If you have a narcissist in your life, you probably know that they run the show. It’s all about their needs, wants, and preferences.
What’s more, it seems like you have no choice but to follow their wishes.
In a relationship with a normal person, you’d have no problem saying no from time to time. With a narcissist, it’s different.
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You wouldn’t dare say no to them. Doing so would be incredibly difficult and downright scary.
Why is it so hard with a narcissist? Well, for starters, their ego doesn’t understand the word “no.”
Reasons Why It’s Hard to Say No
Having a hard time saying no to a narcissist is a common struggle. If you’re struggling with this, you’re not alone.
Narcissists expect to get what they want, and they’re very demanding people. When you find yourself having a hard time saying no to them, it’s usually because of the following reasons.
Their Sense of Entitlement
Narcissists believe that all of their demands should be met, and they can’t fathom a scenario where someone would say no to them.
Because of this, they can be very persistent in getting what they want. This makes it very difficult to say no to them.
TheyAreVengeant
Since narcissists believe they are entitled to what they want, they also believe they have the right to punish you for not following their rules.
So, if you say no to them, you can expect some form of punishment or retaliation. In many cases, this can cause them to hesitate to say no.
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Most people would rather give the narcissist what they want than deal with the consequences.
ManipulationIsTheNameOfTheirGame
Narcissists are masters of manipulation, so they will get you to say yes, even if you don’t really want to.
Let’s say they want to borrow money. They may make big statements about how long it will take them to pay you back, only to never do so.
Or they may use manipulation to convince you to give them what they want. They will make statements about how unreasonable you are, when in reality they’re not asking for much.
In the end, they hurt you to make you give in.
Playing the Victim
If there’s one thing a narcissist can do flawlessly, it’s playing the victim. It’s hard to say no to them when they have some sort of sad story to sell you.
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When they play the victim, you feel almost obligated to give them what they want, because you feel sorry for them.
Maintaining a Strong Sense of Control
Narcissists need to maintain power and control over others. Being in a position of control feeds their ego and allows them to use others to their advantage.
It feels impossible to say no to them because they have all the power in your relationship dynamic. Failing to give them their way will almost feel like a violation of an important authority figure’s rules.
You’re Eager to Please
Narcissists are experts at seeking out people-pleasers. They choose people who they know will advance the narcissist’s own agenda.
If you have a hard time saying no, it’s probably because you’re someone who naturally enjoys taking care of others. You feel obligated to please people, so you’ll feel guilty if you let the narcissist down.
Narcissists take advantage of your kind, giving nature because they know they can get what they want from you.
TheyCreateDoubt and Confusion
Narcissists are great at making people question their instincts.
During your interactions with them, they’ll be sure to insult your intelligence or point out any other flaws they see in you.
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Over time, this erodes your self-esteem and makes you question your own perceptions. So, if you’re a habitual no-no, you’re questioning whether it’s really the right thing to do.
Since you no longer trust yourself, you’ll convince yourself that whatever the narcissist wants is reasonable. Instead of saying no, give them what they want.
PlayingOnYourEmotions
A narcissist knows that you’re a genuine, caring person, so they know they can play on your emotions to get what they want from you.
They’ll shower you with compliments and flattery to make you feel good, only to follow up with some requests for favors. Since they’ve just built up your self-esteem, you can’t help but say yes.
Or the narcissist may play on your soft side, selling you on the idea that whatever they’re asking for is for a good cause. Saying no doesn’t even sound right to you!
TriangulationTactics
Finally, narcissists love to use triangulation tactics to get what they want. Triangulation occurs when the narcissist pulls a third party into your relationship dynamic to make you feel jealous or guilty.
You may even say no to some kind of request they’ve made of you. Instead of respecting your boundaries, the narcissist will bring someone else into the situation.
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“She would have done it for me,” they tell you. Now you’re jealous, and competing with this third party.
You can no longer say no because doing so would mean losing to this other person! You’re giving in to maintain your sense of security in the relationship.
SeeingThroughNarcissisticTactics
When you’re struggling to say no to a narcissist, you may think that saying no was the wrong thing to do. Try not to get caught up in this way of thinking.
You have the right to stand up for yourself and your needs. If your gut tells you to say no, it’s the right thing to do, even if the narcissist convinces you otherwise.
The narcissist’s perspective is not reality. If they try to guilt you or manipulate you into giving them their way, it’s because they feel entitled to get what they want.
DecisionToSayNo
I don’t intend to tell you what to do. Only you can decide what’s best in a given situation with a narcissist.
However, I encourage you to think before giving in to a narcissist. If you feel like saying no, explore your reasons. Are their requests excessive or unreasonable?
Are you simply unable to do what they are asking because it would cause you more harm than good? Chances are, if you are considering saying no, you have a good reason.
Look for Manipulation
Consider whether there is any manipulation in the narcissist’s request.
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If they portray themselves as innocent victims, try to lure you into reaching for your wallet, or tell you that you are being unreasonable for not helping, they are likely being manipulative.
Take Threats with Caution
Finally, as you consider giving in to the narcissist, remember that their threats are just another attempt at manipulation.
They may be telling you that someone else in their life will give them what they want. Okay! Let that person meet the narcissist’s needs if you can’t.
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If they threaten you with any form of retaliation, again, consider this manipulation. If you truly fear for your safety, tell them you will seek outside help. This should stop them quickly, as they do not want to look bad in public.
Conclusion
Narcissists believe that they should get what they want exactly the moment they ask for it. They are also willing to manipulate, exploit, and coerce to get what they want.
This makes it extremely difficult to say no to them, but that does not mean that no is not an option. You have the right to make the decision for yourself!
