So… the time has come when you can no longer tolerate the toxic effects of being with a narcissist, and you’ve decided that you want to leave.
Leaving a narcissist is never going to be as straightforward as walking away from a healthy relationship. You’ll be pushed and pulled in all directions as they reject your intention to leave, but – there is hope.
Knowing what to say to a narcissist when you leave them will help you know that you’ve made the right choice.
So… what can you say?
Let’s find out!
TheLessTheBetter!
Narcissists love to use your words against you, so the less you say, the less ammunition they have when you tell them you’re leaving.
Keep to a minimum, and try not to reveal too much emotion with those words.
You’ve reached this point over time, and you’re bound to feel like all your feelings are bubbling to the surface. Staying calm and saying nothing is the only way to do it.
TellThemYouDon’tHaveAPlan
If you do have a plan, rest assured that the narcissist will come up with their own plan in response. They will put obstacles in your way if you are going somewhere. If you are planning to meet someone, they will stand between you and force the conflict the entire time while remaining the “innocent party.”
Related : 9 Ways Narcissists Punish You
Telling a narcissist what you are going to do next will feel like an open invitation for them to destroy whatever you have been putting off.
Ending a relationship always signals the beginning of a new chapter, so if you want to take some time to work on yourself, meet more friends, start new hobbies – they don’t need to know about that at all.
Tell them you don’t have a plan for what comes next – and stick to it.
“No hope for reconciliation”
Surprising a narcissist by telling them you are leaving them will trigger all their insecurities (trust me, there are a lot of them), and this will only inflame the narcissist’s anger.
You may find that this includes publicly blaming you, negatively branding you in a smear campaign, telling your family and friends that you were the problem – the list goes on.
Telling them directly that there is no hope for reconciliation will still have these devastating consequences, but you are putting a full stop to your relationship.
There is no such thing as a breakup when it comes to narcissism.
You have made your decision, there is no going back or trying again, and they need to be told that clearly and concisely.
“Please Don’t Contact Me”
This can be difficult for some people – you need to make it clear to them that the “no contact” that should happen after a breakup with a narcissist is a good thing for them to hear.
Will they listen? Probably not. Remember who you are dealing with here – someone who has no boundaries and doesn’t care about your wishes. If I could put a mark below zero, I would!
This is why – you will find that they try to contact you after a breakup several times. Even when things have calmed down and you think they are over it, they will show up via text or email, or maybe even as a friend request on social media.
Understanding what you have asked of them will help you continue your journey of moving on from them. Tell them firmly that you don’t want to hear from them, and give them the same response.
Life only gets better when you completely cut them off.
BeClear – “I don’t want this anymore”
If a narcissist senses your insecurity – they will play on it. If they see you wavering, they will give you words. It doesn’t matter what those words are, because the narcissist will choose them carefully.
Related : 5 Reasons Why Narcissists Call You A Narcissist
“You don’t mean it.”
“You’re just confused.”
“You need some time for yourself.”
No.
You need to break free from this toxic experience – and you need to make it as clear as possible that you don’t want to be in the relationship anymore.
They won’t like it – but that’s their problem to fight for – not yours.
Setting firm boundaries to protect yourself in the event of a breakup with a narcissist will be met with resistance, but if you already know that, you can prepare for it.
WishThemWell
Of course – you never stopped being a good person. Good people wish their exes well, even if they were treated badly.
You want to see them win, but not at your table.
They may not like wishing the narcissist well, but it will ease the drama they will inevitably create when they hear the news that they no longer need you as their breadwinner and are now under their thumb.
You want to end things based on your values, not theirs. Wishing them the best for the future is heartwarming, knowing that you closed the book with a good heart.
TellThemYouWon’tTolerateGuilt
Covert narcissists are particularly adept at making innocent people feel bad, so if you’re dating one, you’ll remember all the times they’ve put you down and made you apologize without really knowing what you’re apologizing for.
Telling them you won’t tolerate guilt puts you one step ahead of their game and makes them realize you know their tactics. Yes, they can try, but no, it won’t work.
You’ll feel empowered!
TellThemWhyIfYouMust
Every time they give in to their desperation to see you and feel inclined to respond, tell them why you’re ending things.
“I’m tired of being treated this way.”
“You’re not who I thought you were.”
“I can’t see myself doing this with you for the rest of my life.”
If it gets to the point where they need to know you’ve got it, tell them.
WhatYouCanDo:
Stay cool and calm. You don’t want a final tantrum or argument when you break up. That’s not what you came here for.
Leave your emotions out of it. Don’t get upset when you do this – remember how strong you are.
Prepare. Practice what you’re going to say. Use your knowledge of the narcissist to get everything in order mentally and emotionally.
Know that you deserve better.
