Being involved with a narcissist is a dangerous game. Some people compare it to swimming in a pool of water; the longer you swim, the deeper you get.
Suddenly, you’re in a place you don’t know, tired and nowhere near the shore.
The tricks narcissists have up their sleeves are endless, and many of them involve telling you how much they love you.
Don’t fall for them!
Instead – read these secret tricks they have so you can always stay one step ahead of their manipulative tactics.
KeepingYouAddicted
Because narcissists are so skilled at lying – they will do whatever it takes to keep you addicted.
Related : Healing from PTSD After Narcissistic Abuse ( Survivors Guide)
Keeping you addicted means you can’t swim to safer shores where you feel more appreciated and loved. Instead, they put you where they want you.
They will tell you everything you want to hear when they feel you’re drifting away. They want you close so you can keep telling them how great they are and how you’d do anything for them.
Remember – you’re not the only one they lie to. They also lie to themselves every day when they convince themselves that they’re not the problem. This is a great cover-up for the truth – something you need to know.
Money Over Time
The classic sign that you’re involved with a narcissist is the money that comes your way.
Whether they’re treating you to a fancy dinner, taking you on a nice vacation or offering you money to spend as you please – they use it to replace love.
Love simply doesn’t exist for them, as it does for everyone else. They can’t give you time because they don’t want to.
They’d much rather say, “Here’s something I can hold against you later, and you’ll take it because it’s the most tempting currency I have.”
To a narcissist – money is love. Reality is fake, and fake is reality – they don’t know the difference, and they don’t expect you to either.
Excuse After Excuse
“I had a hard time growing up.”
“I do this because of my past.”
“I am who I am, and I will never be different.”
Have you heard all this before? I bet you have. It’s the same thing every narcissist says because they all operate the same way. Once you spot one – you can spot them all.
Their excuses come from what they want you to believe is a sore spot. They use them to do, say, or act with you as they please, but they act like it’s all coming from a place of love.
If a narcissist is feeding you excuses, they’re doing it to convince you that they’re not the problem and over time, you’ll start using the same excuses to defend them when they question you.
Related : 12 Biggest Mistakes That Allow Narcissists to Control You
This is an old tactic, but it helps them manipulate you and keep you the person they never see for who they really are.
This is not love.
LiesWithoutLimits
Lies are used to get people out of trouble.
“It wasn’t me.”
Accompanied by an innocent smile – who wouldn’t believe that if it was accompanied by a slight smirk and a pathetic furrow of the brow?
A narcissist knows exactly what they’re doing, and how to do it most effectively.
They lie, and if they’re really smart, they may actually remember some of their lies. However, when it comes to love, no lie is off limits.
This is to gloss over their mistakes or inappropriate comments to make you think they love you because they don’t want to lose what you have to offer.
TheirPastIsWhatLeadThemToYou
“Nobody has ever accepted or loved me the way you do.”
“You understand me like no one else.”
“Only you understand me.”
“I can’t lose you, not after everything I’ve been through.”
“This connection is amazing.”
“I’ve never felt this way before.”
“You’re my soulmate.”
The list goes on and on—but it all boils down to one motive:
The narcissist refuses to let you go, and they’ll use their past to pretend, like a big, grandiose love story, that you two are destined to meet and understand each other as deeply as you do.
This is a fairy tale, and it’s one they love to tell to garner sympathy and compassion.
If they feel compassion, they have successfully put themselves in the role of victim.
Trauma Bond
Narcissists are experts at creating trauma bonds. This is because trauma bonds are inconsistent, and narcissists thrive on inconsistency. They play on them as if they were fuel for their minds, and as a result, they can suffer.
Related : 8 Things Narcissists Say When They Lie To You
In a healthy relationship, bonding happens over time, with honesty and empathy intertwined.
Trauma bonds stem from unhealthy dynamics—usually involving the abuser and the abused—but they will manifest as love to those seeking any form of attachment.
Attachment is not love, and the idea of “not being able to live without someone” is not love. We can all live without people, but the way they make us believe we can’t forms the basis of the trauma bond.
Attachment in the Moment
Narcissists are so fascinated by their new supply at the beginning of a relationship.
Everything is new, and they have a completely new source of supply. Someone who hangs on every word they say, and believes everything they say.
This is a great time to identify who the narcissist wants to be with (little does the victim know…)
You will be convinced that this person loves you more than anyone else, but that all changes once the attachment phase is over.
Don’tFallIntoTheLoveBomb
Using gifts, words, physical affection, or gestures are all ways a narcissist can love bomb.
If you’ve been love bombed, you’ll know how intense it feels to be in such blissful moments of pure heaven. You feel like an angel has rescued you and swept you away.
You may be swept off your feet, but you haven’t been swept away – you’ve been pushed.
Love bombing is addictive, just as much for them as it is for you, meaning you fail to see the bad moments for what they are because you’ll be too busy falling in love with their flowers, chocolates and empty promises.
Wooing you and making you feel appreciated through excessive flattery, compliments, constant sharing of feelings and showering you with gifts you don’t want or need is how they attract you and tie you down tightly.
