Stop Attracting Narcissists
They may use you for money, recognition, or to advance their career. They may promise to return the favor, but they never do.
A narcissist may also pretend to want a relationship with you, but this is only because they have a hidden agenda: to take what they can from you.
Once the narcissist is done with what you have to offer, they will move on, without feeling remorse for taking advantage of you.
5 Using Triangulation
When a narcissist pursues you, they may use you as part of a game called triangulation. This is when the narcissist uses a third party as a form of manipulation.
Think about this example. The narcissist has a conflict with their partner, and they want the person to feel jealous. They may start pursuing you and using you to manipulate their partner.
They may tell their partner how much they love them or even claim that they think their partner is wrong. Convinced that this third party agrees with the narcissist, the other party’s self-esteem will suffer.
The ultimate goal of triangulation is to manipulate interactions within the relationship using a third party. Bringing a third party into the relationship allows the narcissist to appear to have someone else’s support.
Triangulation can also be used to make others feel jealous. Ultimately, the third party creates feelings of insecurity, guilt, or confusion, making people more likely to give in to the narcissist’s demands.
For example, if a male narcissist tells his girlfriend that a female friend agrees with him, the girlfriend may feel jealous. Fearing that the girlfriend will become a rival, the girlfriend will comply with whatever the narcissist wants.
Why Narcissists Use Hidden Agendas
People with narcissistic traits rely on hidden agendas. They will not make many friends if they are upfront about their intentions.
Furthermore, because narcissists lack genuine empathy and care little about the needs of others, they have difficulty forming genuine social relationships.
Instead of presenting their true selves to the world, narcissists pretend to be caring and kind. They may promise you everything, but they have no intention of delivering on their promises.
Essentially, narcissists have a hidden agenda that revolves around boosting their ego, gaining praise and admiration, and manipulating others to their advantage.
Narcissists must do these things because their survival depends on external validation. Internally, they are fragile, empty, and unsure of themselves.
Related : Secret Tricks Narcissists Use to Pretend They Love You
Getting validation and exercising control over others makes the narcissist feel superior, and protects them from the feelings of inferiority that lurk beneath the surface.
Seeing Beyond the Hidden Agenda
Dealing with a narcissist makes you vulnerable to their hidden agendas, but you can protect yourself.
First, look for patterns. Does this person seem to dominate every conversation, always pointing out their accomplishments? Do they constantly ask you for favors but rarely offer to help you?
If so, you’re probably dealing with a narcissist. In this case, you can be sure they have a hidden agenda because all narcissists do.
You may be aware of their patterns if you’re in a relationship with one. Maybe your gut is telling you that something is wrong, but you don’t want to accept it.
Don’t waste your time giving a narcissist a chance. They will never waste their time on you, and you deserve to surround yourself with people who are transparent about their intentions.
