You are a dull, boring person! I don’t know why I fell in love with you!
God, you are so needy! Stop wanting hugs and affection all the time – I’m too busy!
Ah yes, the overt narcissists. They don’t hide that they are complete idiots – but wait!
What is this right in front of my eyes?
A cunning, deceitful person – who hides his abuse very well!
Ah – more dangerous than the overt narcissists with pride…
…the covert narcissist.
What makes them so dangerous?…
What is a covert narcissist?
Okay. You can Google the meanings of covert narcissism until the cows come home, but here’s my tailored version of what a covert narcissist really means, and what a covert narcissist really is:
Related : Who Is A Ninja Narcissist: 7 Ninja Traits Of A Covert Introvert Narcissist
The covert narcissist is more concerned with internalizing his own self-importance.
They have the same game desires as the overt narcissist, but they don’t shout it from the rooftops.
Covert narcissists like to be subtle, and they’re very hard to spot. They may seem more holier-than-thou and kind by nature, but they have the same motivation.
They come across as humble, maybe even enlightened, but they’ll sway your sympathy in the same way that an overt narcissist would.
Covert narcissists, intent on getting you in trouble, act arrogant and display passive aggression whenever they get the chance.
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Covert Narcissists:
They have a constant need—I’d say desire—for recognition. Never leave them out of a group chat. Never tell them important news at the end. Or do it, and find out who they really are based on how they handle it!
They’re extremely sensitive to criticism. I mean, all you have to do is mention one thing, and their pride will be so bruised that you’re more likely to see tears than anger like you would with an overt narcissist.
They will take advantage of you as much as they can. If you can help them, that’s great, and you should too! If you let them down once, they will hold you accountable and will never let you forget it.
They are very self-absorbed. This is probably because of their image. They may try to portray themselves as incredibly spiritual beings. They don’t mind pretending to be weak, because it’s an excuse for their insecurities that sometimes spill over under the guise of a spiritual practice.
They get bored very easily. They don’t mind moving on at a moment’s notice or if they get the chance. They want to keep draining as much life out of the earth as possible and never give it back.
When you or others talk, they may nod and smile and seem interested, but they don’t really care. They like to listen to people’s problems so they don’t feel bad about themselves.
Related : How to Deal with a “Kind” Narcissist
They are incredibly adept at playing the victim. They will take any opportunity to gain your sympathy, whether it’s a call or text to check in on them, or to meet them for a drink or dinner. They also love it when you stop everything you’re doing to listen to them – even though you don’t expect the same in return!
8 Reasons Covert Narcissists Are So Dangerous
- Being Tricked
The first and most important thing to remember is that covert narcissists want to trick you.
Their entire behavior is about making you believe they’re something they’re not, but it’s the way they do it that’s dangerous.
They’re disguising themselves.
- Everything is Secret
You won’t even know what a covert narcissist is really doing, because everything will be secret.
They’re so good at hiding their toxicity that it’s like they’re carrying a shovel with them wherever they go!
This is what makes them so dangerous. It is difficult to uncover their secrets when they bury them all without a trace.
You have to be really smart and ready to speak up and justify it with evidence.
- You never know what will happen next
Who will do it?!
Covert narcissists will not tell you their plans, and those plans will change soon anyway.
Not knowing can cause severe anxiety. Will they talk to you today? What mood will they be in? Have they forgiven you for not being able to meet them last week?
There are many questions, and none of them can be answered 100%.
- There is always the risk of losing someone close to you
This can be done in several subtle ways, so let’s take them individually.
The first is how covert narcissists annoy you by convincing you that the people in your life are not good enough for you, or that you are too good for them.
You wouldn’t want to hang out with them, would you? They’re constantly dragging you down. You’re always stressed after seeing them. You know I want the best for you.
Related : 6 Signs of a Covert Narcissist
You’re too good for them! Come on! Go out with me instead. We can do whatever you want.
See how it’s always about your “well-being?”
It’s the subtle nature of trying to control who you see, when, and how often you see them.
Tell me this isn’t dangerous.
- You’re going to be in charge
of everything.
That’s why I like to advise people with a covert narcissist in their life to save text messages, or write down notes about arrangements.
You’re going to be in charge if you let them down because you can’t really do anything. It’s not easy – but that’s what makes them so dangerous.
- Recognize them!
Okay, I’m by no means saying that recognizing any kind of abuse is dangerous, but it’s about when you realize it. Usually, by the time you realize it, it’s too late, and the damage has already been done.
Often the real problem is trying to spot covert narcissists. What does this mean?
It means they can get away with a lot in the time they have.
- You don’t see them coming
Why do this? If you don’t have experience with narcissism, you’ll never spot a narcissist—a covert narcissist.
They’re very kind. They’re very down-to-earth. They want to listen to your stories and connect with you. They want to tell you all about their spiritual practice. They want to be around you all the time you’re doing what they want you to do.
Of course you won’t see them coming.
- Cleaning
Narcissists always leave a mess to clean up—and it’s never pretty.
You might think that mess means trash all over the floor, or dirty laundry, but that’s not what I mean. I mean the mess they make of:
- Your relationships
- Your mental health
- Your physical health
- Maybe even your job
- Your self-esteem
- The way you present yourself, like your image
- Your self-confidence
- Your self-belief
Cleaning up can take a while, and it can be complicated. I don’t want you to think it’s impossible, but covert narcissists will make you feel overwhelmed by what to do next.
