It’s easy to make mistakes when dealing with narcissists. Sometimes, they open a trap and let you walk right in. What does the lure of walking into something you can’t see right in front of you do?
It lets you slip!
What happens next?
The narcissist takes complete control of you.
You see, narcissists thrive on control. The more control they have, the more powerful they feel. Since they can’t get power from themselves or their own abilities, they turn to you as a source of supply.
What are the 12 biggest mistakes you can make that allow narcissists to control you?
Let’s take a look.
1 Trust Them
Trusting a narcissist is the biggest mistake you can make.
There is no way to trust a narcissist. You may think otherwise, but you’ve likely been manipulated into assuming that you can. They are not your safe space, and once they sense your trust, they exploit it, take advantage of it, and eventually break it completely.
Related : Can Narcissists Change Their Behavior if They Really Wanted to?
You’re left to find out the hard way.
2 They Believe They Will Change
Narcissists are incapable of changing, because change only happens when a person is able to reflect on themselves and notice the errors of their ways.
A key characteristic of narcissism in general is their exaggerated sense of self; nothing can touch them, and no one can bring them down. They see no problem, and this is devastatingly destructive to everyone around them, who inadvertently give their energy and affection to the narcissist. This is because they can’t provide anything for themselves.
Believing that this will change is a big mistake – they will not. They will always be the same, and if anything, they have been known to get worse as they age. The controlling aspect comes from living by their rules and beliefs, not yours.
The narcissist makes himself bigger than everyone else around him, and that is where his control lies.
3 Forgive Them
If you forgive them, what happens next?
They’ve hurt you again, and again, and again.
They’ve controlled that pain by bombarding you with intermittent love to woo you back and tell you how great you are, but only after you’ve been hurt by their hurtful actions for a while.
In forgiveness lies a living permission for them to control you.
4 Assume They’re Telling the Truth
Taking what a narcissist says as absolute truth means you’re inviting yourself into very rough territory. Walking a risky path puts you in a vulnerable position, because you can be pushed around at any time.
A narcissist won’t hesitate to push you around if it means they’re still standing, so they’ll lie and lie, and assuming these lies are truths is a huge mistake.
They think they can control you and maintain that control.
They will, as long as you let them.
5 Take the Blame
Yes, any narcissist loves someone else to take the blame, so they don’t have to.
They can control the narrative if you raise your hands and defend them. They’ll put you where they want you, and they’ll keep you there for as long as possible.
Is that something you’re willing to put up with? It would be a mistake if you did.
6 Apologize or Justify Yourself
Apologizing even if you didn’t do anything wrong is your way of keeping the peace. It can also mean that you’ve been misled into believing that you were the one causing the upset, which is what a narcissist who controls the narrative will do, weaving more lies and deception to trap you in an untrue trap.
If you find yourself repeatedly apologizing or justifying yourself when you do something they don’t like, ask yourself why they don’t like it instead of assuming that what you did was so terrible.
7 Lower Your Guard
Narcissists will always put themselves first, and if you don’t set boundaries, they’ll take advantage of you. Even with boundaries, they will still try to take advantage of you.
Letting your guard down is like giving them a key to your deepest vulnerabilities and thoughts. Once they’re inside, they’ll set up camp and claim it as their territory.
Eventually, you’ll find that your vulnerabilities have been completely eroded because they claim they’re so special that they have the right to know everything about you.
Related : 8 Things Narcissists Say When They Lie To You
No one should control you that way.
8 Tell them your secrets
Your secret is never safe with a narcissist. They’ll make you feel all sorts of special for getting to know them, and once they do, they’ll run to the first person who’s waiting to hear what’s said.
As long as a narcissist has an audience, they will use your news and secrets to fuel and feed their ego.
If you confront them about this, they will immediately pretend they don’t know what you’re talking about, and may even trick you into believing that you’re the one who’s been telling people about yourself.
9 Ask for or Accept Money
One of the biggest mistakes is asking for money from a narcissist, or accepting it in any form. Not only is it a conditional surrender cloaked in kindness and sincerity, it will also count against you in as many ways as the narcissist can muster.
Related : What Happens When Narcissists Don’t Get Their Way?
“I lent you this money, what thanks will I get?”
“You owe me!”
“I can’t see how you can smile like that when you know I need this money back.”
The list goes on.
Time and time again, a narcissist uses money to control their victims, so any offer they receive should be firmly rejected before everyone knows how poor and inconsiderate they are.
10 Accept Their Help
Narcissists will offer their help when they know you need it.
Not because they are good, but because they know they will be seen by others as good people with strong, compassionate values.
The truth is, narcissists don’t care what they do to help, but they expect you to be forever indebted to them, thanking them at every opportunity to make them look bigger and better than before. This control is a way to shine a positive light on them, and for that reason alone.
11 Show Your Feelings
Emotions are pools of the soul, and if you’re not careful, your emotions will attract the person who can’t swim, the narcissist. They will fall in, create chaos, and stir up all sorts of discomfort inside.
Mistakes can be made when letting narcissists control your emotions because they make you think you’re too weak to control them yourself.
Things like:
“You need me.”
“I would be angry/upset/sad/if I were you.”
They can all control your emotions, and therefore control you.
12 Expect an Apology
No one is as averse to an apology as a narcissist.
They may apologize inadvertently by saying things like, “I’m sorry you feel that way,” but they will never apologize for causing it.
This is a way to control you and make you feel like you don’t deserve an apology. From a perverse perspective, it seems like they never did anything wrong in the first place. If they did, they would apologize, right?
Wouldn’t they…?
