How Do Narcissists Cheat and Get Away With It?

Narcissists often display behaviors that make cheating more likely, such as a need for admiration, a sense of entitlement, and a lack of empathy. Their charm and manipulative skills enable them to cheat and often get away with it. Here’s a closer look at the tactics narcissists use to deceive their partners and cover up their infidelity.

1. Charm and Manipulation

Narcissists are often skilled at charming others and can use this to their advantage when cheating. They may:

Exude confidence and charisma: Their charming nature makes it easier to gain the trust of new partners and to deceive their current ones.
Use “love bombing”: At the beginning of a relationship, they may shower their partner with excessive attention and affection, creating a false sense of security.
Employ manipulative tactics: Narcissists know how to push their partner’s emotional buttons to keep them off-balance and doubting themselves, making it easier to hide their deception.

Their ability to manipulate others makes it difficult for partners to recognize the signs of cheating.

2. Gaslighting to Hide Their Actions

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where the narcissist makes their partner doubt their reality. When it comes to cheating, they might:

Deny obvious signs of infidelity: If confronted, they might say things like, “You’re just imagining things,” or “You’re being paranoid,” even when there is evidence to the contrary.
Blame the partner: They might accuse the partner of being insecure or controlling for questioning them, shifting the focus away from their own actions.
Reframe the situation: They might suggest that the partner is overreacting to a harmless situation, downplaying any suspicious behavior.

Gaslighting keeps the partner confused and unsure about what’s real, allowing the narcissist to continue cheating without being caught.

3. Creating a False Sense of Trust

Narcissists often establish a false sense of trust to cover up their cheating. They might:

Talk openly about their “honesty”: Narcissists may frequently mention how loyal or faithful they are, creating the illusion that they wouldn’t be capable of cheating.
Display apparent transparency: They might deliberately leave their phone or other personal devices where their partner can see them, but with hidden apps or secret accounts to communicate with others.
Share stories about “cheating friends”: By talking about friends who cheat, they position themselves as someone who disapproves of infidelity, making it harder for the partner to suspect them.

This tactic works by disarming the partner and minimizing their doubts about the narcissist’s fidelity.

4. Compartmentalization

Narcissists are often skilled at compartmentalizing their lives, which helps them keep their infidelity hidden. They can separate their different relationships and activities without feeling conflicted.

Maintain different personas: They may act like a loving partner at home while engaging in completely different behavior elsewhere.
Keep their affairs separate: By carefully scheduling and limiting communication with their affair partners, they reduce the risk of overlap or exposure.
Control the narrative: When their partner asks questions, they may only share selective information that hides the true nature of their activities.

This ability to compartmentalize enables them to cheat without guilt and avoid detection.

5. Exploiting Their Partner’s Empathy

Narcissists often target empathetic individuals because they are more forgiving and less likely to suspect foul play.

Play the victim: If the partner confronts them, the narcissist might turn the situation around, portraying themselves as the victim of false accusations or an “unloving” partner.
Use guilt to manipulate: They may guilt-trip their partner by saying, “I can’t believe you don’t trust me,” which may make the partner feel bad for doubting them.
Pretend to be hurt by suspicion: By acting as though they are deeply offended by the partner’s doubts, they can evoke sympathy and deflect attention away from their own behavior.

This exploitation of empathy keeps the partner emotionally invested and less likely to continue questioning them.

6. Frequent Use of “Alibis” and Cover Stories

Narcissists often prepare elaborate alibis or excuses to cover up their infidelity.

Use work or social obligations as a cover: They may claim they have to stay late at work, attend a meeting, or help a friend in need, providing a seemingly valid excuse for their absence.
Involve friends as accomplices: Some narcissists may enlist friends to back up their stories or pretend to be part of their alibi.
Create believable scenarios: By providing detailed explanations for their whereabouts, they make it harder for their partner to question their stories.

These cover stories are crafted to appear convincing, making it difficult for the partner to detect inconsistencies.

7. Playing the “Perfect Partner” Role When Needed

Narcissists can switch on the charm and play the perfect partner role to divert suspicion away from their infidelity.

Perform grand gestures: If they sense their partner is becoming suspicious, they may buy gifts, plan romantic getaways, or increase their affection to distract them.
Act more attentive than usual: They may suddenly become more considerate or helpful to make the partner feel guilty for doubting them.
Overcompensate in public: They might behave in a loving and affectionate manner when others are around to reinforce the image of a committed and faithful partner.

These tactics are designed to create confusion, making it hard for the partner to reconcile their doubts with the narcissist’s seemingly loving behavior.

8. Blaming Others for Their Behavior

When caught or confronted, narcissists may refuse to take responsibility and instead blame others for their cheating.

Blame the partner: They may claim that their partner’s behavior drove them to cheat, citing issues like a lack of attention, emotional distance, or frequent arguments.
Blame the affair partner: They may say the other person “pursued” them or “manipulated” them into the affair, minimizing their own role in the infidelity.
Use situational excuses: They might blame stress, alcohol, or other factors, attempting to shift accountability away from themselves.

This tactic not only diverts attention but can also make the partner feel responsible for the narcissist’s actions.

Conclusion

Narcissists can be exceptionally skilled at deceiving their partners and covering up their cheating behavior. Their tactics often include manipulation, gaslighting, compartmentalization, and exploiting the empathy of their partners. By understanding these behaviors, partners can better protect themselves from emotional harm and recognize the signs of infidelity. Recognizing the red flags and trusting one’s instincts are essential steps in dealing with a narcissist’s potential cheating behavior.