It’s 2 a.m. You’re thinking about your narcissistic ex.

You haven’t slept a wink yet, and every time you try to clear your mind, those racing thoughts come back.

Time and time again, you feel like you’re going crazy, but you can’t seem to shake the questions swirling in your mind, like an orchestra of looping thoughts.

I get it. And to help you a little at this point, you’re not alone. It happens a lot, and I want you to know that there are ways you can help yourself.

You just have to remember, after an abusive narcissistic relationship, that you deserve help.

RepetitiveThoughts?

Repetitive thinking isn’t just thinking about something; it’s the almost obsessive thought process of repeating something over and over again in your mind, to the point where it distracts you from anything or everything else you need to do during your day.

Related : 8 Reasons Why it’s So Hard to Leave a Narcissist

Thoughts don’t stop at just one thought; they’re like a gear that spins and doesn’t have a stop button. And they can drive people to hell. You may find that you can’t focus on anything else; Before you know it, you’re forgetting about other parts of life. This could include work, taking care of yourself – anything.

Why Can’t I Stop Thinking About My Narcissistic Ex?

One of the most common comments I hear from people who have just gotten out of a narcissistic relationship is that they can’t stop thinking about them, or their narcissistic ex.

They often come to me confused, wondering why such a horrible person drains their energy every day, and my answer is always the same.

Reflection happens when we try to make sense of what happened.

Your relationship with your narcissistic ex was wild, right? The highs were so high, and the lows were lower than you thought possible. Every day was a journey, and you never knew if you were coming or going.

It’s like being stuck at a set of traffic lights, and they were constantly changing from red to yellow to green and back to red again. Do you go? Do you get ready? Do you stay put?

Now that the ex is out of the picture, you still see those lights changing and wonder why it all happened in the first place.

Related : Things That Will Drive a Narcissist Crazy

What could I have done differently?

What if I wasn’t good enough?

Was I responsible?

Was I not clear enough?

What if they change?

It’s very motivating, isn’t it?

If that’s not enough, you may find yourself stuck creating imaginary conversations or scenarios with the narcissist. What if you saw them again? What would you say? How would you act? What might happen?

Please don’t…

Share your reflections with your narcissistic ex.

It doesn’t matter how bad things are for you.

Do. Don’t. Click. Send.

They will love that they can still snoop on you even if you’re no longer together, and they will use that to try to get back into your life, knowing that the power is still in their hands.

How to Stop Thinking About Your Narcissistic Ex

Letting go of the past will open many doors for you, but it all starts with the idea that dwelling on the past won’t change them, or how they feel about you.

Thoughts don’t do you any good, and no matter how much you think about them in your mind, they won’t change what happened, nor will they change the future.

Related : 7 Narcissist Hobbies that are Instant Red Flags

Using things that fill your soul with positivity is an effective way to ensure that you lead yourself to brighter days away from your narcissistic ex.

Be in the moment

Mindfulness is talked about a lot – but for good reason – it works!

Being in the moment means appreciating everything around you, from the butterfly that flies by to how you feel physically and mentally. Look at the ways you ignore the present and start thinking about the gift it truly offers you. You’re no longer in that relationship, and it will take some time for your nervous system to adjust to the calm you’re in now.

Understanding this can open the doors to gratitude that awaits you, and mindfulness is a great place to start.

Breathing is key

People are beginning to understand that breathing is a great healing companion. When you’re struggling with repetitive thinking, you can start to ease your thoughts by taking deep breaths.

Think of a glass of cranberry juice. Now imagine a pitcher of water on top of it, slowly pouring water into it. Eventually, the cranberry juice will disappear as it spills over the rim and is replaced by water.

That’s what you want to try to do with your thoughts. Slowly replace them with clarity, with fresh air. With the ability to breathe rationally through the inner chaos your narcissistic ex has created.

MakeAListOfDisgustingThings

That’s right – all the reasons you feel disgusted by your narcissistic ex.

Does that sound a bit extreme? No, it’s not. It sounds like a very cathartic reason to remind yourself of everything you didn’t like about them. It doesn’t matter what they are, but the longer the list, the better.

Related : Do you need to be financially stable to leave the narcissist?

There are certain behaviors that are important here, so nothing is off-limits. Just make sure you write consciously, and dig into each point because it will save you from falling into the rumination trap that you’ve been having a hard time recovering from so far.

Rebel, Rebel – and do it well!

What about all those things your narcissistic ex hates you for doing? Eating ice cream from the tub? Hanging out with your friends every Friday? Watching your favorite show that you’ve watched a hundred times already?

Do them all! Do them without guilt, and know that you’re living your best life the way you want to, not the way they want you to live it.

Rebelling against your narcissistic ex doesn’t have to be about telling them what to do, it can simply be about taking advantage of your newfound freedom.

Start now!