The term “narcissist” certainly doesn’t have a positive connotation. Anyone who has been a victim of narcissistic abuse knows that these people aren’t particularly nice.

In fact, they’re known to be extremely cold, callous, and manipulative. Given this fact, you may be surprised when a narcissist shows flashes of kindness.

If you notice a narcissist being nice to you, you may feel confused. You may even be filled with doubt.

You may find yourself thinking, “This person isn’t a narcissist after all.” Not so fast!

Sometimes, narcissists are nice because they have something to gain from it.

WhyNarcissistsExhibitKindness

As with all other narcissistic behaviors, a narcissist may choose to be nice because it suits them. The important thing is to see through the kindness for what it really is: an act.

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If a narcissist is being nice, it’s likely for one of the reasons below.

TheyBombYouWithLove

At the beginning of a relationship, a narcissist bombards you with love like anyone else. They will shower you with attention, affection, and compliments, and you will think that you are the center of their world.

The narcissist will bombard you with love to make you fall madly in love. Once you have convinced yourself that you have met the perfect love of your life, you will commit yourself completely to the relationship with the narcissist.

This is exactly what the narcissist wants. Now that you are fully committed to the relationship, they can get what they want from you, no matter how badly they treat you.

After displaying particularly bad behavior, the narcissist may return to the love bombing phase again. This allows them to lure you back in, because you will be convinced that they have changed.

TheyWantSomethingFromYou

Narcissists know that they need to compliment you before they ask for a favor. After all, their requests are never small or simple.

So, they know that they need to be on your good side before they start making demands. And to prepare to step in and ask for a favor, they may be especially nice, at least temporarily.

They may compliment you, offer to help with something simple, or simply pretend to show interest in how you’re doing. Once you’ve fallen for their trap, it’s easier for them to exploit you for their own gain.

To Maintain a Positive Public Image

Narcissists are adept at maintaining a positive reputation. So, they’ll be nice to you because it makes them look good.

They’ll be very attentive and complimentary to you when they’re in public. And others will notice how great a person the narcissist is!

So caring, so kind.

Such a loving and caring partner.

What a great family man!

Rest assured, the kindness isn’t real. All narcissists have to do is maintain their image as altruistic people.

When they can convince others that they’re a good person, narcissists also feel superior, which feeds their never-ending ego.

To Control You

Narcissists don’t actually care about their partner; They simply care about what you can give them and what they can get from you.

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They will be nice sometimes, but it’s all a game of control. If they think you’re pulling away, they’ll throw you breadcrumbs of kindness so they can maintain their control over you.

They need you to be available to them immediately if they need to extract something they want from you. So, they’ll be nice enough sometimes to keep you under their wing.

As a way to gain social advantage

Narcissists are excellent actors, and they love to put on a good show. If they have something to gain socially from being nice, you can guarantee that they will play nice for a while.

You may be spending time with a friend who can boost the narcissist’s status. Or you may be connecting with potential business partners at a social event.

In these situations, the narcissist will be especially nice to you. They should portray themselves as a good person and a good partner.

If the narcissist seems to treat their loved one well, of course, they can be trusted! Their momentary display of kindness can give them a social advantage.

They may even gain a new client or cement a friendship that they can use to their advantage.

To Maintain the Relationship

If the narcissist is never nice, you won’t continue a relationship with them. They need to be nice from time to time to maintain the relationship.

They will be overly nice at times to give you hope that they can treat you well. This behavior usually comes after a period of really bad behavior.

Narcissists know when they’ve gone too far, and they don’t want to lose you as a source of attention and admiration. They’ll be nice long enough to stop you from leaving, only to go back to their old ways.

TheyNeedSomeNarcissisticSupplies

Narcissists thrive on supplies, which is any form of attention, affection, validation, or admiration they can get from you.

A narcissist has an insatiable appetite for supply, so they’re always on the lookout for it. If you’re not offering supplies like candy, they’re going to have to work hard to get them from you.

They may be nice to you when they ask for some form of provision. They will be very kind and affectionate, hoping you will return the favor.

When people are kind, even if it is just for a moment, you feel more positive toward them. This makes you more likely to distribute the provision they so desperately crave.

Conclusion

Narcissists are not really nice people but they do occasionally show signs of kindness. Their kind behavior may seem genuine, but it rarely is.

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When a narcissist is kind, it is not out of the goodness of their heart. It is an attempt to get something they need.

Recognition.

Admiration.

Supply.

Some sort of favor.

An enhanced reputation.

A continuing relationship that meets their every demand.

Social benefits.

Power and control.

A narcissist can get any of these things by being kind. In this way, their kindness is nothing more than manipulation.

Proceed with caution

A narcissist’s kindness may make you wonder if they have changed. You may think he’s not a narcissist at all.

Be careful here. The narcissist probably hasn’t changed, and the kindness isn’t genuine. They just want something from you.

Once you give it to them, they’ll go back to their cold, hard ways. And if you withhold anything they ask for, they won’t be kind at all.

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A truly kind person is someone who is caring and respectful simply because that’s who they are. They don’t want anything in return.

You can never expect that kind of honesty from a narcissist.