For narcissists – money is power.
Power is also abuse.
They use it over the heads of the uninformed as if it were a weapon of mass destruction, because they know how to manipulate it.
Think about it – a narcissist doesn’t know how to love people, they only know how to love material things. Cars, houses, jobs, good food – and what do they need to get all of these things?
Money!
Don’t be shocked to learn that narcissists fall into the most toxic part of their selfish personality when it comes to money – and it will help you to know the best ways they do this.
Validation
To compensate for their extreme lack of self-esteem, narcissists will look to money for external validation.
I know it sounds crazy, and to you or me – the non-narcissist – it is. Why would anyone need to buy anything in order to fit in or be like the people they wish they were? It’s almost embarrassing to think that adults behave this way.
Related : 6 Tactics That Help Not Letting Narcissists in Your Life
It’s more acceptable if you’re seven and in school and want to show off your new sports coat or football cards, but when you’re a full-fledged adult, this behavior is just a huge red flag.
WhatTheyLackTheyMakeUp
Narcissists are arrogant—they can’t live a day without trying to get someone’s attention—even strangers—just to make themselves feel better.
This is because they feel an extreme level of self-importance that has been artificially developed to cover up their low self-esteem (which, believe it or not, doesn’t actually exist).
Money is a great way to show people that they’re not poor, and it’s one of the only ways a narcissist can feel like they’re worth something.
StatusEffect
Look at what I have that you don’t.
My life is great.
I make great decisions that get me where I am.
People love me.
I love getting all this attention.
Do you want to yawn? I know I do.
I’ve seen it many times before. When I stop at a traffic light and see an expensive car next to me, it’s not about checking out this time, it’s about the narcissist wanting you to look at them and see how successful they are.
Oh my god, this person must be really important because they drive a car that gets so much attention from everyone.
We don’t understand this, but we do know that it also comes from a palace of insecurity. You can’t fit in easily if you’re a narcissist – you have to stand out in some way so that others know that your life is being lived exactly the way you want it to be.
This is another selfish look into the mind of the narcissist who wants all the attention, all the time.
Punishment
Withholding money from you is the narcissist’s way of pleasing themselves with more power and control.
Yes, they expect you to be on your best behavior at all times so they can wave the money around in front of you, and if there is even the slightest room for conflict or disagreement, the narcissist will look to tell you that they will use the money to punish you.
Related : 10 Ways to Become Resistant to Narcissists
This could look like this:
Switching bank cards, so that the one you have is cancelled and deemed useless.
Change passwords to shared banking.
Find new ways to budget or cut back on what you spend because they decide it’s “too much.”
You’ll feel small when you’re punished, like you’ve gotten yourself into real trouble. It has nothing to do with you, in fact, the narcissist just wants to get one foot in your financial door and tell you they’re the boss.
ToExploitYou
Yes, there are definitely narcissists out there who use you to get what they want.
They will always want to borrow from you and will put all their emotional baggage on you to make you feel guilty for lending them money (that you will never see).
If you dare ask for it again, you will be told that you are selfish and impatient, and that you lack empathy for them in their difficult times.
Narcissists want their own way, and remember that they can also come across as a needy narcissist, who wants what you have without being willing to work for it.
TwoSetsofStandards
Oh, the hypocrisy can get so real. Narcissists love having money. It allows them to indulge in their wildest dreams and get whatever they feel they deserve with it.
They splurge on expensive clothes, or book their dream vacation. Maybe they invest in a car upgrade or a hot tub. Anything you can think of – they will do it if they can.
But wait…
What happens if you indulge yourself? What if you decide to get takeout for the weekend, or rent a movie on a streaming platform?
Do you think we’re made of money?
What a waste of money, you could have bought a whole grocery store with that.
Oh, I see you’re not bothered about how much you’re spending this week.
I work hard for this money, and you just decide to waste it?
Related : 9 Reasons Why Narcissists Need Their Flying Monkeys
Oh my god, how selfish are you?
Yes, yes. Same old thing – but what does that show you?
You’re not careless
It shows you that the narcissist uses a double standard to work for them. They move the financial goalposts, telling you that the rules that apply to you don’t apply to them. Shaming is very abusive, and they hate that you can do what they do—making them feel inadequate.
It’s very toxic; you don’t need to be told why. It’s to instill fear in you, to tell you that they think you’re making rash decisions without them, so you’re more likely to lean into their control and let them handle the finances.
Don’t Defend, Don’t Share, Don’t Expand
Narcissists want you to respond when they tell you how disappointed they are in your spending. They want to try to shame you and convince you that you can’t make strong choices without them, and that assuming you’ll stand up for yourself is powerful.
It’s time to conclude that you are capable of buying something if you want to, and that you shouldn’t let the narcissist’s manipulation control you and guilt you into not getting what you want, either.
It shows you that the narcissist uses a double standard to work for them. They move the financial goalposts, telling you that the rules that apply to you don’t apply to them. Shaming is very abusive, and they hate that you can do what they do—making them feel inadequate.
Related : 8 Reasons Why Narcissists Struggle with Honesty
It’s very toxic; you don’t need to be told why. It’s to instill fear in you, to tell you that they think you’re making rash decisions without them, so you’re more likely to lean into their control and let them handle the finances.
Don’t Defend, Don’t Share, Don’t Expand
Narcissists want you to respond when they tell you how disappointed they are in your spending. They want to try to shame you and convince you that you can’t make strong choices without them, and that assuming you’ll stand up for yourself is powerful.
It’s time to conclude that you are capable of buying something if you want to, and that you shouldn’t let the narcissist’s manipulation control you and guilt you into not getting what you want, either.
