Narcissists have a desire to control you, which weakens any support structure you have. It’s easy to make excuses for your narcissistic partner, because you don’t want to be hurt or don’t want to face the truth.
Narcissists want to be admired. They thrive on control and power. They will play people against you, giving them more leverage over you and strengthening their power and control in the relationship.
How do they do it? How do they have the ability to turn people against you, your closest friends, and maybe even family members? Here are the top 9 ways narcissists turn people against you.
1 Provoke You
Narcissists will find something about you, and they will try to provoke you to get a reaction. With constant prodding, you may eventually turn around and say something they can use against you to make you look bad in front of your family and friends.
They may use anything about you. They may keep saying that you’re overweight, or tease you about your job and how it’s not prominent enough.
Constant provocation is enough to eventually wear anyone down, and when you blow up and fight back, they can use that to turn others against you. They will share information with your family and friends, making you look bad.
2 They encourage you to criticize others
They are masters of manipulation; without realizing it, they can encourage you to criticize others.
They may say something in a group, and you agree halfheartedly, perhaps to keep the peace and avoid an argument. They will use this to tell people how you criticized them, turning them against you.
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When it comes to family and friends, you build strong bonds based on trust and honesty. When a friend or family member hears you criticize, they will not want to be around you and will spend less time with you. This, in turn, is exactly what the narcissist wants.
3 Twist the truth
We know that narcissists are not honest people, and they have the ability to twist the truth to their advantage. They use this to turn others against you, so you feel isolated and alone. Twisting the truth comes naturally to narcissists who are masters of deception and use information to their advantage.
It could be anything you say. By twisting the truth, a narcissist can gain control over your friendships and family relationships, turning others against you.
We all rely on our friends and family, and by twisting the truth, a narcissist removes your support base, leaving you feeling worthless and isolated.
4 Shifting the blame
A narcissist needs to look and feel important. They see themselves as superior to everyone else, including their partner. If they do something that they can be blamed for, they will shift the blame, making you look like the guilty party.
They can do this so easily and naturally that no one questions them or their motives. By shifting the blame onto you, they can slowly strip away your friends and family, turning others against you.
This is a devastating blow to anyone in a relationship with a narcissist. You become so attached to their life and meeting their needs that by the time you realize your friends and family no longer call you, it’s too late.
5 Exaggerating Your Flaws
Even if you’ve been in a relationship with your narcissistic partner for years, they won’t hesitate to talk bad about you to get what they want or need.
Remember, it’s all about them and their moods, goals, and needs. They have no empathy, they don’t see anything wrong with lying, and they won’t hesitate to use you as a stepping stone to get where they want to be.
Everyone has some flaws, but your narcissistic partner will quickly identify your flaws and then exaggerate them in front of others. This is done to make others feel sorry for them and slowly turn them against you.
When they can get others to turn against you, they win, they’re on top, and they have the control they so desperately need.
6 Playing the Victim
When the narcissist notices that things aren’t going as planned or they’re not getting the results they want using their usual manipulation tactics, they play the victim. Surprisingly, they can pull this card at any time, and they know how to play the victim.
This can lead people to feel sorry for the narcissist, and blame you for their wrongdoing. Others will think differently of you when the narcissist continues to play the victim. The more they victimize others, the more likely they are to turn against you.
7 Gossiping
Gossiping is something narcissists are great at. It gives them the upper hand. It allows them to connect with others, gain admiration, and be welcomed into their social circles.
Gossiping is not good for you. They will share your secrets and stories with others, and may even twist the truth a little to turn others against you.
Their need for control and superiority trumps everything else. The narcissist will do whatever it takes to turn those around you against you, which allows them to maintain control over you and your actions.
8 Smear Campaign
Smear campaigns are one of the many tactics narcissists use to turn others against you. This is done skillfully over time, causing more and more people to share the lies they have come up with about you. Unfortunately, news travels quickly, making smear campaigns an easy way for narcissists to gain control.
When they are on a smear campaign to turn others against you, they will work hard to share the information with those closest to you.
They want to tear down your support structure, which means so much to you, so that you can focus all your attention on them, making them feel superior and important.
9 Triangulation
Triangulation is one of the most painful ways a narcissist can turn people against you. They will group two people together to tear them apart later. Narcissists need to be in control at all times. They need to control those around them and every situation.
To maintain control, they feel that the ability to play with your emotions and control your life gives them the upper hand.
Related : 9 Ways How Narcissists Try to Break You
Presenting yourself to someone you agree with and then turning that person against you is triangulation. It is a powerful tactic to isolate you, get others to turn on you, and give them the control they desire.
How to Deal When a Narcissist Turns Others Against You
Having people turn against you is devastating to the average person. You are hurt, you don’t understand why it happened, and most of the time you don’t know what you did wrong in the first place.
Dealing with others turning against you isn’t easy, but there are some things you can do to help yourself.
The first is to not respond. This is hard, but the narcissist wants and expects you to respond so they can continue to smear you. It’s important to remember that it’s not your fault.
Stick to your support system, your closest family and friends, and talk to them about it to get over it. Whatever you do, don’t focus your attention on the narcissist, because that’s what they want more than anything else.
