Narcissists often use guilt to influence and control you. They are dominant and need to maintain control over you at all times. They want to control you, your behavior, and your actions.
As a result, they distort your perception of reality, making you feel guilty, often for something you didn’t do, to maintain the control they need to feel important and superior.
Here are eight ways narcissists use guilt to control you.
1 Shifting the blame
Narcissists are skilled at shifting blame to control a person or situation. They twist the facts, distort reality, and make it seem like you’re at fault.
Anyone who’s been in a relationship with a narcissist has experienced this at some point. Over time, you feel confused about what’s true and what isn’t, and you’re not sure if you’re really in charge.
This tactic creates guilt, in turn, which gives them complete control over you. A good example of this is if you accused them of something and they became aggressive.
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When you get upset, they will turn around and tell you that they wouldn’t have acted that way if you hadn’t. They will immediately blame you. Of course, a narcissist can never be wrong; they are perfect in their eyes.
2 Playing the Victim
If a narcissist doesn’t get the reaction they need or the affirmation they need from you using their usual tactics, they will resort to playing the victim. By playing the victim, they can make you feel guilty and, in turn, maintain their control over you.
An example of playing the victim is when a narcissistic parent criticizes their child for something and when you confront them about it, they will claim that the child is being too sensitive or difficult. They may even claim that the child is lying and that they didn’t do it at all.
3 False Accusations
There are many times when your narcissistic partner will likely accuse you of something you didn’t do to make you feel guilty. They are manipulative and controlling, and they want to control everything about you. False accusations are a great way to do this.
The problem for the victim is that even if you know you didn’t do what you’re being accused of, you question yourself and your sanity, and feel sorry for the narcissist for making them feel this way, which only adds to your guilt.
4 The Silent Treatment
Adults know the importance of communication in a healthy relationship. Communication helps you discuss any problems and issues you have, and come to compromises to fix the problems together as a team.
When you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, talking about problems and coming to compromises is not something you can easily achieve. This is because they are important, superior, and never wrong.
Narcissists are likely to give you the silent treatment, especially if you try to confront them about a problem in your relationship. When they do this, you feel guilty and want to fix the situation.
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This is often an apology on your part, but the problem is never solved. You apologize to keep the peace at home, which reduces the risk of the narcissist’s anger.
5 Use of associations
A narcissist will use anything to make you feel guilty so that they can maintain control over you. This includes your associations.
You may have a friend who has noticed your partner’s behavior and discussed it with you. As a result, the narcissist will blame you for associating with them.
When a narcissist uses association guilt, they accuse you of associating with someone who has wronged them. This makes you feel guilty. It’s just one of the many tactics these controlling people use to control you.
6 Past Mistakes
When a narcissist has to resort to guilt to control you, they will bring up everything you’ve done wrong in the past. They will remind you of your past mistakes and flaws in an attempt to make you feel guilty.
Healthy relationships don’t dwell on the past; they discuss the issues and move on.
Narcissists never forget and will use everything in their arsenal to make you feel guilty, even if it was something you did wrong years ago. You probably still feel some guilt about what you did; this is a great opportunity for them to use this to control you and the situation.
7 They Use Family Members
A narcissist will use anything that is important to you to make you feel guilty, and this can include your children and family members. You may have young children at home and they blame you for not giving them enough attention because you are taking care of the children. You feel guilty and they maintain control.
If your parents are not well and you want to help take care of them for a while, you will be blamed for not spending time with your narcissistic partner and that your family is taking up too much of their time. Again, this can make you feel guilty.
8 You Owe Them Something
A narcissist has an uncanny ability to make you feel like you owe them something. They will remind you when they need you to feel guilty. It could be a small sacrifice they made.
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Maybe you had a work assignment and the narcissist accompanied you, even though they were busy doing something else that night. They will use this to show the sacrifices they made for you. This can make you feel guilty, which gives them complete control.
How Guilt Affects You
When you are constantly feeling guilty by a narcissist, you will go through several things in your life. You will often lose confidence, and feel obligated to meet the narcissist’s demands.
Your self-esteem takes a hit and you start isolating yourself, losing friends and distancing yourself from family. This is exactly how they want to control you.
Warning Signs to Watch Out For
There are some warning signs you can look out for that are signs that your narcissistic partner is using guilt to control you. They will blame you for their emotions, and they will exaggerate the story to make it seem like you have greatly disappointed them and they are sad about the situation.
Narcissists will also make you feel guilty if you do not meet their expectations, using comments that appeal to your feelings.
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Being in a relationship with a narcissist is emotionally draining, and over time, the narcissist can overpower you to the point where they have complete control. It starts out subtle and progresses slowly.
You start to drift away from friends, and the social life you once had becomes a thing of the past as you spend all your time catering to your narcissistic partner.
It’s important to know the red flags to watch out for, take care of yourself, spend time with family and friends, and set boundaries so that you too can enjoy a happy and healthy life.
