Narcissists leave destruction in their wake. They can turn you into a shell of who you once were through several tactics. They are control freaks, domineering with a need to break you down and control your mind and actions.
Anyone who has been in a relationship with a narcissist knows that it takes time to get back to your former self.
If you are currently in a relationship with a narcissist and you notice small signs that they are trying to break you down, it’s time to stand up for yourself. You need to set boundaries, take care of yourself, and remember that they are the problem, not you.
9 Signs to Look for When a Narcissist Is Trying to Break You Down
Here are the nine most common signs to look out for that your narcissistic partner is trying to break you down. Breaking you down gives them the power to control you.
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They think they are superior, can do no wrong, and want to control every aspect of your life. Recognizing these signs early can help you protect yourself when you are in a relationship with a narcissist.
LoveYou
Narcissists are deceitful and have the ability to make you feel very special in the first few months of a new relationship. When your relationship is new and fresh, they will show you love and compliments. This helps them draw you in, and secure a long-term relationship with you.
The first few days of a new relationship with a narcissist can be like a fairy tale. You may not believe how lucky you are to have met such a wonderful and caring person.
Unfortunately, this is short-lived. Once they have drawn you in, they slowly start working to break you down, giving them the control they so desperately want.
Isolation
After a while, you will spend less time with your family and friends. The narcissist will subtly start to sabotage your relationships with family and friends. You may realize one day that you haven’t seen your family in weeks or that you haven’t spent time with your best friends in months.
They will lie to you and twist the truth to make you believe that your family or friends are wrong. They may even tell you that your friends don’t love you or that your family doesn’t want the best for you. Isolation is common among victims of narcissistic relationships.
If you’ve noticed lately that you haven’t seen or spoken to your family and friends in a long time because of your partner, pick up the phone and make the call. Having a strong family and friend base is important, helping you maintain your sanity and live a happy and healthy life.
TargetingYourSuccess
Little by little, the narcissist will start targeting your success. They will downplay the fact that you just got a promotion and are excited about it. They will tell you that there is nothing to be excited about, leaving you feeling let down.
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If you are enjoying financial success, they will drain you. Why do they do this? So that you become dependent on them and they can maintain control.
By targeting any of your successes, they are diminishing the significance of the event. This is done to make you feel worthless. Over time, when you are repeatedly told that your successes are not important, you will begin to crumble. Once you crumble, it becomes easier for the narcissist to control you.
YourFeelingsDon’tMatter
Over time, your narcissistic partner will discount the importance of your feelings. This is because what you think and feel is not important to them. All that matters is that you focus all your attention on them. Of course, this isn’t a realistic goal, but it’s something every narcissist strives for.
If you’re in a fight and you’re upset, your narcissistic partner will likely tell you, “You’re overreacting again,” or “Why are you always so emotional?” They ignore your feelings, and focus on their own needs and desires. Without validating your feelings, you become just a shell of your former self.
BlameOthers
In their eyes, a narcissist is never at fault. They will always blame you when things don’t go their way. Whether you’re in an argument or your narcissistic partner has been accused of something by coworkers, friends, or family, they will always shift the blame.
They do this so easily that they don’t even have to think twice. It’s all about preserving their self-importance and ego. If you disagree with them, they will flip the tables, shifting the blame onto you.
A good example of this is, “If you didn’t act like that, I wouldn’t call you names,” or “If you didn’t do that, I wouldn’t hit you.” Blame shifting is a way to break you down. You immediately think that you are the problem, not them.
Denial of Wrongdoing
Another common way that narcissists tear you down is by constantly denying any wrongdoing. As mentioned above, narcissists are never wrong in their eyes. Even when they know they are wrong, they will not admit it. They would rather make you believe that you are wrong.
They slowly tear you down by constantly denying any wrongdoing. This often leads to you rethinking yourself. Even if you know the truth, you may wonder if you were imagining it all along.
Guilt
Narcissists are pros when it comes to guilt. Guilt is an excellent opportunity to destroy you and ultimately take control of your mind and actions. Guilt helps them avoid responsibility for anything, get what they want, and have complete control over situations.
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If you have been spending quality time with your family lately, your narcissistic partner will use guilt to try to distance you from your family.
They may accuse you of not spending enough time with them or that you don’t want to be with them. This creates guilt on your part. When you start feeling guilty for something you didn’t do wrong, they tear you down and control you.
Playing the Victim
Narcissists are known to play the victim when all else fails. This is a great way to destroy you and force you to do what they want. By playing the victim, the narcissist turns the tables, making you believe that they have been wronged, and perhaps even that you have wronged them.
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Playing the victim makes you feel sorry for them and want to help them. At the same time, you fall deeper into their trap, allowing them to destroy you and control you.
Shut Down Your Thoughts and Opinions
The narcissist doesn’t want you to have a voice. They don’t want you to have your own thoughts or opinions. They want to control every aspect of your life. One way they do this is by shutting down any thoughts or opinions you may have that might break you.
