Being with a narcissist is not easy. What started out as a fairy tale quickly turns into your worst nightmare.

If you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, you’ve likely been subjected to name-calling, cold and violent behavior, and a variety of other forms of emotional abuse.

It’s almost impossible to escape such a relationship unscathed. You may even worry that after being with a narcissist, you’ll turn into a narcissist.

Could this happen? Does dating a narcissist make you a narcissist? Being with a narcissist will certainly affect you negatively, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll become a narcissist yourself.

Let’s explore this in more detail below.

Effects of Being with a Narcissist

Relationships with narcissists take a toll on your emotional well-being. You’re controlled and manipulated, and you quickly begin to lose your sense of independence and self-esteem.

The emotional abuse you endure will change you. You’re likely to become insecure, prone to mood swings, and unable to trust others.

Related : 9 Reasons Why Narcissists Need Their Flying Monkeys

So, does this mean you’ve become a narcissist? Not at all. It simply means that you’ve been negatively affected by narcissistic abuse, and you’re exhibiting its symptoms.

CanYouLearnFromTheirBehavior?

Narcissists use a specific set of defense mechanisms. For example, they tend to shift blame onto others rather than taking responsibility for their mistakes. They also engage in projection by attributing their negative traits to others.

Additional defense mechanisms can include manipulation, where the narcissist convinces you that you’re crazy or remembering things incorrectly. Finally, narcissists are likely to defend themselves through grandiosity. This is when they exaggerate their strengths and accomplishments to appear superior to others.

After witnessing this behavior from a narcissist, you may pick up on their key strategies. They can become so familiar to you that you learn to anticipate them during any argument or conflict.

However, learning the patterns of a narcissist doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll repeat them. More likely, once you know what to expect, you’ll be prepared to defend yourself against abusive behavior.

If They Call You a Narcissist, It’s Probably Projection

What if a narcissist accuses you of being a narcissist? Does that mean you’ve become one yourself?

You probably haven’t become one. A real narcissist is probably projecting their own flaws onto you. On some level, they know that their behavior is causing problems.

Despite this realization, they can’t take responsibility for their flaws. Instead of acknowledging it, they may accuse you of being a narcissist. This distracts from them and leaves your head spinning as you wonder if you’re the problem.

The Concept of Reactive Abuse

When you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, you may eventually start to react. You may have endured endless fights, constant accusations, and repeated insults.

You may have given your all to the relationship, putting your own life on pause to accommodate the narcissist’s desires. Eventually, this takes its toll on you, and you may be ready to react.

Consider this example. You’ve been dating a narcissist for nine months. It all started out perfect, and he seemed like your perfect soulmate. He told you how wonderful you were and promised you a happy future together.

After a few months, he changed completely. He started lashing out at you angrily and blaming you for his behavior. He also stopped showering you with attention, and sometimes he barely acknowledged you all day.

Despite all this, you did your best to please the narcissist. The cold, cruel behavior doesn’t stop no matter how hard you try. They continue to blame you for all their problems, and call you horrible names during every disagreement.

Finally, you explode. Instead of sitting back and accepting their abuse, you insult them in return. You call them all the names you can think of, and tell them they are miserable and disgusting people.

Does this mean you’ve turned into a narcissist? Absolutely not! You’re showing signs of reactive abuse, which occurs when someone who has been consistently abused starts fighting back to defend themselves.

Sometimes, narcissists will deliberately push your buttons, tormenting you until you finally break. When you finally explode, they accuse you of being the abuser. This allows them to control your mind, so they can get their way with you.

Thinking About Signs of Narcissism

If you’re still worried that being with a narcissist will turn you into one, it’s important to look at the signs of narcissism. If you don’t show these signs, you haven’t turned into a narcissist.

Related : 8 Reasons Why Narcissists Struggle with Honesty

You may have changed in response to the abuse you’ve experienced, but that doesn’t mean you’ve turned into a narcissist. Check out the signs below to reassure yourself.

Lack of Empathy

Do you find it hard to recognize other people’s feelings? Do you find it hard to feel for others who are going through a tough time? If so, you may be suffering from a lack of empathy, a trait of narcissists.

Struggling to empathize with your narcissistic partner doesn’t count. It’s normal that after enduring their abuse, you no longer feel sorry for them. If you maintain empathy for others, you’re less likely to turn into a narcissist.

Feeling Entitled

Do you feel like you should get what you want in all situations, regardless of how it affects others? Are you willing to exploit others to get what you want, because you feel entitled to do so?

These are the core traits of a narcissist. If you don’t find yourself exploiting others to get what you want, or believing that you should always get what you want, then you’re probably not a narcissist.

Desire for attention and admiration

Narcissists want to be recognized as superior to others. They also believe that they are special and deserving of constant attention and admiration.

If you notice that you need attention from others, this could be a sign of narcissism, especially if you exhibit other signs. On the other hand, if you lack this trait, you probably aren’t a narcissist.

Conclusion

It’s not uncommon for people to worry that being with a narcissist will turn them into one. However, it’s actually unlikely that a relationship with a narcissist will cause someone to become one.

After all, narcissism is a diagnosable personality disorder. It often develops in response to a combination of factors, including genetics and childhood trauma. People don’t generally catch personality disorders like they would a cold.

However, being with a narcissist is likely to expose you to some unhealthy behavior patterns. You may become aware of these patterns, but that doesn’t mean you’ll adopt them yourself.

A relationship with a narcissist will definitely change you. Your self-esteem will suffer, and you may start to doubt yourself. You may also be using unhealthy coping skills because you are stuck in survival mode.

This does not mean that you have fundamentally changed your personality to the point where you are now a narcissist. You are simply reacting to the environmental circumstances around you.