Imagine a football game where the goalposts are constantly being moved so that you can never score a goal, no matter how many times you try.

Narcissists will tell you the rules of the game, then change them as you play. Just when you think you’re close to getting their approval, they change them.

This is exactly what it’s like to live with a narcissist – and why you’ll never be good enough in their eyes.

To avoid feeling inadequate means you have to look closely at why they’re making you feel like you’re not good enough.

Remember – you’re not the problem.

Everything’s Roses in the Beginning

Ah, the sweet, sweet encounter between you and your Mr./Mrs. Perfect. They meet all your requirements and more – something you never thought possible.

Related : What to Say to a Narcissist When You Leave Them?

They’re compatible, they make you feel warm, wanted and loved, and they never hesitate when it comes to showering you with compliments and showering you with glamorous promises.

Life seems great. It will always be that way. The narcissist has made you happy. If it stayed like this forever, it would be like living in a fairy tale, wouldn’t it?

This is how a narcissist draws you in, leaving you feeling like you’re with them for the rest of your life. Once that initial period has been established, they have what it takes to start shrinking you.

Change – Realization

It won’t be long before the flattery wears off and the charm wears off, as the narcissist’s mask begins to slip.

What’s being replaced is a constant need for your constant admiration. They want your praise and attention, and they love everything you give them, as long as they need it.

You realize that there’s another cost that comes with it – your feeling of inadequacy.

You ask yourself, “Why don’t I feel good enough? What happened to make me feel this way?”

The answer isn’t obvious at first, but of course, it all starts to make sense when you see why – it’s them.

Narcissists have learned how to demand something from you and criticize the way you’re delivering it. They’ll find any reason or excuse to complain that what you did wasn’t what they asked.

“What did I do?”

Let’s get one thing straight – you didn’t do anything wrong. They want you to think you did it – but you didn’t.

The narcissists are solely to blame, and they expect you to play their games and dance to the beat of their drum, but how can that be possible when they are constantly changing the rhythm and pace?

All you did was listen to them and try to give them something to make them happy, and suddenly it’s your fault. In your confused state, they plant the blame.

They crave and demand control.

Want to know why?

They don’t like your success

Why do they do it? If they succeed, it means one thing:

They’re not!

To them, there’s not enough room for two people to attract attention, so one of you has to go.

Imagine scoring that goal, with the team’s goal still intact. They’d be horrified! At least this way, you’d still be unsuccessful, and you’d feel bad about yourself.

Don’t expect them to admit to moving any goalposts because all they will do is call you crazy and laugh in your face.

TheyWantYouToNeverBeConfident

Staying confused means you remain unconfident – ​​and that’s exactly what narcissists want. They want you to sit in uncertainty and own it. Instead of finding your way back to a path of calm and reassurance.

Narcissists love to tell a story, but only if it’s theirs. If you’re confused, they can rewrite the whole thing to work in their favor – leaving you with nowhere else but more confusion.

Related : What Not to Do When You Want to Shut Down a Narcissist

Manipulation works for them because they can then see future incidents working in their favor as they remind you of how helpless you are.

TheyEnjoyAccusingYouofNotListening

While the finger is pointing at you, it’s not pointing at the person pointing. If the narcissist feels like you’re not listening to them or giving them what they need, they’ll tell you how disappointed they are.

What’s That Triggering?

A healthy dose of guilt – when in reality you did everything you could to help.

This is where they all get their way – telling everyone they don’t feel appreciated. You end up being the bad guy, and they end up being the victim.

What’s missing?

Nothing! You are a whole person, with a whole heart. The only thing missing is any kind of empathy from the narcissist.

You will never feel like you’ve accomplished anything, no matter how hard you try to do it.

Maintaining a healthy distance will give you the time and space to realize that the problem lies in the game they are playing with you.

The game is not you.

Once you separate yourself from this twisted game, you can regain control and reclaim your self-worth.

AvoidGettingSuckedIntoTheirGames!

It’s time to see the narcissist for who they really are and avoid getting sucked into their games any longer.

Writing a list of all the things you love to do and are good at is a great start, and adding the qualities you love about yourself. You are reminding yourself of your value, and a narcissist will never do that for you.

Think about it…

Do you even need external validation?

Starting to work on ways to listen to your heart and mind instead of relying on anyone else to provide it is the only way to go. When it comes to a narcissist, you will wait a lifetime to hear how important you are to them.

Why wait? When can you tell yourself today?

NarcissistsCan’tBeIgnored

The time you see narcissists for who they really are is when everything changes. You see their truth and understand that every motive has consequences that have only worked to their advantage so far.

This can change and transform the moment you see the injustice. If you feel inadequate, start not seeing yourself as the problem because you are not at all.